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Original poster

DH best friend offended me on holiday

105 replies

Babybirdaugust · 26/04/2025 12:15

We are on a camping holiday for a week with our friends (a couple with 2 kids same age as ours). Our children are age 3 and 1.
Anyone who’s experienced children of this age know it’s full on. Between the 4 of us we have been taking turns to look after the kids, set up the tent, do general housekeeping like laundry and washing up. My DH best friend said to my husband when me and his wife had taken the kids out to the beach and my husband was taking the awning down “What does your wife ever do for you? I always see you with the kids.”
I just can’t believe he said that! Literally I haven’t stopped all holiday either cleaning or looking after mine or sometimes their kids. If anyone has done the least amount of work it’s definitely him.
I feel so hurt that someone I considered a friend is trying to bad mouth me to my own husband.
Could it be his attitude towards male and female roles and how women are supposed to serve their husbands or some crap?
what should I do? Just forget it or say something?

OP posts:
StormInaDcup99 · 26/04/2025 12:18

I'd say nothing but let my husband defend you and say....my wife has been doing x y and z......not sure why you'd think she's not pulling her weight mate....she's doing a lot more than tiu

Said in a jokey way but under no illusion that hrs been out in his place

StormInaDcup99 · 26/04/2025 12:19

Sorry for typos above! Hope you get the gist!

Maitri108 · 26/04/2025 12:21

What did your husband say in response? I take it your husband related this conversation to you. Perhaps he's telling you that he thinks he's with the children too much.

HarpSnail · 26/04/2025 12:21

Well, given that this remark was said not to you but to your husband, I imagine he said that as they were his children it was hardly terribly surprising he was around them all the time on a camping holidays mostly? Why did your DH pass this on to you, though? If I had a best friend who was an unreconstructed sexist dinosaur, I don’t think I’d be circulating his opinions.

BobbyBiscuits · 26/04/2025 12:21

What did your husband say back? I'd say that's the more important thing. That bloke clearly is mistaken and foolish for saying it. But if your husband defended you then great. If he went along with his 'pal' and said something unpleasant or untrue. Then that's a problem.

GoodQueenBess · 26/04/2025 12:22

No need to be hurt about what a dickhead said, @Babybirdaugust . Shoot the messenger.

frozendaisy · 26/04/2025 12:23

So he said this to your H whilst you and other mum were elsewhere and your H decided to tell you what as soon as he could?

What did H reply?

I wouldn’t say he insulted you, perhaps he was clumsily looking to compare to his marriage?
It might have just been general chat and enquiry?

If H replied something indicating “I couldn’t do it without her” where’s the problem?

Who knows?

Meadowfinch · 26/04/2025 12:25

How did you find out? Did your dh pass it on, because that's not very kind.

Your dh ought to have said to his friend, as @StormInaDcup99 said, 'my dw has been working her arse off since we got here.' Made it clear he didn't appreciate the comment, and then moved on.

As for the 'friend', some people always want to moan about spouses, to create an all-boys-together vibe. Or all-girls-together vibe.

I'd take no notice. He was wrong so his views are irrelevant.

GoodCharl · 26/04/2025 12:25

Are you sure he said this? Who told you what was said? Sounds odd Given what youve said youve done vs husband- could your Husband be twisting his comments? Maybe he didnt say them at all and its your Husband saying it?

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 26/04/2025 12:28

So now you should look after your two children and let your husband do the shopping, cooking, washing up, laundry, tent stuff, awning stuff………

Indyschoolq · 26/04/2025 12:30

Firstly, I think it is a hugely POSITIVE sign that your husband shared this with you! It demonstrates a level of honesty and respect that some spouses don’t have. You’re clearly a good team if he immediately told you this. Anyone implying otherwise, or that he should have kept it from you, is of the type of marriage that keeps secrets (not great for modern relationships).

As for his friend- I would consider that a direct attack. Why try and get your husband to think badly of you? Does he think DH should go find someone ‘better’? The motive is unclear but, for me, it would mean I do not trust that man again.

Itisanditisnt · 26/04/2025 12:31

But but but you were at the beach with your kids when he said that….total nonsense

Mrsttcno1 · 26/04/2025 12:31

How do you know, and what did your husband say?

I wouldn’t need to have a word because I probably would never have found out about it, my husband wouldn’t tolerate that and would have shut him down immediately.

Sounds like your husband hasn’t done that & has passed the message on to you, so your problem isn’t the friend it’s your husband because he clearly agrees with the comments made. I’d also query what your husband says about you to this friend because he clearly felt comfortable enough to slag you off!

Delphiniumandlupins · 26/04/2025 12:48

What you should do is ask your DH how he responded and why he bothered to tell you what his friend said.

Hoppinggreen · 26/04/2025 12:50

If your H reported this to you I would imagine he did so because he was trying to make point abiut what a martyr he is.
I would be very annoyed with him

LizzoBennett · 26/04/2025 12:54

It sounds like this friend is uncomfortable with your DH showing him up. Perhaps he has had to step up his parenting on this holiday because his DW now sees that she's being short-changed. It wreaks of projection imo and it's even more sad that your DH isn't even doing his fair share by the sounds of it!

LadyKenya · 26/04/2025 12:56

What was his response? He must have a reason for relaying what was said to him.

Original poster
Babybirdaugust · 26/04/2025 12:56

Thanks for the replies. Apparently he said something in response like “we don’t keep point scoring” or something like that. And I think he regrets telling me because of how annoyed I am, he said “I shouldn’t have told you”, but I think he did tell me because we do tell each other most things. My other theory was this dad doesn’t spend as much time with his kids and maybe wants my husband to be more like him so it makes him look less bad. But like some above comments it’s hard to trust him now because I don’t know why he’d try and turn DH against me. For background him and his own wife have been arguing a lot of the week. He’s quite similar to me on that he’s tidy neat freak and both our partners are messy so maybe he resents seeing me doing the washing up when his own wife never touches the washing up. I over head him asking her to wipe the baby’s highchair because he’d done two loads of washing up in the sink and she said “no because that’s part of the washing up and you’ve not finished in that case”, which I thought was a bit unfair of her. But then why come on the attack of me?

OP posts:
Purplesy · 26/04/2025 12:57

What was your husbands agenda in telling you that?
Because I would tell him, "thanks for telling me, I won't be in his company again and I will happily tell him and his wife why."

I'd mean it too.

Lookingtomakechanges · 26/04/2025 12:59

I wonder why DH told you. He must have known it would be divisive and upsetting so could at least have waited until you got home. Maybe he's trying to tell you he feels hard done by???

MissUltraViolet · 26/04/2025 13:06

Given your update it sounds like he’s maybe a bit jealous and wishes his wife would do more like you have been and it’s come out in a petty, childish way.

Enjoy the rest of your holiday and don’t let it bother you. If they have issues in their marriage then it’s on them, keep doing you.

ExtraOnions · 26/04/2025 13:06

I’m sort of confused why your husband told you … I’m guessing it was so he could show you how great he was, as he did more compared to other men.. in fact so much more, his friend commented on it… if that is what’s happened.

I have lots of chats with my BF, that I would never share anywhere - I mean that’s part if having a BF .. so you can sometimes have a bit of a (confidential) moan to someone, who knows you are just having a bit of a bad day, and who will kept the chat between the two of you.

Would be interested in the context, it’s an odd thing to just blurt out, you have to think it’s part of a wider chat, that you were not party to.

AgentJohnson · 26/04/2025 13:08

“Turn your H against you”, come on OP unless your H is the biggest wet lettuce, how could he achieve this?

This man has revealed himself to be a twat. Personally, I’d lean into it and exaggerate your downtime and let your H take the brunt of this twat broadcasts. Your H will either speak up or he won’t, either way, it ain’t your problem.

ChompinCrocodiles · 26/04/2025 13:10

When someone tells you something nasty another person said about you, the first question you should ask is what was the motivation of the person who told you.

Viviennemary · 26/04/2025 13:12

Next time choose a holiday when nobody has to spend hours cleaning, I just can't see the point of it.

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