Page 6 | Date last night - he’s only just left!!

Tiredsaturday · 2025-04-26T08:26:19+00:00

I don’t know why I’m writing this really except that I’m wired and don’t know what else to do having texted a couple of my friends! Had a date last night. Lovely man who I’d been chatting to for a few weeks by text and phone. Had a coffee with him earlier in the week. This was ‘out out’. He’s only just left!!! Hehe! What a night! I am happy, excited, very tired indeed (!) and ever so slightly not really but a bit comically ashamed. Dunno what the AIBU is apart from maybe ‘AIBU to suggest to the kids later that we all go to bed at 6?’

Pyjamatimenow · 27/04/2025 09:40

Well I’m not a man and I can see quite clearly that she’d like a relationship with him given half a chance. Describing him as a ‘lovely man’ and being excited about him enough to post about him on an online forum are kind of giveaways. You get the very odd exemption that people always throw in on these types of posts but the vast, vast majority of men will not date ( in any meaningful way anyway) women who have sex with on the first meet. Anecdotal stories of those kind don’t tend to appear for obvious reasons.
I also agree with other posters that you have to really consider your children’s safety. I met a guy on OLD years ago before dh. I was a single mum. He was very hard to get rid of and there was some scary moments. Even 8 years later a local sports group my daughter attends posted a pic of her and he liked it even though he doesn’t live in the area at all. Rattled me. You really have to hold yourself to higher safety standards when you have kids than you perhaps would if you were just thinking of yourself.

sissygirl23 · 27/04/2025 09:48

Pyjamatimenow · 27/04/2025 09:40

Well I’m not a man and I can see quite clearly that she’d like a relationship with him given half a chance. Describing him as a ‘lovely man’ and being excited about him enough to post about him on an online forum are kind of giveaways. You get the very odd exemption that people always throw in on these types of posts but the vast, vast majority of men will not date ( in any meaningful way anyway) women who have sex with on the first meet. Anecdotal stories of those kind don’t tend to appear for obvious reasons.
I also agree with other posters that you have to really consider your children’s safety. I met a guy on OLD years ago before dh. I was a single mum. He was very hard to get rid of and there was some scary moments. Even 8 years later a local sports group my daughter attends posted a pic of her and he liked it even though he doesn’t live in the area at all. Rattled me. You really have to hold yourself to higher safety standards when you have kids than you perhaps would if you were just thinking of yourself.

Oh my god would you give it a rest? She has very clearly and articulately explained how she feels and yet wise old @Pyjamatimenowhas to come back over and over insisting that actually the op doesn’t know she own feelings, she very clearly wants a relationship and will quite obviously be an emotional wreck if she doesn’t hear from him again.

You’re making yourself look very silly. Op sounds capable and level headed. She doesn’t need a bunch of miserable, judgemental moaners pissing on her chips when all she wanted to do was have a positive vent about a great night of sex!!

You obviously had a bad experience and I’m sorry for that but projecting it onto someone else is unnecessary. It’s as if she isn’t allowed to have a good time in her own home because she has kids ( who weren’t there).

SuperTrooper14 · 27/04/2025 09:52

Pyjamatimenow · 27/04/2025 09:40

Well I’m not a man and I can see quite clearly that she’d like a relationship with him given half a chance. Describing him as a ‘lovely man’ and being excited about him enough to post about him on an online forum are kind of giveaways. You get the very odd exemption that people always throw in on these types of posts but the vast, vast majority of men will not date ( in any meaningful way anyway) women who have sex with on the first meet. Anecdotal stories of those kind don’t tend to appear for obvious reasons.
I also agree with other posters that you have to really consider your children’s safety. I met a guy on OLD years ago before dh. I was a single mum. He was very hard to get rid of and there was some scary moments. Even 8 years later a local sports group my daughter attends posted a pic of her and he liked it even though he doesn’t live in the area at all. Rattled me. You really have to hold yourself to higher safety standards when you have kids than you perhaps would if you were just thinking of yourself.

You must have low standards yourself if you think just because OP describes a man as lovely she must automatically be wanting to tie him down for a serious relationship. She came on the forum to share her excitement at the fabulous sex!

And it's offensive to claim that she hasn't considered her children's safety and that she's behaved in some sleazy way. Stop projecting your own irrational fears!

Edited to add: I slept with someone on the first date. 20 years on, he's currently upstairs having a nice lie-in while our teen DC makes breakfast for us. Go figure.

ItGhoul · 27/04/2025 09:55

Pyjamatimenow · 27/04/2025 09:40

Well I’m not a man and I can see quite clearly that she’d like a relationship with him given half a chance. Describing him as a ‘lovely man’ and being excited about him enough to post about him on an online forum are kind of giveaways. You get the very odd exemption that people always throw in on these types of posts but the vast, vast majority of men will not date ( in any meaningful way anyway) women who have sex with on the first meet. Anecdotal stories of those kind don’t tend to appear for obvious reasons.
I also agree with other posters that you have to really consider your children’s safety. I met a guy on OLD years ago before dh. I was a single mum. He was very hard to get rid of and there was some scary moments. Even 8 years later a local sports group my daughter attends posted a pic of her and he liked it even though he doesn’t live in the area at all. Rattled me. You really have to hold yourself to higher safety standards when you have kids than you perhaps would if you were just thinking of yourself.

You’re projecting your own problems on to other women. Please don’t do that.

Octoberdreaming · 27/04/2025 09:55

I wouldn’t be bringing someone to my home (where my kids live) on a second date - that’s a red flag in my opinion sorry 😳

Pyjamatimenow · 27/04/2025 09:57

@sissygirl23 @SuperTrooper14 she’s posted it in AIBU hence why she’s getting various opinions. I’m entitled to give mine even if you disagree with it. To me she sounds anything but ‘level headed’ on this.

Hastentoadd · 27/04/2025 09:58

Octoberdreaming · 27/04/2025 09:55

I wouldn’t be bringing someone to my home (where my kids live) on a second date - that’s a red flag in my opinion sorry 😳

Why? it was primarily her decision not his, she manufactured it by ‘dropping by the house’

Pyjamatimenow · 27/04/2025 10:01

@ItGhoul but it’s fine for other people to post their experiences that they shagged their husbands on the first date and now they’re living in bliss? It’s a discussion forum, it’s perfectly reasonable to offer alternative experiences. Negative experiences of meeting men on OLD are pretty common.

sissygirl23 · 27/04/2025 10:03

Pyjamatimenow · 27/04/2025 09:57

@sissygirl23 @SuperTrooper14 she’s posted it in AIBU hence why she’s getting various opinions. I’m entitled to give mine even if you disagree with it. To me she sounds anything but ‘level headed’ on this.

Because you’re not taking her comments on face value. You’re reading into them and allowing your own experience to somehow cloud your view. But what’s really arrogant is that you seem to think you know and understand the OPs feelings and motives better than she does. It’s very weird.

AnyoneWhoHasAHeart · 27/04/2025 10:04

Why is it that is never possible to have a thread on MN without people coming on to criticise/project their own experiences/put a downer on everything?

I swear to god if I posted that I’d won the lottery and given everything to charity people would come on to criticise that I’d left out x or y charity and won’t someone think about my children.

I mean I wouldn’t personally have sex on a second date but to each their own.

ECN73 · 27/04/2025 10:07

Sounds like a fab night and you have the right attitude 🙌

My husband and I had exactly the same ‘first date’ and we’ve been together for 12 years and still fancy the pants off each other.

Life is for living, and you’re doing exactly that!

ItGhoul · 27/04/2025 10:07

Viviennemary · 27/04/2025 01:29

I thoroughly disapprove of having sex with a virtual stranger. It really isn't anything to be proud of.

Don’t do it, then.

TammyJones · 27/04/2025 10:11

Pyjamatimenow · 27/04/2025 09:57

@sissygirl23 @SuperTrooper14 she’s posted it in AIBU hence why she’s getting various opinions. I’m entitled to give mine even if you disagree with it. To me she sounds anything but ‘level headed’ on this.

Agree @Pyjamatimenow
For a million reasons I’d rather forget.
I had a night like this over 30 years ago- just talking - nothing physical -
we’re still together- I’m glad we waited.
(And physically he’s the best )

ItGhoul · 27/04/2025 10:12

Pyjamatimenow · 27/04/2025 10:01

@ItGhoul but it’s fine for other people to post their experiences that they shagged their husbands on the first date and now they’re living in bliss? It’s a discussion forum, it’s perfectly reasonable to offer alternative experiences. Negative experiences of meeting men on OLD are pretty common.

The difference is that nobody who shagged their husband on the first date is using that experience to berate and shame women who didn’t.

TammyJones · 27/04/2025 10:12

AnyoneWhoHasAHeart · 27/04/2025 10:04

Why is it that is never possible to have a thread on MN without people coming on to criticise/project their own experiences/put a downer on everything?

I swear to god if I posted that I’d won the lottery and given everything to charity people would come on to criticise that I’d left out x or y charity and won’t someone think about my children.

I mean I wouldn’t personally have sex on a second date but to each their own.

I think because this is AIBU?

TeatimeForTheSoul · 27/04/2025 10:15

what a wonderful post 😁 Good for you finding for finding a fabulous night of lust 😁
I wonder how many nay-sayers are a little jealous? (tbh I’m a bit envious 😉)

If you’re still sore @Tiredsaturday could all the activity have prompted the beginnings of a UTI? If there’s any chance it might be worth getting some ‘cystitis’ sachets to head it off before it gets bad. No harm taking them as a preventative.

ItGhoul · 27/04/2025 10:19

TammyJones · 27/04/2025 10:12

I think because this is AIBU?

Show quote history

Loads of people click on trending threads and answer them without even noticing which topic they’ve been posted in, and people are just as judgemental and miserable in Relationships and Chat so it makes very little difference.

Original poster

Tiredsaturday · 27/04/2025 10:25

Guys - I’m sorry that this is getting rancorous in places. I wish it wouldn’t. I guess AIBU was asking for it but I didn’t know where else to put it!

I totally respect people’s choices about when and how and where to develop new relationships. There are loads of ways, and very few of them are definitely good or definitely bad. We’re all muddling through and I hope we can all try to help one another with love ❤️

OP posts:

Pyjamatimenow · 27/04/2025 10:29

ItGhoul · 27/04/2025 10:12

The difference is that nobody who shagged their husband on the first date is using that experience to berate and shame women who didn’t.

Show quote history

No they’re using it to encourage women to bring strangers into their homes where their kids live and have sex with them. How admirable.

Pikablue · 27/04/2025 10:31

Octoberdreaming · 27/04/2025 09:55

I wouldn’t be bringing someone to my home (where my kids live) on a second date - that’s a red flag in my opinion sorry 😳

The children weren't there, presumably she hasn't cut him a key and there's nothing to suggest he's more likely to force entry into her home than someone random (I'd guess less chance really). This place is miserable AF.

sissygirl23 · 27/04/2025 10:33

Pyjamatimenow · 27/04/2025 10:29

No they’re using it to encourage women to bring strangers into their homes where their kids live and have sex with them. How admirable.

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The children were not there.
Its op’s home too.
If she’d gone to a hotel you’d still be slagging her off saying it’s seedy. If she’d gone to his you’d be saying she was stupid and it’s dangerous. Just be frank - you disapprove of sex on a first date which is absolutely your right. But i don’t understand why you’d persist on posting on a thread where your primary aim is to make someone feel bad because their behaviour doesn’t align with what you believe to be proper and decent? Says a lot about your character - clearly not as pure as you’d like to think.

CunningLinguist1 · 27/04/2025 10:38

OP, you’re bloody marvellous & a shining example of empowerment to women everywhere. Excellent that you had a fun night without going full Jane Austen about it. No guilt, no shame (and rightly so).
Yay!

StarlightLady · 27/04/2025 10:40

Pyjamatimenow · 27/04/2025 10:29

No they’re using it to encourage women to bring strangers into their homes where their kids live and have sex with them. How admirable.

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Most assaults on women are carried out by people who are known, not strangers.

Having sex with consent is nothing to be ashamed of.

AnyoneWhoHasAHeart · 27/04/2025 10:42

TammyJones · 27/04/2025 10:12

I think because this is AIBU?

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Nope. That old excuse needs to stop. TBH if I ruled MN I would get rid of AIBU because AIBU is largely responsible for the way MN is now, a place where people actively come to disagree and put down other people, and the justification is always that “this is AIBU. People should be aware they will be disagreed with.”

That’s just not good enough. MN should be better than having what is effectively a fight topic where any opinion goes regardless of who it puts down.

CunningLinguist1 · 27/04/2025 10:46

Viviennemary · 27/04/2025 01:29

I thoroughly disapprove of having sex with a virtual stranger. It really isn't anything to be proud of.

Huh? What? OP is not accountable to you or your approval, right?
Women can have sex for fun, for pleasure, and with anyone they want, in their own homes, on their own terms.
”not anything to be proud of” is a strange comment. Is she also “a fallen woman” now?

Honestly loved reading OP’s strong, self assured and happy posts about a great experience had and a fun night on her terms. Shaming grown ass women for making choices & having sex is … odd?