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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Date last night - he’s only just left!!

230 replies

Tiredsaturday · 26/04/2025 09:26

I don’t know why I’m writing this really except that I’m wired and don’t know what else to do having texted a couple of my friends!

Had a date last night. Lovely man who I’d been chatting to for a few weeks by text and phone. Had a coffee with him earlier in the week. This was ‘out out’.

He’s only just left!!! Hehe! What a night! I am happy, excited, very tired indeed (!) and ever so slightly not really but a bit comically ashamed.

Dunno what the AIBU is apart from maybe ‘AIBU to suggest to the kids later that we all go to bed at 6?’

OP posts:
ByWittyLimePoet · 27/04/2025 07:26

ExtraOnions · 26/04/2025 21:05

Look at some statistics around Sexual Crimes against women, and then say it’s “boring”.

I’m delighted that the OP had a consensual fuck with some guy that she’s met twice, clearly means a lot to her … however, inviting a stranger to your house, and getting naked with them, can end very badly - and good luck getting it prosecuted, if something bad did happen.

Sorry not to join in with the giggles but 1 in 30 women in the UK are raped or sexually assaulted, and whilst this one ended ok, we really can never let our guard down.

Show quote history

Well, here's another 'fun' fact..some men, no matter whether they come to your house on the first or tenth date do not, in fact, end up raping you. That is because they are NOT rapists.

I know, wild, isn't it?!

The OP is safe. She doesn't need to hear your post coital bollocking.

SHE IS SAFE. BECAUSE SHE MET A MAN WHO IS NOT A RAPIST!

LlynTegid · 27/04/2025 07:28

Those who urge caution to expect more and observe that things do not always go well are being reasonable.

It should be in Chat, I think btw.

Jacarandill · 27/04/2025 07:29

greeenscreeen · 26/04/2025 22:04

You do realise that every new person is a "stranger" at first? They stop being strangers when your relationship develops with them. In what way would you suvgest @Tiredsaturday turns this man from a stranger to a friend(/fuck buddy/boyfriend) if she's not supposed be alone with him?

Show quote history

OP should have a chaperone, preferably police, for all encounters alone with a male.

She should have her car keys between her fingers at all times.

He should also undergo psychometric testing before the first date, and should be vetted for previous convictions, DBS checked and interviewed .

She should also have a rape alarm in her knickers and ask for certificates proving he’s been recently tested for STDs.

StarlightLady · 27/04/2025 07:30

Viviennemary · 27/04/2025 01:29

I thoroughly disapprove of having sex with a virtual stranger. It really isn't anything to be proud of.

Approval was not asked for. The OP was simply sharing some happy news.

And yes, there are times when it is something to be very proud of! It’s called passion and chemistry.

FiremanDan · 27/04/2025 07:35

Was there a reason that he left quite early in the morning, did he have somewhere that he needed to be? To be honest, I’d take it as a pretty bad sign if I had a guy stay the night and he wanted to leave first thing the next day, unless there was actually a good reason for it (or you had to be somewhere at that time)

SuperTrooper14 · 27/04/2025 07:37

FiremanDan · 27/04/2025 07:35

Was there a reason that he left quite early in the morning, did he have somewhere that he needed to be? To be honest, I’d take it as a pretty bad sign if I had a guy stay the night and he wanted to leave first thing the next day, unless there was actually a good reason for it (or you had to be somewhere at that time)

Does OP seem like she cares? No, she doesn’t.

Plus she had something to do - she said her kids were due home at 11. It was 9amish when she posted.

It’s not always about the man.

FiremanDan · 27/04/2025 07:41

SuperTrooper14 · 27/04/2025 07:37

Does OP seem like she cares? No, she doesn’t.

Plus she had something to do - she said her kids were due home at 11. It was 9amish when she posted.

It’s not always about the man.

Show quote history

Yes she does - as she is happy and excited and hoping for another date, so sounds very much as if she cares! I didn’t see that her DC were back at 11am (and did ask if she was the one with something to do) so that makes more sense.

It’s all very well to announce that someone had a great night and didn’t care, but there is a huge difference between seeing something as casual sex compared to seeing it as the start of a relationship… and I’d very much expect a man who was really keen to be suggested spending more of the day together/going out for lunch etc. But if there was a genuine reason that he needed to be out first thing then that makes a difference, which is why I asked.

Conkerjar · 27/04/2025 08:03

KnitFastDieWarm · 26/04/2025 21:13

@Tiredsaturday I had one of these dates a few years ago - I’d had the odd bit of fun here and there since my divorce but I clicked with this one from the first second of date one. Date two involved him visiting my house and, erm, very much proving his worth as a gentleman friend (at one point we were so giddy and giggly and pheromone-drunk that we high fived each other over how great we were in bed together 😂). I wasn’t looking for anything serious but he set a very high bar. That was three years ago.

Off on holiday with him tomorrow, he’s just done the hoovering, cooked dinner with the DC and DSC, and has just now appeared and asked me if i want a cup of tea. So it turned out he was a gem of a human being in addition to his other talents 😜

I wish you the same with your gent, it can happen!

Edited

Oh my god I love this.

JMSA · 27/04/2025 08:33

Aww, I love this!

SuperTrooper14 · 27/04/2025 08:41

FiremanDan · 27/04/2025 07:41

Yes she does - as she is happy and excited and hoping for another date, so sounds very much as if she cares! I didn’t see that her DC were back at 11am (and did ask if she was the one with something to do) so that makes more sense.

It’s all very well to announce that someone had a great night and didn’t care, but there is a huge difference between seeing something as casual sex compared to seeing it as the start of a relationship… and I’d very much expect a man who was really keen to be suggested spending more of the day together/going out for lunch etc. But if there was a genuine reason that he needed to be out first thing then that makes a difference, which is why I asked.

Show quote history

No, she very clearly states that she's happy and euphoric because she just had the best night's sex that she's had in 20 years!

It does feel like you are projecting your take on relationship angst onto her situation when it isn't a factor for her.

Original poster
Tiredsaturday · 27/04/2025 08:44

Morning everyone! So many replies to wake up to! Honestly, if past form is anything to go by then all you lovely people suddenly interested in my sex life are going to be extremely bored going forward!

It’s so lovely to hear about the ‘first date shags that turned into marriages’ stories. Good on you all! My friend is similar. Was in bed with her now-husband within about an hour of meeting him.

I have zero long term thoughts about this guy. I’ve known him for no time at all, and whilst he seems nice and was half of a fun evening, if we never saw each other again then fair enough.

The post about me being ‘an emotional wreck’ if we didn‘t see each other again made me laugh. God, I wouldn’t care! Apparently there are some other men in the world 🤷‍♀️? I think I saw one once but I’m not sure. And there’s even this thing called ‘being happily single and not actually requiring a man’.

There’s no ‘false sense of intimacy’ like someone said. I’m aware that we barely know each other.

For the ‘no sex with strangers’ people - fair enough. But I’d be interested in the boxes you feel need to be ticked before knickers come off! I can judge safety and risk. I don’t need to have taken a three week group holiday to Lourdes with him to let him
see my bum.

And, you know what, Friday night felt amazing. It was fun, disinhibited, and naughty. That’s why I do it and I’m not in the least bit bothered to admit it. Not to make babies, not to please a man, but because it feels good.

@FiremanDan He left cos he knew my kids were coming home, and honestly cos I’d run out of condoms! It was absolutely fine. I didn’t want to spend the day with him, nobody owed anyone lunch, and it was absolutely not a problem. I was grateful really cos I didn’t have to rush and could this avoid appearing in front of the kids looking like I’d spent the previous ten hours shagging.

@NormasArse I couldn’t possibly comment on reciprocity but yes and it was heaven. First time in sooo long.

I still feel a little tender 😳. Is this normal?! I think Friday night was an unprecedentedly busy evening for her and she is still recovering! I will go in the shower shortly and hopefully that’ll help.

You are all marvellous. Even the moaning Maureens.

OP posts:
StarlightLady · 27/04/2025 08:47

FiremanDan · 27/04/2025 07:41

Yes she does - as she is happy and excited and hoping for another date, so sounds very much as if she cares! I didn’t see that her DC were back at 11am (and did ask if she was the one with something to do) so that makes more sense.

It’s all very well to announce that someone had a great night and didn’t care, but there is a huge difference between seeing something as casual sex compared to seeing it as the start of a relationship… and I’d very much expect a man who was really keen to be suggested spending more of the day together/going out for lunch etc. But if there was a genuine reason that he needed to be out first thing then that makes a difference, which is why I asked.

Show quote history

It seems she did have things to do, with children coming back. Maybe he did too? Work perhaps?

Remember too that lovely feeling after a good night with someone new, when you climb back into bed after they have left, sort of “semi doze” and purr. Nothing else feels quite like it.

FiremanDan · 27/04/2025 08:48

SuperTrooper14 · 27/04/2025 08:41

No, she very clearly states that she's happy and euphoric because she just had the best night's sex that she's had in 20 years!

It does feel like you are projecting your take on relationship angst onto her situation when it isn't a factor for her.

Show quote history

I haven’t had any relationship angst for a long time. However, I do have single friends who are keen to get into relationships, and I’ve seen this play out quite a few times.

I have one particular friend who often turns up at my house in tears when things don’t progress, despite insisting that she is fine with it just being sex or “friends with benefits” at first.

She certainly isn’t the only one I’d seen it with either, and online dating seems to produce they result quite often. So, if OP was my friend and she seemed this excited, I’d really be urging caution. Perhaps the OP genuinely won’t care if she never hears from the man again and he ignores attempts from her to contact him, only she knows if that is genuinely the case.

SuperTrooper14 · 27/04/2025 08:55

Tiredsaturday · 27/04/2025 08:44

Morning everyone! So many replies to wake up to! Honestly, if past form is anything to go by then all you lovely people suddenly interested in my sex life are going to be extremely bored going forward!

It’s so lovely to hear about the ‘first date shags that turned into marriages’ stories. Good on you all! My friend is similar. Was in bed with her now-husband within about an hour of meeting him.

I have zero long term thoughts about this guy. I’ve known him for no time at all, and whilst he seems nice and was half of a fun evening, if we never saw each other again then fair enough.

The post about me being ‘an emotional wreck’ if we didn‘t see each other again made me laugh. God, I wouldn’t care! Apparently there are some other men in the world 🤷‍♀️? I think I saw one once but I’m not sure. And there’s even this thing called ‘being happily single and not actually requiring a man’.

There’s no ‘false sense of intimacy’ like someone said. I’m aware that we barely know each other.

For the ‘no sex with strangers’ people - fair enough. But I’d be interested in the boxes you feel need to be ticked before knickers come off! I can judge safety and risk. I don’t need to have taken a three week group holiday to Lourdes with him to let him
see my bum.

And, you know what, Friday night felt amazing. It was fun, disinhibited, and naughty. That’s why I do it and I’m not in the least bit bothered to admit it. Not to make babies, not to please a man, but because it feels good.

@FiremanDan He left cos he knew my kids were coming home, and honestly cos I’d run out of condoms! It was absolutely fine. I didn’t want to spend the day with him, nobody owed anyone lunch, and it was absolutely not a problem. I was grateful really cos I didn’t have to rush and could this avoid appearing in front of the kids looking like I’d spent the previous ten hours shagging.

@NormasArse I couldn’t possibly comment on reciprocity but yes and it was heaven. First time in sooo long.

I still feel a little tender 😳. Is this normal?! I think Friday night was an unprecedentedly busy evening for her and she is still recovering! I will go in the shower shortly and hopefully that’ll help.

You are all marvellous. Even the moaning Maureens.

Great response! If people can't get their head round a woman happy to just enjoy a night of glorious sex and want nothing more, then that's on them and their knicker-zipping insecurities.

The bit about showing your bum made me spit my toast out on the dog! Always great to start the day with a loud guffaw!

SuperTrooper14 · 27/04/2025 08:56

FiremanDan · 27/04/2025 08:48

I haven’t had any relationship angst for a long time. However, I do have single friends who are keen to get into relationships, and I’ve seen this play out quite a few times.

I have one particular friend who often turns up at my house in tears when things don’t progress, despite insisting that she is fine with it just being sex or “friends with benefits” at first.

She certainly isn’t the only one I’d seen it with either, and online dating seems to produce they result quite often. So, if OP was my friend and she seemed this excited, I’d really be urging caution. Perhaps the OP genuinely won’t care if she never hears from the man again and he ignores attempts from her to contact him, only she knows if that is genuinely the case.

Show quote history

Read her update.

StarlightLady · 27/04/2025 08:57

Tiredsaturday · 27/04/2025 08:44

Morning everyone! So many replies to wake up to! Honestly, if past form is anything to go by then all you lovely people suddenly interested in my sex life are going to be extremely bored going forward!

It’s so lovely to hear about the ‘first date shags that turned into marriages’ stories. Good on you all! My friend is similar. Was in bed with her now-husband within about an hour of meeting him.

I have zero long term thoughts about this guy. I’ve known him for no time at all, and whilst he seems nice and was half of a fun evening, if we never saw each other again then fair enough.

The post about me being ‘an emotional wreck’ if we didn‘t see each other again made me laugh. God, I wouldn’t care! Apparently there are some other men in the world 🤷‍♀️? I think I saw one once but I’m not sure. And there’s even this thing called ‘being happily single and not actually requiring a man’.

There’s no ‘false sense of intimacy’ like someone said. I’m aware that we barely know each other.

For the ‘no sex with strangers’ people - fair enough. But I’d be interested in the boxes you feel need to be ticked before knickers come off! I can judge safety and risk. I don’t need to have taken a three week group holiday to Lourdes with him to let him
see my bum.

And, you know what, Friday night felt amazing. It was fun, disinhibited, and naughty. That’s why I do it and I’m not in the least bit bothered to admit it. Not to make babies, not to please a man, but because it feels good.

@FiremanDan He left cos he knew my kids were coming home, and honestly cos I’d run out of condoms! It was absolutely fine. I didn’t want to spend the day with him, nobody owed anyone lunch, and it was absolutely not a problem. I was grateful really cos I didn’t have to rush and could this avoid appearing in front of the kids looking like I’d spent the previous ten hours shagging.

@NormasArse I couldn’t possibly comment on reciprocity but yes and it was heaven. First time in sooo long.

I still feel a little tender 😳. Is this normal?! I think Friday night was an unprecedentedly busy evening for her and she is still recovering! I will go in the shower shortly and hopefully that’ll help.

You are all marvellous. Even the moaning Maureens.

Girl on fire! OP, you sound realistic, bold pragmatic and fun. Pamper her today and keep her active. The vulva really does return the love. ❤️

FiremanDan · 27/04/2025 08:58

SuperTrooper14 · 27/04/2025 08:56

Read her update.

Show quote history

I have now, thanks. And again, I hope she is someone who genuinely is able to easily bounce back if rejected, after a night of sex with someone who she is openly hoping to have another date with - as she said much earlier in the thread when asked if there will be another one: “He texted before to thank me for a fun night. Hopefully I will see him again soon.”

Holiday0007 · 27/04/2025 08:59

Reading this late last night prompted me to have a dream of similar nature, even though I'm married!! All those exciting feelings are still with me a few hours after waking up...brought me right back to my twenties and the excitement of a night like this!

OrlandointheWilderness · 27/04/2025 09:00

Glad you had a good evening! Nights like that are good for the soul sometimes 😂.

Original poster
Tiredsaturday · 27/04/2025 09:05

FiremanDan · 27/04/2025 08:58

I have now, thanks. And again, I hope she is someone who genuinely is able to easily bounce back if rejected, after a night of sex with someone who she is openly hoping to have another date with - as she said much earlier in the thread when asked if there will be another one: “He texted before to thank me for a fun night. Hopefully I will see him again soon.”

Edited
Show quote history

You’re overthinking it.

Hopefully I will see him again. Hopefully it is sunny today. If either of those hopes fails to materialise, I’ll be fine!

OP posts:
Riaanna · 27/04/2025 09:05

FiremanDan · 27/04/2025 08:58

I have now, thanks. And again, I hope she is someone who genuinely is able to easily bounce back if rejected, after a night of sex with someone who she is openly hoping to have another date with - as she said much earlier in the thread when asked if there will be another one: “He texted before to thank me for a fun night. Hopefully I will see him again soon.”

Edited
Show quote history

That doesn’t mean I will spend the rest of my life weeping if I don’t.

kissmyfatass · 27/04/2025 09:11

Good for you. Glad you enjoyed.
sex is for fun not just making babies.

SuperTrooper14 · 27/04/2025 09:18

FiremanDan · 27/04/2025 08:58

I have now, thanks. And again, I hope she is someone who genuinely is able to easily bounce back if rejected, after a night of sex with someone who she is openly hoping to have another date with - as she said much earlier in the thread when asked if there will be another one: “He texted before to thank me for a fun night. Hopefully I will see him again soon.”

Edited
Show quote history

So you've read her update and still don't want to believe her actual written words that she can take or leave seeing him again? You've decided that you're right, she must be lying? Wow, that's some ego on you. Your username suggests you are a man. Here's a tip: not every woman wants a relationship with every man she sleeps with.

MummaMummaMumma · 27/04/2025 09:22

Good for you! Great attitude about a fun night!

ByWittyLimePoet · 27/04/2025 09:26

Most of you haven't had decent sex in a while. And it shows! 😅

Who wouldn't want to meet someone for seconds if they fulfilled their sexual desires?! It's really a no~brainer! But if she doesn't see him again? She's still good...life goes on!

The only way you cannot get your head around this sentiment is if your own sex lives are dull!

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