AIBU to want to make a complaint about a physiotherapist?

[Toooldforallthisnow]

DH currently in hospital (NHS) after a fall, doing ok, but can't come home yet. He is being well looked after and has a physiotherapist who is seeing him regularly.

I visit DH most days, and I have seen this physiotherapist several times now. I have no complaint about the care she is giving DH and he seems very happy with her, indeed she is incredibly personable towards him - however, when speaking to me she is somewhat aloof to the point of rudeness. I am not one to let this sort of thing go unnoticed, so when I saw her yesterday, I asked her if I may have a word in private.

I told her that I was aware of her attitude towards me, and how I'd done nothing to warrant it, so asked if she could explain the reason for being so curt. She looked me in the eye and said that while she didn't expect me to know who she was, she remembered me from when I taught her in junior school.

I had a very brief career as a teacher during the very late 1980s. I hated everything about teaching, so much that after qualifying and taking a position in a school, I only spent eight months in the job. I left without completing a single academic year. I then retrained into another and completely different field, and moved some thirty or more miles away. I almost never speak of my time in teaching as it was the lowest point of my life, and I went on to make a new life for myself. Teaching was not for me and put it all behind me.

Long story short, physiotherapist said while she appreciated she had been one of the more (to use her words) "lucky" pupils, and that I'd only ever shouted at her, she remembered well how I'd smacked some of the other children, and even thrown someones desk across the room.

I cannot deny this, I was young (26) and although it wasn't technically allowed, smacking was something which still went on in schools. I don't remember doing it very often. I do remember shouting, and I do remember the incident with the desk, after a child had pushed me to my limit. It was soon after that I went on long-term sick. But no matter what, I never had a single complaint made against me by anyone.

I am shocked this woman remembers so much, I even wonder if in her mind she has exaggerated some of it, but regardless of that I think she is using it inappropriately to influence the way she speaks to me. She told me that while she realises she has been abrupt, she cannot forget the way I had been towards a group of children (from memory they would have been aged 9 or 10). She said I was more than welcome to make a complaint about her, but given that I am not her patient and that the reason for her being the way towards me has nothing to do with what she called the "protected characteristics" (I had to look that one up), there wasn't a great deal I could expect.

I have to admit, this altercation has riled me further. I am not denying my past, heaven knows I have admitted it here, but do I really have to be held hostage to it?

YABU - don't complain

YANBU - complain, this is not professional behaviour in this day and age.

Surely you are trolling us, OP?

So any bahaviour by an OP should be recieved with an open mind, a caring heart and lots of flower & prayer emoji's. Even those who have bullied, scared and smacked children?
Using your logic, someone who admits to murder should be given a street party.
Does it take long to polish a halo?

.

I went to school in the 80s and smacking was not common place. In fact it was banned in school. How are you surprised that she remembers? Kids will remember this stuff in great detail because it would have been traumatizing for them. There were no complaints because kids put up with shitty teachers in the 80s more than they do now. It's good that you got out when you did. You seem to remember the whole thing from only your own point of view and not considering how awful it would have been for the poor kids.

😂😂😂😂😂 the OP has been a brave little soldier...
Omg. Presumably you condone child abuse then expect the abused child to forgive their abuser if they happen to come across them in later life? The abused child, as an adult, is expected to understand that 'the job was too hard', or any other excuse, and that's what led the abuser to abuse?
Most abusers have an ready-prepared excuse reason for their abuse. Some people condone this, sadly. There is no excuse.
And at 26, people are doctors, nurses, physiotherapists, in the armed forces, the police, and a myriad of other responsible jobs, who manage not to abuse those in their care.

I hope this physiotherapist comes across this thread and gets the courage to report you OP to the Police for historic child abuse.

Of course more than one child has been left traumatised by this horrendous behaviour, albeit "only" for 8 months. Thank goodness you at least saw some sense in leaving the profession. None of what you've said sounds regretful. You were 26, that's more than old enough to be the mature adult in difficult situations with a class of children and not resort to child abuse.

You've left these children traumatised through your behaviour - smacking?! Throwing a desk across the room?! Are you thinking a class of 9 year olds "made you do it" because of X that they/a child(!) did? Just like every abuser has ever said. Child abuse is never, ever justified. They were children for goodness sake. You were the adult. Read the room.

This was historic child abuse and I hope you face up to it

as an aside
It wasn’t banned until 1986 and brought in in 1987
Later in private schools and Scotland

I was at school till 1985 and I remember corporal punishment being used.

Shocking that it was that late. OP however said very late 80s so she would've known this was illegal at the time she was smacking children and throwing furniture across the room traumatising small children.

"I had a very brief career as a teacher during the very late 1980s."

That's ridiculous. There is no 'conflict of interest'. The physio is treating the husband. She has no relationship with the relative.
I had to treat an ex-boyfriends mother when I was nursing. It had been a nasty split, but I just got on with caring for her and interacting with the rest of the family. No conflict of interest. It isn't a police investigation ffs.
If you're an ahp, your knowledge of professional conduct is worrying; you need to re-read your code of conduct, and if you find the section that says you cannot treat the family of someone you knew decades ago, please share it.

If you complained to me about the physio and I subsequently found out through her what you had done OP, I would be asking her if she wanted any support in reporting you for historical abuse.
Think yourself fortunate you haven't been prosecuted or had to face up to a parent of those youngsters you may have traumatised.

My comment was to someone who said corporal punishment didn’t exist in the 80s though
I was just pointing out it did.
Some on here may be shocked to read some schools in Scotland and NI didn’t ban it in till the early 2000s !

Fricking hell, normalising abuse! We all done shit things but this, this is beyond shit, this is child abuse and life trauma. If her seeing her colleagues being abused left such a mark, how do you think the children who were hit felt? I done lots of bad in my life but hand on heart never hit someone let alone helpless innocent children. If you think we are harsh I really would want to see uour reaction if your own child would be hit by teachers. Not so "poor her she must regret it" I am certain!

Also, there is a gap between perfect a d hitting children. Very large gap. None us saud we are perfect, that is not the point. She doesen't seem to "feel terrible" either as first instinct is to complain instead of apologies and doesn't understand why she still remembers.

I trained as a teacher in the late 80’s and started teaching in the early 90’s and “smacking” was certainly not something that was acceptable then, you are well aware that you were a truly terrible teacher who has clearly traumatised her pupils. What’s good is that you recognised it, left and hopefully have a career where you don’t bully and abuse people.
please don’t make a complaint against the physio, it sounds like she’s doing a good job with your dh and being nice to you is not really part of that. Let her do her job and stay out of her way.

Where on earth was physical violence in use in schools in the late 1980s? I remember it being disallowed in the mid70s.

YABU and I’m shocked at how you behaved as a teacher during the 80’s, however you should move on and forget it after you’ve had one last chat with the physio.
In your shoes I would apologise to her explaining the reasons for your behaviour. Remember this is her career and you shouldn’t complain and try to derail it - that would be morally wrong.

This. Whilst your post acknowledges what you did back then, there is very little in what you’ve written that suggests any real remorse or true ownership for the damage you have (evidently) caused to at least one of the pupils who was under your care for those 8 months.

Given you say the standard of treatment she is giving your DH is not a concern, you absolutely should not be complaining. I think your best course of action is to try to stay out of her way whilst she’s doing her job and perhaps, during those 20/30 minutes when your taking a walk around the hospital or having a cuppa in the canteen to kill time, you can hold a mirror up to yourself and really candidly reflect on what she said. Think about what you did, why you did it, why you still seem to think you can justify/make excuses for it and most importantly, what you can learn from this. You’ve had some very raw and harsh feedback from your former pupil. Instead of minimising what happened, perhaps accept the extent of the upset you’ve caused.

Who knows, you may find that after one of those time killing trips and all of that introspection, you’ll realise you need to find the physio and give her a sincere apology? One that fully acknowledges your behaviour back then, with no excuses or rationalisations. I personally think it should also be an apology that recognises your sheer audacity to still be considering making a complaint against her, particularly when you so abjectly failed to respond appropriately with an apology immediately after she’d revealed the truth to you during your ‘altercation’.

This.

This, she probably doesn't want anyone else who may remember you seeing her talk with you and think that she's OK with you.
The absolute arrogance in yout post to brush off physical and verbal assault of children and make YOURSELF the victim of the situation, yet considering a complaint about someone not being deferential enough for your liking? Arrogance. Do have the belief system that a public employee is a 'public servant'?!

Can’t believe you’re moaning about perceived unprofessional behaviour when as an adult you were smacking ids and throwing desks at them! And it wasn’t allowed to behave like this in the 80s. Sure complain against her and watch that bite you on the arse when she complains to the police about you assaulting kids!

Actually yes this. If I line managed them, and this came in, I'd be asking if they wanted referral to Occy Health, wanted removed from ever having to liaise with you and definitely offering full support to report historical abuse. Hell I don't know if I'd want someone like you @Toooldforallthisnow on my ward with vulnerable people on it!

You sound incredibly naive/thick-skinned: you don’t seem to have any idea of the effects that smacking, shouting and throwing a desk around might have on a bunch of children. Those actions engender fear and anxiety.

If I were you, I’d feel utterly ashamed and remorseful on meeting someone who’d both witnessed and been on the receiving end of such appalling behaviour.

But you sound stroppy, entitled and without much conscience at all.

Different world back in 1980’s, OP was clearly not supported in her first year of teaching as this resulted in an awful situation for both pupils and the young teacher. That is in the past. Given the past and the fact the treatment of the OP’s husband is good I think it would be best to remain on c basic communication with the physio. The reality of the classroom over 30 years ago may be different to what is remembered by both parties, the past can’t be changed and to coin a phrase “recollections may vary”. Best in my view to move on, the physio needs to act professionally and it seems that her behaviour is borderline but maybe given the past give her the benefit of the doubt.

Another voice saying that if you made this complaint against one of my subordinates it would open a can of worms for you that you might prefer remained closed.

The fact that you pulled someone else's HCP to challenge them on being 'aloof' (lol) towards you suggests that you have not resolved the aggression and control issues that led you to abuse children. Instead of making a complaint, perhaps some therapy.

@Ilovetowander op herself admits her abusive behaviour physical and verbal to little ,children.
Do you honestly think 'oh well it's in the past, move on.... oh poor abuser!!'