Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you date a man that wasn’t married or had no kids by age 50?

121 replies

hecaved · 25/04/2025 19:54

just that really? I am
a divorced mother of three teens and would like and am
ready for a relationship again. Like all kids, they have their challenges and part of
my Wishes to be in a relationship is to have support and essentially a great friend with whom to share struggles , if even through conversation .
is it unreasonable to go there?

OP posts:
Mum2jenny · 25/04/2025 19:55

No, as I’d assume there were very few experiences we could have shared.

whitewineandsun · 25/04/2025 19:57

Not if I had children, no.

LaMarschallin · 25/04/2025 19:57

I'd prefer to date someone without children but I would expect someone of 50 to have had at least one or two long-term relationships (not necessarily marriage).

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 25/04/2025 20:00

What has he been doing with himself? x

Bread121bread · 25/04/2025 20:00

Yes, I would if our values aligned and I felt like he would add more than he would take from the family dynamic.

There are lot of reasons why someone remains childless for a long time. For example he might have had a long term girlfriend, who didn't want marriage and children. He might be a workaholic and he was busy setting up life for himself.

He might have been to busy to get a life part because x, y and z......

TheHappyBug · 25/04/2025 20:04

I wouldn’t date a man that had kids so I find that part appealing.

Never married, has he been single the whole time or does he have previous relationships that just never ended with marriage. I would certainly raise an eyebrow an no long term relationships but it would entirely depend on his circumstances.

loropianalover · 25/04/2025 20:04

No kids and no ex wife sounds ideal to me, assuming he’s a good person, works, is normal in the head etc.

PauliesWalnuts · 25/04/2025 20:05

I’m his opposite then - single, 52, never married, no kids. I wouldn’t date a parent again - I have no ties and would want to date someone the same rather than share the load of kids who weren’t mine. Kids, I like. Single dads who are good dads, I like. It was the ex wife who did nowhere near her fair share of the 50/50 custody agreement that I found very hard.

faerietales · 25/04/2025 20:05

Yep. I don't have any interest in kids or the baggage of an ex-wife.

Mum2jenny · 25/04/2025 20:06

I’d think if he’d had no long term relationships or kids by the age of 50, there was something hidden in his background so I’d not be interested.

Theoldholeyjumper · 25/04/2025 20:07

No children would be a bonus for me as there would as imo there would be less potential for conflict.

It wouldn’t bother me at all if someone had never been married as long as they’d been in some sort of serious long term relationship but I would be cautious of someone who’s had no long term relationships at all at that age and I’d be seriously wondering why

cheezncrackers · 25/04/2025 20:07

Depends. Never been married, but has he had LT relationships? Not everyone has/wants kids, so I wouldn't hold that against him, but I'm not sure how much support he'll be to you in managing your kids if he isn't a parent himself. Does he even want that role? As a childless 50-something I'm pretty sure I wouldn't.

winterdarkness · 25/04/2025 20:08

Providing he had an interesting life, yes, absolutely! I have plenty of female friends in their 50s who are childless and never married. They’ve had and continue to have a very full life. I can’t see why a man would be any different

Kitkatcatflap · 25/04/2025 20:08

Has he been in long term relationships? Is he independent?

A 50 year old man still living at home - No?

Reallyyyyyy · 25/04/2025 20:09

Yes, it would be less drama if they didn't have kids involved. Maybe he just didn't want kids. Nothing wrong with that. Maybe he didn't meet someone he felt he wanted to marry, nothing wrong with that either. Sensible actually. You don't have to get married or have kids to be an adult.

I sometimes think the world would be better off if more.people didn't get married and have kids!

RamblingEclectic · 25/04/2025 20:22

I know men and women in their 40s and 50s, no kids, never married, who just spent their time differently - either focused on their other family relationships, traveling, and/or creative pursuits on top of work & either they had little interest until later in life or it just didn't happen. We can share struggles and be close even if our life paths haven't been similar.

Pineapplewaves · 25/04/2025 20:23

Yes - DP is 58 and has never married. He was with his partner before me for 25 years. They never married because she didn’t want to marry him (she was the higher earner, had a much bigger house etc and wanted to keep all her assets for her). DP and I will never marry because he is the higher earner, has a great pension, owns his house outright and wants to keep all his assets for his children to inherit.

Not everyone wants kids but he would need to understand that you do.

MelonElla · 25/04/2025 20:35

Yes, if I was also around 50. If I was younger, no.

Horticula · 25/04/2025 20:36

Only if he's had at least one long term relationship and has already lived with a woman. Otherwise I'd think there were definitely issues and I wouldn't touch him with a barge pole. Not having children would not raise the same concerns.

Being brutally frank however, I cannot see why a single childless 50 year old man with no issues would want to become involved with a woman with 3 teenagers. That's the worst age of childhood to "take on", and you haven't even got the background of love for them like a parent does which can get you through any difficult times.

It also sings out from your post that you want a relationship because you want this person to help you with your children. That's not fair on the man at all and doesn't bode well for a healthy relationship. If you find it difficult to be a parent to them then instead of looking for a man to solve your problems maybe spend some money on counselling or therapy.

SmegmaCausesBV · 25/04/2025 20:38

Personally I would wait for my kids to be at uni before having a guy in the house. I'd not think much about the no kids/marriage as much as I don't think that means they are more likely to be dodgy or anything. Less likely to be aware of being responsible, possibly. It really depends on the man and what you want from a relationship. If kids were at uni I'd be happy with that set up as you can then travel together etc as he might be more of a Peter Pan type who just likes hedonism.

Original poster
hecaved · 25/04/2025 20:41

Sorry I should have been more clear . I absolutely do NOT want parenting support. I do not want to Live with a man while my
children are here. I would
like a living apart relationship for at least the next five years.
what I would
like is to verbally share my struggles with a partner and feel supported. That is all.

OP posts:
Youbutterbelieve · 25/04/2025 20:43

Yes I'd happily date them if I found them attractive and we had common interests. Not sure what the issue is.

Foodoverload · 25/04/2025 20:45

I would. In mid 40s, no kids and hadn’t lived with a guy before. Relationship history of more single than anything else as I was rubbish at picking nice guys or those with kids just weren’t for me. . Had relationships that didn’t last for more than 2 years. Been with DP for 3 years. I was a catch in his eyes as I had no baggage. He has a grown up kid and divorced, but we work

spicemaiden · 25/04/2025 20:46

Nope. If he was only a FWB and was an excellent shag that would be as far as I’d go.

blackheartsgirl · 25/04/2025 20:47

Yes I did and married him.

he had one adult child that wasn’t biologically his (but he brought her up and still had regular contact.

we had loads in common and he took on my four (two late teens and 2 preteens) we didn’t move in together for quite a while though, he liked his own house and space as did I with my kids.

i am now widowed and to be honest if i ever did date again o would not be dating a man with young children, done that wayy back in the past with the father of my dc and never again, so problematic.

never gonna happen though, im nearly 50 now, im through with relationships. Anybody potential would never come close to dh