Would you date a man that wasn’t married or had no kids by age 50?

[hecaved]

just that really? I am
a divorced mother of three teens and would like and am
ready for a relationship again. Like all kids, they have their challenges and part of
my Wishes to be in a relationship is to have support and essentially a great friend with whom to share struggles , if even through conversation .
is it unreasonable to go there?

In reality you can have personal experience but still zero empathy so having kids is not a guarantee for understanding.
However I would be more concerned that he didn’t have a relationship before, there might be a good reason for this but I would want to know why.
DH has a friend who is similar description. He is clever and successful but not very empathetic and understanding and I think that’s partly why he is not married/ in relationship (he would tell you that he was busy with work).

I'm currently seeing a man on 48 who has never married or had kids.

It's true he's "different" in what he wants from life. He's set up a way of life for himself that means he works hours that suit him, doing flexible work when he needs to, leaving lots of time for hobbies, sport and travel.

If I was looking to align financial interests he perhaps wouldn't be suitable, but as a companion to have adventures with he's ace. I thought he'd be set in his ways and not want to fit me into his life much, but that hasn't been the case at all.

IME divorced men with adult children carry so much guilt that they are at their DC's beck and call financially and practically.

Turning this around, I would not date someone with 3 kids who judges others simply based on the fact that they have never been married/are childless.

Maybe the judgey people on this thread should spend more time worrying about being viewed as odd undesirables themselves, given that unlike over 50% of married couples they apparently couldn’t make their marriage work and, you know, there must be a reason their long-term partner didn’t want to stay with them… red flags all around…

Not to mention of course the fact that they were apparently irresponsible enough to bring kids into an unstable relationship.

Yes.

So......... "I really like you but as you haven't got a failed marriage and a couple of kids in tow I'm not interested"

How does the fact that he hasn't impregnated a woman and then left her and the child count against him?? He's always been careful with contraception, what a loser! 😂

You know people can have sex and relationships without being married and having kids, right?

I suspect that most people without kids have a lot more time, privacy and energy for shagging each other than the average parent does.

I agree with you it also sounds like op is looking for the next step dad bank.

Yes, of course. I thought the implication was this hypothetical person was basically single and hadn't had (m)any long-term relationships.

I was really just being facetious and also have a particular person in mind to whom this applies.

So you want someone who understands and accepts your children’s ‘struggles’ because they’ve experienced parenting, but you don’t want them to be a parent?

Personally I think a never married man with no DC is a way more attractive proposition than a divorcee with three teens!

That said I wouldn't expect him to be particularly helpful with the teens "struggles", but then I wouldn't expect a man who has his own DC to be interested in taking them on either.

Would a man in his 50s with no children want to date someone with 3?

Yes. I’m mid 40s, no kids and don’t want any so I think we’d have a lot in common.
Not being married wouldn’t bother me, I’ve never been married and I’ve only had one serious LTR (in my defence that’s because most men are awful 😂)

Especially teenagers with "struggles" as the OP has said. Wouldn't have thought that would make his heart soar.

Why would any single person in their 50s want a relationship with someone with three kids?

Mine is actually brilliant with my DC, and my nephews, but they're young adults and don't have struggles, or at least no more than normal amount of struggles for young people.

If someone has kids of their own already, I would have thought they’d be primarily focused on them, rather than on your kids and their ‘struggles’.

If your own kids have ‘struggles’ then why do you think bringing another set of kids into the mix is going to help? Blended families and 50-50 custody arrangements aren’t exactly known for being stress-free.

Or are you assuming that he’ll just transfer his parenting from his kids to yours and his kids will just remain a thing of the past from which he draws experience?

Of course! I am not far off 50 and have no kids and never been married either.
No kids and no ex wife around means less baggage.
I have never wanted kids, and I don't want to be a step mum either.

It seems you are implying that a man who had got to 50 with no kids or an ex-wife is somehow lesser than those who have them. Like there must be something wring with them.

I find it strange that people would judge someone that hasn’t had a long term relationship. Of course, there might be issues, it might be a red flag, but equally, maybe that person just hasn’t found the right person and didn’t want to settle for mediocre like everyone else seems to do because they can’t handle being single/alone. It would be silly to dismiss them without getting to know them and their reasons a bit first.

You surely have to admit it's very unusual to get to 50 and never ever to have had a serious relationship. Of course it's right to be choosy but come on, nobody's standards can be so high that it takes them over 30 years to meet somebody they'd be happy to have a long term relationship with. If they are that person then a mother of 3 teenagers with problems can't possibly be their dream woman.

It wouldn't put me off, a family member of mine would have loved to have had kids and had been in long term relationships but it just never happened for various reasons. He is now nearly 50 and recently married and is a great step dad/grandad. Just because he had never had kids himself and hadn't been married didn't mean he didn't want to do those things. It seems odd to me to dismiss someone without finding out more about them.

I have and then married him. We had both been married before but neither of us have kids so it’s worked well for us.

50 with absolutely no baggage? He sounds like a catch and I'd imagine quite a few women are after him. No offence but I don't really see what the appeal would be from his side tbh.

Yeah why not?

If assume he was smart to not get anyone pregnant and had high standards. My DH was 40 with no kids. I would expect them to have had one or two long term relationship but not everyone finds someone. You could just date him, I'm sure if there are any red flags they'll show quite quickly.