DH wants me to get a job

[Missedp]

My husband has been pressuring me to go back to work, however I am happy with our current arrangement: I am a SAHM for our 3 children, a caregiver to my family and a local volunteer.
DH earns as good wage and we have money left over each month. I do the school runs and the children have a wonderful routine; I can also help friends and family with any ad hoc support.
DH wants to “accelerate” our savings and wants me to contribute financially but once you factor in a cleaner, the additional stress to of working and arranging care, it hardly seems worth it. I’ll be making slightly above minimum wage.

I agree that OP should find a job under the circumstances.

But this is a very transactional way of looking at family finances and I’m not sure it’s healthy for a marriage.

I work from home as a massage therapist and have a lot of autonomy over my working day. I choose my hours, meaning the child care routines are all managed. Granted I have one DC of secondary school age, which makes things easier; but I can work with DC at home. I don't need to fret about that sudden day off school. Could working from home in a self-employed capacity fit your lifestyle?

This.

The problem in most societies is that SHM/D is not costed. Any job outside the home is costed depending on hours, responsibilities, field etc but never the work at home. It's been put on the table on many countries but guess what? No one wants to touch it because it's still seen a woman's primarily job, and it's very very, cheap.

You need to cost up the reality of working outside home. How much you'll likely earn and how much you'll tax will likely increase. How much you'll pay for after school care and cleaners to take the bulk of maintaining your house tidy, and daily distribution of cooking meals.

Then add the admin the weekly time you spend running the house, and emergency time when a child has to be collected because they are sick. You also need to spell out how you'll divide time off during school holidays, and what happens when a child is sick and both of you have essential work meetings you need to attend.

Do your research regarding average costings and be clear and specific.

Can’t you work during school hours and keep their routine?

He's right. Having ££ left over at the end of the month isn't the only criteria here.

Get a job. Make it work but it sounds like you are going to expect him to make that work too.

If they're at school then DH isn't being unreasonable. However he'll have to contribute to the housework and school runs if you work.

So if they’re working the same amount of hours then the person earning more gets the right to do less housework/child rearing?! Since when did earning power buy this entitlement? If she was working eg 3 days compared to his 5 days then yes of course she’ll have more time so should do more but if not then please explain why earning more but working the same amount of hours means that one person should do less around the house than the other.

Each to their own and I loved being a sahm but as soon as dd2 got to school I was desperate to earn again.

Cannot imagine not wanting to contribute unless maybe you are hugely wealthy and money is no object. Do you have a service you can sell? That’s what I did worked well around the family and ended up being surprisingly lucrative.

He already does a fair amount around the house, so he won’t be doing too much more.

What utter nonsense of course he needs to step up.

Very often despite what is said on here about very important man-jobs always taking priority the more senior you are very often the more control you have over your calendar/ can wfh on occasion.

Lots of people would like the luxury of being a SAHM but is this fair for your husband who, according to you, already helps out a lot. You could work part time at least.

Was quite satisfying when my one woman band side business to fit around kids ended up earning more than dhs big man important job.

And which bit of this do you think working parents don’t do?

This will become resentment on his part; you should get a job as he may end up leaving you or the marriage becomes toxic could end .and then you will need to get a job.

Yes. This.

19 pages of replies and this is all you had to say.

As if this isn’t a wind up post.

What does he do around the house then? Especially as surely most household/child related things fall under your job as a sahm? If you’re working will he be not be taking on a share of school runs and days off when the kids are ill so can’t go in etc?

As a working parent I can say that our diets are far worse, homework is rushed and the house is significantly dirtier/untidier.

If you have time to volunteer, you have time to work. I am with your DH on this one.

Really? Thats not my experience. I still cook every night and all homework is done on weekend. We keep super tidy, a busy life is easier when you’re tidy and cleaning is faster

Same here. Though mine are younger so no homework yet.

How easy do you think it'll be to get a school hours job after years not working?

If you work for yourself it’s flexible. I was around for the after school period then saw clients in the evening after kids had gone to bed. Plus no boss.

Yep, of course it happened.