DH wants me to get a job

[Missedp]

My husband has been pressuring me to go back to work, however I am happy with our current arrangement: I am a SAHM for our 3 children, a caregiver to my family and a local volunteer.
DH earns as good wage and we have money left over each month. I do the school runs and the children have a wonderful routine; I can also help friends and family with any ad hoc support.
DH wants to “accelerate” our savings and wants me to contribute financially but once you factor in a cleaner, the additional stress to of working and arranging care, it hardly seems worth it. I’ll be making slightly above minimum wage.

You’ve showed you stretch out tasks to time you have and list chores as an extensive Set of tasks

I honestly have no idea what you mean!

That’s handy for you

Well, I guess your choice is to return to work now and build a solid financial future together or refuse and return to work later as a single parent if he truly gets fed up and leaves. And yes, I've seen that happen. More than once.

As others have said, SAH works when both partners want and support it. But when one of them doesn't, whether its the SAH who wants to return to work over a spouse's objection or the wage earner who wants the SAH to start contributing financially, things have to change or they'll simply fall apart.

The only 'hitch' is when the 'other partner' refuses to pick up their fair share of the home duties.

I'm a working parent of one, mostly I solo parent due to DHs ill health.
I also do 95% of household chores.
But I can totally see that parenting 3 DC and caring in other ways will take up alot of time and I also see the issues around childcare.

Figuring out how we are going work round school hours is giving me stress and we are still 2 years away.

So yes fine, get a job, but that means DH needs to take a share of household jobs, shopping and cleaning and sort out childcare out if school hours or when then are ill.

If I could afford to stop work, or at least reduce my hours, I would do it tomorrow.

I think your DH I'd feeling hard done by, but honestly I don't think he'd like the reality of having you out at work either.

Is it? Or just asking for clarification? It seems that you don’t want to accept that I want to run my household in a certain way which is time consuming. Whether you agree or not is your prerogative it’s not my place to say how you run your house. Calling it stretch out task what I consider regularly tasks (if it’s what you mean) that I did on a daily basis is how you see it - doesn’t mean everyone is the same

Why can't your husband take a few years off to stay around home doing the school run and supervising the cleaner while you're at work? Lazy mare.

So much bitterness on this thread - it’s horrible to read some of the comments here slagging off women who choose parenting and running a household. Such a race to the bottom, I find it really tragic and wonder what it says about society really when women who ´have to work AND do the rest’ are so bitter towards others’ who take different routes through. I think the anger is really misplaced and wonder if you really think doing it all =equality.

I just don't get people who think like you.

And I assume once she's back to "contributing" her DH will, of course, take on at least 50% of what @Missedp does for the family? Including drop offs/pick ups and covering sick days etc. Obviously.

you have a set time and you fill that with household task that you’ve extensively listed and stretched out. You self imposed a standard of cleanliness and schedule because you can. Because that time is available to you.
We also make lunches,cook,and clean fitted in around work. In the time that’s available to

Most of us are competent enough to runna household AND earn.

It depends on whether you discussed and agreed arrangements for income, childcare and household tasks before you had kids? Or did you not discuss it and your DH assumed you’d work with mat leave and you assumed you’d live off his earnings?

It’s best to be financially independent.

Why would you need a cleaner? Lots of people work full time and do their own household chores, including lone parents. I clean at weekends. It doesn’t take that long. If you’re in a couple where you both work, surely the most equitable arrangement is 50/50 housework and childcare, either doing it yourselves 50/50 or paying 50/50 or a mixture of the two.

Yes without Floridly described list and waffle about mental load

It does sound a bit like the sherry's been opened.
Proper punctuation would've helped.

@Mumtobabyhavoc Oh go then , go for that obvious passive aggressive put down
ask
are you on glue? Are you drunk

Of course! We all do! What I’m trying to explain to you is that I oppose to the term “stretched out” - for me these are essentials of running a household. All the items I have previously listed are for me essentials and not stretched out tasks. You disagree - and that’s fine.

Of course you object to stretch out task as it challenges the myth of sahm being an arduous slog
To Justify sahm you are compelled to over describe the tasks you do and time required
If you actually said you fit all the tasks in 2hr a day you’d be asked why don’t you get a job?

Honestly - I think you’re here just for the argument. You are not here to listen/read to different life perspectives and choices.
I have a job - if you had read my posts you would know that.
if you think it’s a myth than that’s fine. It’s not a myth in my experience and that’s all I can speak for. You seem to speak for all which in my perspective is never conducive to actually have an open dialogue or learn anything

It must depend on the job because I absolutely disagree!

Which is fine as long as he's willing to take on 50% of all household chores and admin and expects to start helping with childcare so that you both get equal amounts of time to yourselves after work and kids.
It's all well and good to expect you to work 'in school hours' but he'll need to factor in using his annual leave or paying for holiday clubs as you'll no longer be able to look after the children in school holidays. Minimum wage jobs are rarely flexible so he'll have to last minute take time off to cover child sickness/school closures etc.
If he still see's more value in you working once he's considered these factors then you'd best start job hunting.

You’re here disputing posts too, consistently maintaining your pov. Same as me.
I speak for me, I have not said that I speak for all or I’m a spokesperson or representative of mass opinion. That’s your pov and observation. naturally I disagree. Of course we both have subjective view as to the demands of sahm domestic chores. I’m not going to change my mind, I expect you'll not change your mind either. So you know what, you’re also here for the arguement, as evident by your posts to me. You’re not neutrally and Coolly put a pov, above arguing and all that

Agree. Feminism is about equality of the sexes: legal, political, financial, social. So, it means women having their own income, as well as men. Women having their own employment prospects, as well as men. And men doing an equal share of household tasks and childcare, as well as women.

Both parents should expect to care for childre: physically, emotionally and admin wise.

Colour me shocked to see the OP hasn’t been back to update this thread 🤣🤦🏽‍♀️

Yes, and financial contributions will need to be proportional as well lest he expect 50/50 split.