DH wants me to get a job

[Missedp]

My husband has been pressuring me to go back to work, however I am happy with our current arrangement: I am a SAHM for our 3 children, a caregiver to my family and a local volunteer.
DH earns as good wage and we have money left over each month. I do the school runs and the children have a wonderful routine; I can also help friends and family with any ad hoc support.
DH wants to “accelerate” our savings and wants me to contribute financially but once you factor in a cleaner, the additional stress to of working and arranging care, it hardly seems worth it. I’ll be making slightly above minimum wage.

Fair enough.
If he doesn't want to or cannot provide all the money then you should contribute. Of course you should. You aren't entitled to be financially provided for.

Of course, this means he has to do his fair share of all the things you 100% covered as a sahm so talk to him about which days he'll be doing the school run. How you will share days off for the kids being sick, how you'll take turns and share the load of all the home stuff, childcare, appointments and so on.

Because he surely won't be expecting you to carry on doing all you do and work outside the home too, right?

Why can't a woman stay home if she wants to care for children/home?
She can, if she can afford it, clearly OP's DH has been supportive of the situation for some time, things change when the children go to school.

Waiting another 10 years is a waste and potentially £100,000 in earnings/savings even on minium wage.

One of my earlier posts this thread, that SAHM is a job, has been laughed at. 🤷‍♀️ Do other women really think it's a picnic? 🤔

Feminism doesn’t advocate blindly support all women,because they’re women
I mean women legitimately comment when they feel men are grouping together got each other back,just because they are men.

No I won’t universally support a woman. That is not feminism

The Joy of mn is the strident views,the different opinions. If I wanted to be on supportive site I’d join the huns and babes on NetMums with their bubbas and sparkly posts

Agreed

Maybe if you got a job, by the time your children are grown, you will have accrued some further experience and won't be on minimum wage anymore, plus you might have some additional savings and pensions contributions so that you can enjoy your retirement, and not have to live that in potential poverty because you've only got one pension pot to draw on?

Or maybe he's just getting almost to the point of burnout and would love to be able to scale back a bit and also enjoy some additional time with his children while they're young?

I've been the sole provider. It's hard. It's really hard. Especially as the children get older and you see your partner having a significant amount of down time while you're feeling stressed with work and also like you've got no right to complain because "being a SAHP is even harder than working out of the home".

But the 'other adult' is more then happy for op to be the cleaner,.cook,.maid. taxi and so on for free..not every role in the home earns a wage but it certainly saves money when you're out paying others to do stuff for you.

Working mothers do most of the same thing weekly, cooking, cleaning, bathing, laundry, gardening, shopping, life administration, homework supervision.

Extra early school run/breakfast club.

They are aware running a home isn’t a picnic.

Housewife isn’t a job. it’s as hard and as arduous as you make it frankly
Don’t bother listing all the task,the life admin etc
what takes you all week, working parents fit in around working

Not advocating blind support, don't put words in my mouth. It's possible to balance strident views and different opinions with a bit of tolerance and 'live and let live', though, well it is for the mature among us anyway. But considering the last sentence of your post, I guess that concept might be a tough one to grasp... 🤷‍♀️

It makes me feel sad how utterly some women believe that once they have children, they don't have to behave like they are part of a partnership at all or consider their life partner so long as they get to make their own choice.

Is this just another phishing exercise for a newspaper article? They’re ten-a-penny here now. Notice how the OP hasn’t returned 13 pages in?

I think this is where I struggle. Sure it’s different with younger kids but SAHM with school age kids, I have no idea what they do extra to a working parent … yet they claim it’s all consuming?

Yeah been wondering this myself........

"Women shouldnt expect to be SAHM according to Mumsnet!!"

I beg to differ. Many of us do believe in supporting women in their choices as women be that as babes or anything else. It's along the lines of the misquote, I may detest what you say, but will fight til the death for you to say it. iyswim
There are many forms of feminism.
I don't belittle a woman for wanting to be a sahm and more than I'd criticize a women for choosing to work. They're choices we can make because of women before us.
Although, I would be interested in the reasons for either choice. 🤔

You know what,your parrotting a version of women just, be nice.dont be fighting now. It’s a controlling and deeply embedded societal way to control and diminish women.i will decide what I tolerate and let and let live about, it’s ok to have deeply held opinions that I won’t live and let live about.

Because its work creation.

Saying "I went on a couple of price comparison sites that had all our details saved, which took about half an hour, after bunging something the slow cooker. Then I farted about on SM and MN all afternoon" sounds less impressive than "I made a home cooked meal from scratch after sorting out the car and house insurance".

Sadly I think there are still people who believe that. I was at stay at home mom for a while… it was hard work. Going to work is equally hard work but it suits me best. It’s about finding what works for your family. Life is hard regardless - there’s no point in comparing what is harder because what I find harder will be different to another person.

I imagine quite a few wish they could spend more time with their children, tbf.

Yes, it absolutely is OK. That's the joy of freedom of speech. Pity you're so intent on not respecting other people's right to it by twisting their words/putting words in their mouths.

He is right and you are wrong.
It extremely selfish from you to expect your husband to support you financially just because.

Absolutely agree. On mn I read mundane easy tasks over described arduous and time consuming. Life admin? Managed and planned the expenditure and pocket monies, included the grocery planning. Added school, events to shared outlook,paid bills online , did a shop list for online groceries

Why would you need a cleaner?

Oh no! Am I fighting
Better be niiiiiice

Is he going to do a fair share of the cooking, cleaning, childcare etc? If so then he needs to be honest about how this is going to work with his job and free time. Does he have the time to do his share? Is he willing to give up some of the time he has at present to do it?

If he doesn’t have the time to do his share, is he going to pay for a cleaner / childminder / etc. to cover his share of tasks? If so, are you going to make enough money to make up for those additional costs and have enough leftover to meaningfully increase your savings?

The devil is in the detail so make sure he has really thought about these things and is prepared to do things fairly. If his idea is that you’ll return to work but still do all the house / child jobs you currently have responsibility for, he needs to be told to think again.