DH wants me to get a job

[Missedp]

My husband has been pressuring me to go back to work, however I am happy with our current arrangement: I am a SAHM for our 3 children, a caregiver to my family and a local volunteer.
DH earns as good wage and we have money left over each month. I do the school runs and the children have a wonderful routine; I can also help friends and family with any ad hoc support.
DH wants to “accelerate” our savings and wants me to contribute financially but once you factor in a cleaner, the additional stress to of working and arranging care, it hardly seems worth it. I’ll be making slightly above minimum wage.

So it’s a luxury.
Is one pension going to be enough to live on? Will the op have paid enough national insurance to get a state pension?
There is also the question of the future. It will be very hard to get back into work if you’ve been out of it for 15 years.

It’s always perplexing to read people post on here that they can’t work because they are raising their family and cleaning and cooking.

What do they think people who work do? Have their kids adopted, never cook and live in a tip.

Jeezus what a bitchy comment. Why must you spew such shite? Why belittle a sahm that is looking after her family?

90 hours? That’s nothing. I get up before I went to bed, work 26 hours down the pit, and come home and lick my house clean.

OP, stop being lazy - do your bit and get a job.

@Theoldholeyjumper

Yes, you have raised a very interesting point. However, if the Royal clan did some paid work, other than being on the Civil List, would their highly paid Protection officers have to follow them on their journeys to and from their place of work, and throughout their shift?
(Greetings from the Isle of Man)

OP and her DH should be able to manage household tasks between them.

Life mucked up my plans. No children of my own, but for several years I worked full time, did all the housework and cared for two disabled adults who needed an increasing amount of help/care as time went on. I did have carers coming in during the day to help with one of the adults whilst I was at work.

With two healthy adults, working and taking care of the children and home should be doable.

No, they work harder and longer, get up earlier, out source things like childcare, complain on mumsnet how exhausted they are. Most families can’t afford to choose not to have two earners and are run ragged trying to do it all. If you can afford for one parent to stay at home then both benefit from the work/life balance.

#TheRockI'mRockinIBought it.com
#IBuyMyOwnDiamondsAndIBuyMyOwRings.com
#The carI'mDrivingIBoughtIt.com

i was just getting started

I need to add - however - that the OP's caregiver duties need to be taken into consideration. If the OP is doing those on her own, will her husband take on more of the childcare?

He is sick of funding your cushy lifestyle and rightly so

Why I read this singing Independent woman? 🤣

This was my husband, so I got the job (two part time jobs actually) and he does nothing but moan if he has to do any kind of childcare for his own children. He apparently 'works harder than me, more hours than me and gets paid more than me' so is entitled to his downtime. I still do all the childcare/school runs/after school activities/housework/life admin. He's actually asked me to give one of my jobs up (the one he has to look after the kids for)

Queen B nails it as usual

This you are a grown adult so apply for jobs

And that's awesome for you. It is. 🤗
But sahm shouldn't be looked down on.
Different families, different life goals.

I know! So bitchy. I think the poster just needs some recognition. I bet they have a really important and impressive job, they want us all to know how we are inferior in comparison. I can't imagine trying to belittle working mums to make myself feel better.

Nor should tired tropes about working women being bitter and or jealous be regurgitated as if factual

Where does OP says she 'can't work'? People like OP who are fortunate enough to have well earning enough husband to be able to stay at home, don't want to work and ruin the happiness that they have.

But a conversation needs to be had, because it does sound like OP has obviously got plenty of free time on her hands courtesy of her husband being the main breadwinner, and her husband is obviously starting to feel resentful that she can has a level of freedom that he will never be able to have, which is causing an imbalance in the relationship, it needs addressing.

I don't see why she couldn't look at doing something to bring money in, even if it starts at a few hours a week, and see how the relationship and division of labour adjusts itself (this is the important part!), but refusing to even consider options is extremely insulting to her DH.

We should all be supporting and recognizing eachother for our work and sacrifices. Threads like this make me think there's no hope for the sisterhood. 😔

There is no such thing as sisterhood. That’s a made up concept to socially control and cajole women

How old are the children?

Please, please tell me you are giving the other one up, and keeping the one where he has to parent his children! 😈

Agreed!
I don't see those opinions here though?

You might but happy but he isn't and you both have a vote. I need more info to comment properly e.g. does he realise he will need to step up and do more if you go back to work? Was the agreement you would be a SAHM forever? Can you actually afford for you not to work?

The reality of modern life is that the overwhelming majority of men (>99%) cannot afford a SAHM. The expectation would be that all people who can work should work.