To think just don’t offer them beige food?

[Ashlll]

Or am I spectacularly uneducated here? My sister has a 3 year old who apparently will only eat beige food and mostly crisps. She says it’s a sensory thing and we have to respect it when around him, for example when I took him and dd out last week I had to give him quavers rather than the snacks I had got for dd… which then made dd want quavers too! Same with water, he won’t drink it and it has to be juice.

I am not massively strict but did say to dsis just don’t buy these things then he won’t know he can ask for them… she says he just won’t eat or drink. I think this is ridiculous (I’ve not said this to her). AIBU?!?

Yes, well, that's what my post was about. That it's NOT all one thing or the other. Also, we only have very limited information from the OP's scenario, so there's really nothing to argue about.

My son has ARFID. It’s a non-image based eating disorder. It’s fairly common in kids with autism.

when I say my son would not eat anything other than crinkle cut chips and bananas for 12 years. I mean that literally. When he was 12 a doctor told me to not feed him and he would ‘eat when he was hungry’. A week later he went on total food and fluid strike, he lost 8lbs (which when you are 5ft3 and and 5st you don’t have to lose) and ended up in hospital being sedated to put a drip in his arm and a tube up his nose to get nutrition into him. He didn’t eat solid food again for 4 years.

when a parent is telling you they won’t eat. Just believe them. It’s so isolating and upsetting and feeling judged and not believed by your own family is awful. I spent hours/days/months trying different ways to expand his diet and then people would call me lazy and a short parent for not being stricter with him. You have NO idea what it’s like and I hope you never do.

Yes I know, I was saying it was correct that there are kids who won't eat normal food like cheese or yoghurts.

DD was one such kid. She's an adult now and looking back I do wonder if she was/is autistic. Loads of stuff that at the time I didn't know were signs - would sit outside village hall parties as couldn't cope with the noise inside, walked on tiptoes, lining up of toys and obsessive playing routines, would get a "thing" and be obsessed with that for months.

I also am a bit odd with food - no sauces, no gravy cant have wet and dry food touching. Weird with textures so can't eat stuff like mashed potato.

I'm about to have steak and potatoes for dinner and will have them on separate plates. No veg as I can't really cope with veg - if I do eat it only raw, can't have cooked veg because of the texture. DD thinks I'm autistic as well! 😁

The thing is if the kid is neurodiverse they almost certainly won't eat, if the foods they deem safe, aren't there. My kids have been raised on cooking from scratch, whole foods, water and rarely snacking. Most of my kids who are neurodiverse do not struggle with food textures and tastes but one most definitely does. I realised pretty quickly that she'd rather starve than eat beef mince! Snacks aside, the important thing is that they do eat 🙂

You're right. She's being ridiculous and it's not fair to the child. I know I'll get ripped to shreds for saying this. Apparently it's not good parenting to give children a healthy diet.

Very similar situation to you. We have now 3 situations where we have been forced to deny safe foods on the basis that she will eat. At 3 she ended up with malnutrition / failure to thrive and the more we followed advice the more safe foods we lost. She did then got her ASD diagnosis. 2 years later another professional insisted on similar. More weight loss. Age 10. Same again. She’s now 11 and reliant on meal replacements for her nutrition. People don’t seem to realise these kids will happily just not eat.

That doctor. 🤬 I hope your son is doing better now.

I don’t think people should rip you to shreds, I think they should just ignore your obviously attention seeking and ignorant views.

My son would genuinely starve rather than eat a wide range of foods. He’s ASD and is almost entirely limited to beige. He had choking issues as a baby - also relatively common in ASD. DD, who is younger, eats almost everything even though she sees DS eating beige. I was picky as a child but have largely outgrown it. I cook most things from scratch and it pains me every time to hand him beige. It’s not from want of trying.

Dm thought if I was hungry I'd eat.

Several days later she admitted that I won.

I'd still win.

I think what people struggle to understand is how you get to a stage where all a very small child will eat is nuggets and crisps. I was by no means a restrictive mother when it came to the kids' food and yes they had nuggets and chips and crisps and stuff, but only occasionally when they were 2 or 3. They ate what we ate and we never did the "kids food" and "adults food". If you don't have quavers in the house, they don't know quavers exist.

I do get that some children have additional needs which means they have problems with textures or foods, but children are not weaned at 6 months refusing all food but nuggets and quavers.

I have a 16 year old who would genuine starve before he ate any food with colour. You’re being unreasonable in your assumption.

Oh Emu, that’s awful. I’m so sorry for both of you.

I do get that some children have additional needs which means they have problems with textures or foods, but children are not weaned at 6 months refusing all food but nuggets and quavers.

Many children with ASD will actually eat a relatively normal diet until they get to about 2-3 years of age, then they slowly refuse foods until they only eat one or two things, or, in extreme cases, nothing at all.

I'm definitely not ignorant about diet and my comment is no more attention seeking than any other. However, thanks for the (unwanted) attention.

No and at 6 months old I had the Anabel Karmel weaning book and cooked all of dd's weaning food as I didn't even want her to have jars. I was doing a variety of flavours, different veg, textures when age appropriate. I have no idea how I ended up with dd only eating chips but it wasn't by weaning her on crap.

This is exactly what happened with DS, not helped by associating food with choking issues during weaning. When I say choking, he wasn’t gagging, it was silent and he’d go purple, several times a week. I have grey hairs. The consultant said he’d outgrow it and thank goodness he did, at about 18 months.

I wouldn't rip you to shreds because I'd wager what you've described is far more common than a small child's finicky eating warranting a medical diagnosis. Especially if the only foods the child will eat all happen to be fatty, salty or sugary junk foods. :)

Quavers have salt and mono sodium glutamate and juice has sugars. Would your nephew like unsalted / sweetened beige food like plain popcorn that you could also give your daughter?

It's exactly what happened with me. There are loads of photos of me as a young toddler eating all sorts of things - it's not like my parents weaned me onto McDonald's and milky buttons, lol.

DS is not limited to junk foods, just beige. He’ll reject junk food, sweets and cakes with just as much vehemence if they’re not right for some reason.

I'm the same - there are plenty of popular "beige" foods I won't touch, just as there are plenty of "healthy" foods I will touch. It's all about texture to me.

This!

My kids are both autistic and only eat certain foods...

So so many people over the years have said they will eat when they are hungry....

They don't and all that happens is we have to deal with kids that are hangry and due to their sensory issues this is magnified.

They often did eat the occasional other thing with other people but this was because they actually didn't feel safe with them and were masking massively and would then melt/shut down for days afterwards.

It's really hard to watch your kids not eat and not to enjoy meals with them like other families do. It's so important not to make parents feel even worse by not validating their experience.

I know you have posted to understand and that's fabulous, please do understand and recognise and validate her experience.

So pedantic🙄

Can you point out where in this thread anyone has said that it's not good parenting to feed your child a healthy diet?