To think just don’t offer them beige food?

[Ashlll]

Or am I spectacularly uneducated here? My sister has a 3 year old who apparently will only eat beige food and mostly crisps. She says it’s a sensory thing and we have to respect it when around him, for example when I took him and dd out last week I had to give him quavers rather than the snacks I had got for dd… which then made dd want quavers too! Same with water, he won’t drink it and it has to be juice.

I am not massively strict but did say to dsis just don’t buy these things then he won’t know he can ask for them… she says he just won’t eat or drink. I think this is ridiculous (I’ve not said this to her). AIBU?!?

Gosh, that must be very limiting and difficult. What happens if you eat / try to eat a non safe food? Does it make you feel sick, or can you literally not swallow it? Are you trying to reintroduce the foods that were previously safe first of all?

Hope you don't mind my curiosity.

My brother refused to eat anything as a little kid. My mum considered it a good day if she got two fishfingers into him. He'd also drink weak, sweet tea but that was about it.

Not neurodiverse, has grown into a very normal adult who eats anything! Mum is a fabulous cook and neither my sister or I were remotely fussy about food, so no idea where this came from. But no point having endless, painful food battles.

I’ve never had remotely ‘fussy’ children but my nearest and dearest friends plus some relatives do. I think there are some things you can do to help. But a lot of it is just luck. I try not to be judgemental and don’t assume there is some quick fix. My friends are great parents and I’m sure if there was a way to increase their diet choices, they would. So I just support them and follow their lead.

And some children are just really fussy without any SEN issues to explain it. DD1 will try anything and is a really adventurous eater, DD2 ate everything until about 2, then became more and more fussy despite me offering so many foods. I refuse to serve the 'beige' she would prefer so she picks through every meal, refuses any sauces etc. I has brought me to the edge of reason tbh and I can see why people give in and just let them have whatever they want. It is exhausting to deal with at every single meal. We are finally (age 7) making some small steps towards eating a fully balanced diet again.

My DD6 has a very restricted beige diet due to her ASD. She’s tiny for a 6 year old and underweight. Her dietitian has advised continuing to give her all of her limited safe-foods in unlimited quantities to ensure she gets as many calories and nutrition we can get into her, she is also prescribed calorie shakes on top of this to try and build her up. If she was not provided with her safe-foods she would literally starve.

On the other hand DD3 who is neurotypical eats a great variety of foods.

All children really are different and what works for your child doesn’t mean it would work for others. Please bear this in mind in future when you think it’s just as simple as not offering beige foods.

Can you supply any evidence of this

These would be the same experts that believe children can change sex?

I was (still am) a very fussy eater.
The foods I like best are fairly bland, mostly dry and usually very processed - mainly particular brands of convenience foods because they are familiar, and predictable in taste and texture. When I was a kid my mother always accommodated it. If I went to someone else’s house for example and they gave me something I couldn’t eat (always in my head it is things I can and can’t eat, not will/ won’t or do/ don’t) I was too embarrassed to say so I would try force it down if it was something I wasn’t too averse to but if it was something I really couldn’t bear I would pretend to eat it and desperately try to hide it or something. If I tried to eat something like with a white sauce I will just keep gagging and eventually throw up. Still to this day I’m the same.
I have had times when I have been at my best mh wise etc and managed to expand what I can eat and other times when it has got so bad I have become malnourished (when I was a teenager and just after I left home that happened).
It is very stressful worrying about going out for meals or to other people’s homes or on holidays and whether I will be able to eat the food. I usually carry stuff like dry crackers and yogurt drinks, fruit and bars of chocolate in case I can’t and I get too hungry.
I honestly can’t explain why I’m like this but if I could change I would. If my mother hadn’t accommodated it I would probably just eat far fewer things to be honest. my dad could never remember which things I could and couldn’t eat and he didn’t cook things right. I often ended up crying and refusing to eat what he cooked. I didn’t trust him, like if he had cooked something separately for me and I asked him to promise my food hadn’t touched the other food, I just didn’t believe him like I did with my mam. I have OCD and I assume that it is all to do with that.

Yes DS was later diagnosed as autistic and having ARFID

i can’t even disguise change of brand foods. He’s sensitive to smells and taste and he knows. To try it risks losing one of the few foods he deems safe to eat. Changes in recipes is a big issue as well.

He has always been difficult with food. Breast fed till 2 and difficult to wean from breast. We did BLW and he was offered everything we ate and more. My older children never had issues with food. I remember the last meal he ever touched and it definitely be something I’ll always remember.

Because all kids have potatoes, meat and bread in their diet presumably - even those who feed their children exotic diets will have fed them bland (or what is described here as beige) foods at some point.

What happens is that these children refuse all other foods and when you are eating a meal and they only eat potatoes then you start feeding them more potatoes products because they refuse all other foods, the same with meat/bread etc..

DC1 was an incredibly varied eater - ate absolutely everything you put in front of them. DC2 wouldn't eat anything, literally refuse to eat and drink so we tried again and again with more varied foods but they have an aversion to strong smells and taste so we were advised to go bland and build up from there. Still not managed to get further than the bland stage nor persuade them to eat veg and fruit despite trying to hide it in everything (every trick you can think of I've done) so unless you want my child to starve bland it is. They do have vitamins and smoothies to ensure they are getting enough nutrients.

It’s quite common for children with ARFID and/or autism to not feel hunger so they don’t actually feel like they’re starving themselves.

I’m always amazed that the most vocal people on these topics are the most uneducated about them.

My brother was born in 1974 and had what would now be diagnosed as ARFID. He literally wouldn’t eat most things despite being hungry and was very small and thin. Perhaps if there had been junk food available he would have got enough calories and would have grown properly.
He was the youngest of 3, my older brother and I ate everything. Doubtless some people on this thread would blame my mum 🙄
It’s not a new thing.

My ASD child has ARFID and a very beige diet. Believe me it has not been for want of trying. Only recently he tried pesto on pasta. That was a massive breakthrough. He’s 14. It’s frustrating and you worry about their long term health. I have a very varied and vegetable full diet. My son will eat peas if I’m lucky. It’s better not to be judgemental but perhaps help support her on this difficult journey.

It's not as simple as not offering beige food. My DS (long ago) would only eat cottage cheese and crisps despite being offered a wide variety of food at every meal and for snacks. One particular woman in my friendship circle kept telling me these items were not very nutritious, as if I did not know. I was worried despite my doctor telling me not to worry (and my dentist pointing out that at least it wasn't sweets), and this woman's comments just made me feel worse - a bad, thoughtless, stupid mother. Have a little empathy for your sis-in-law, she's stuggling with a fussy eater - and if your DD has the odd bag of quavers along with her cousin it really isn't the end of the world.

I think AFRID is very different thing to being fussy etc. ds ate very little, was not fussy as such but not really interested in food. He was under the hospital due to this. His weight was low. We did not give him beige food and he never had nuggets etc but just every day food like pasta, roast, chicken and fish and I bulked his bits out in calories as much as I could. He is now a very tall and fit 18 who eats a wide range of foods but still hates feeling full. I think we as parents do the best we can and seeing your child not eat and lose weight is really hard so you do what you think is best at the time.

My nephew went through a phase like this and his parents are very keen on and well educated about nutrition. They would desperately try to hide as many vegetables as possible in pasta sauces and smoothies.

I think the thing with parenting is it only makes you an expert on your own children, not parenting children in general.

Do your children never have pasta or mash or bread? Al beige foods that are fairly standard in peoples homes. What would you do if your child would only eat the plain pasta, no sauce, refused anything else you put in front of them. Would you leave them to go hungry or give them the plain pasta?

Why would you assume she's wrong and you know better?

Yet my 86 year old Dad and his mum, my late grandmother, both have/had ARFID. My Dad is very probably ASD and has had very disordered eating his entire life.

This. DH would have been diagnosed as would his youngest brother. They eat well as adults. Did mean that I had an understanding rather than ignorantly critical MIL when DD1 was given an ARFID diagnosis. DD2 has always eaten well, it's not always about parenting. DD1 would rather not eat than eat a food outside her safe group.
Always LOTS of ignorant comments on a thread like this sadly.

I agree, but you may have ended up giving your child nuggets etc if he hadn’t have eaten things like pasta, chicken and fish. You were just fortunate that your child would eat those things and you didn’t have to use more processed foods.

I have two children, both I have parented the same or similar.
One will drink water, one won't drink unless its with squash.
One eats pasta and hates potato, will not eat them.
The other won't eat pasta and loves potato.
One won't eat rice, the other won't eat noodles.
One will eat all the fruits, only two types of veg.
The other eats all the veg, only one type of fruit.
One won't eat paprika but will eat basil
The other eats basil but not paprika
I could go on.
They both eat burgers, chicken nuggets, pizzas and chips.
Sometimes i try and make them eat and try the things they dont like but then they wont eat it.

Oh if only it were so easy.

Anyone who knows me can vouch that I am the ultimate anti-beige mum. I have been on the no UPF train for years and years, 99% of everything we eat is 100% home made, and I was VERY big on vegetables during weaning.

One of my children is a fabulous eater. If they were my only child, I would be so very smug and self-righteous.

Luckily, or unluckily perhaps, my other child keeps me grounded. Despite eating absolutely everything during weaning and the early toddler months, he became ultra fussy just before his second birthday. Now 3 and an half, still the same. Even things that any self-respecting beige child would eat, he turns his nose up at - chips for example!! My only recourse has been to hide vegetables in literally everything we eat. Additional needs are suspected but it’s in no way certain for him. His paediatrician didn’t seem to think he was fussy to the extent that would necessarily be indicative of something like ASD for example, he said it sounded enough like normal toddler fussiness that he wasn’t taking it into consideration at this stage.

A tip I’ve found useful you could pass onto your sister - see if her child will accept homemade bean burgers. Put the mix in the food processor before baking/frying so it’s basically texture-less. You can hide all kinds of veg and goodness in there. Then as he starts to feel comfortable with the bean burgers and accept them, you can very gradually process them less and less so they get more and more texture. It’s worked really well for my son, but I appreciate it won’t work for everyone.

Yep. Have a look at Paediatric feeding disorder, or feeding disorder of early infancy. It's not new, but some doctors think it's more "common" as more children are surviving early infancy and actually getting to the stage where they rely on solid foods to survive, as opposed to dying in infancy.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feeding_disorder

https://courses.lumenlearning.com/atd-herkimer-abnormalpsych/chapter/feeding-disorder-of-infancy-or-early-childhood-307-59/

https://www.mdpi.com/2624-5647/5/1/8

If the child has no SN, there is little excuse for faddy diets.
If they have never tried it, they won't want it. We don't have freezer food at home. The kids have tried it at parties etc but know better than to expect it at home.