To think just don’t offer them beige food?

[Ashlll]

Or am I spectacularly uneducated here? My sister has a 3 year old who apparently will only eat beige food and mostly crisps. She says it’s a sensory thing and we have to respect it when around him, for example when I took him and dd out last week I had to give him quavers rather than the snacks I had got for dd… which then made dd want quavers too! Same with water, he won’t drink it and it has to be juice.

I am not massively strict but did say to dsis just don’t buy these things then he won’t know he can ask for them… she says he just won’t eat or drink. I think this is ridiculous (I’ve not said this to her). AIBU?!?

If your child simply isn't eating, you'll try anything.

There have always been children who refused food. Except they just...died. Because there was nothing else to offer them.

@Ashlll this was never going to go well! Clearly there are children who have genuine issues with food. There are also an awful lot of kids who have theyr parents just where they want them. Ds1 wanted Jam sandwiches for lunch and sausage chips and beans for dinner every day for about 3 years. He "didn't like" anything else. Except he did, he'd just prefer Jam/sausages. I have no doubt that had I given in to it, he'd be a bloody nightmare to feed now. Instead he had his faves on Fridays. And eats a whole variety of foods. Still asks for McDonald's 4 times a week...

I agree with you OP, with the usual disclaimer about Arfid etc thrown in.

The predictable thing could well be true with my dd. she knows if we get different brands of food and although she is fantastic with fruit, one bad blackberry is enough to put her off. I never though of it like this before.

So you're more of an expert than the paediatricians, doctors, dietitians and therapist who specialize in eating or feeding disorders.

OK! Nice to know we have such experts among us.

Some kids are like this and it’s now too late to take that stuff away as he won’t eat anything then!

When he’s with you just let him eat what he wants and let your child have the same crisps etc if it’s a one off!

I let my child have beige stuff but if sausage rolls they’re home made and we don’t have white bread. I also ensure he has veg and fruit.

My sister was a kid in the 80s. Definitely had ARFID. Just didn't have a name. Our parents were 'you're not leaving the table until you've eaten it' types so she would just sit and cry. At one point she would only eat peeled cucumber.

She would definitely have starved herself. Not because she'd rather eat something else, but because texture was so important to her. I vividly remember mum forcing her to eat something once and holding her mouth shut so she couldn't spit it out, and my sister was sick and it came out of her nose.

I need you to know my parents weren't great. But Mum never did that again.

In the end, they realised she would eat some blended food, so they blended everything for her. I expect quavers would have worked for her, because they are a consistent texture. Cheap processed nuggets too, again because the texture is predictable. Predictability is really important for all kids, but especially kids with ARFID. As she got older, she'd eat Richmond sausages but not 'proper' sausages. A plain scone, but not a fruit scone.

Things existed when we were younger.

If I offered DS2 a plate of good varied food, he'd eat the bit he liked, (mostly potaoes, bread or pasta) so he wasn't starving, but he wasn't eating enough to thrive.

I'm sure if he was actually staving to death he might have eaten what he was given but I'd guess (hope) social services would have intervened before that stage.

Good eaters, like good sleepers, are only partly due to good parenting, a lot of it is just down to the individual child.

My own kids are good eaters. My brother's kids are extremely picky. My kids have always been much better sleepers too. There is honestly nothing my brother and his wife have done or not done, that I can see, to lead to this situation.They don't give their kids lots of sugar or processed food either, so their kids' beige food choices are stuff like tiny amounts of dry locally produced artisan bread 😂. It is just luck really.

@Ashlll

you are obviously someone with zero experience of a child with food issues

your sister has already explained it’s a sensory issue.

don’t be a dick and get yourself educated

When they refuse everything else you try everything including chicken nuggets

My youngest child was weaned on fresh foods loved his vegetables and gravy pasta and vegetables somewhere around two he stopped no more pasta no more sauces it coincides with him starting nursery and they served plain food no sauces no gravy he stopped eating virtually everything he will eat some sandwiches plain pasta grated cheese (not together) occasionally plain chicken pizza fish fingers and thin chips that's about it I've tried for ten years to expand it he eats brioche for breakfast rarely cereal

It's not like he doesn't try he asks for food and he will look at it maybe try it and reject it he is old enough now to know he is different he just can't change

I would say Quavers are beige-ish.
It can be difficult to know if a child has ARFID and will ONLY eat beige bland food or if the parents have only ever fed them bland beige food because they can’t/won’t cook anything else. The parents have only may also only like beige food. If ARFID is often coincided with ND then quite often it is likely a parent will be affected by AFRID too.

Please tell me you see the irony of saying to her sister "just don't give him that" then in the same breath bemoaning the fact that as a consequence your little one wanted quavers too!

Take your own advice if its so easy?

Can anyone actually be so ignorant and lacking in thinking skills? Do you think it’s maybe possible that parents have tried to feed healthy foods and that they then start trying more and more foods, any and all foods, in desperation for their children to eat. Sometimes the safe foods will be healthy foods, sometimes not. Safe foods often become safe because they are the same every single time. Something like an apple can taste very different on each try, whereas a packet of quavers or a Birds Eye chicken nugget are the same on each try. Something like a change in recipe or even a change of packaging can mean the child doesn’t eat even their safe food. FFS, try thinking and listening.

My ds would and has refused to point he was admitted to hospital. We have had to be tube fed at times because of his weight lost.

we took some really bad advice from a professional when he was 3 and that was our end result.

if I even attempt to add a food he doesn’t seem safe to him it’s contaminated and he can’t eat it. To try and force it would only create more trauma around food.

I was the youngest child in a family of ‘normal’ eaters,I was given the same average family foods as everyone else had, my mum cooked from scratch and there was always veg etc with meals yet I was the one who wouldn’t eat a single one of those meals, I literally wouldn’t eat for days and days at a time and after years of this going on and trying everything from bribery to punishment my mum got desperate and tried me on different less healthy things so that. I was actually eating something .
Back then (the 80’s) it was just labelled as fussy eating but I suspect now it would be called ARFID, I lived off plain pasta and grated cheese for years, they had to be in separate bowls. It was a safe and reliable meal for me. Occasionally I would be adventurous and eat a cheese omelette, I wouldn’t eat at lunchtime in school because the smell of school dinners made me want to throw up (on a couple of occasions I actually did) and even on packed lunches you had to be in the school hall and see and smell it.
It wasn’t something I could control or wanted. I actually hated it, hated anyone commenting on what I was or wasn’t eating, hated going to friends houses for dinner etc.

I can totally see how parents in this situation will give their child anything just so they will actually eat because while crisps or plain pasta might be ideal, not eating for days on end is also unhealthy and detrimental for a growing child.

I also brought my daughter up on super healthy home cooked from scratch food (she ate everything!) and then at age 3 she just started dropping them all. 2 1/2 is no age and an issue with food can just happen out of nowhere and not be the result of feeding kids "crap" 😏I'm under no illusion that some parents do bring their very young children up on rubbish and that's what the children go on to expect but this is not the case with most parents as I would give my right arm for my daughter to eat normally.

As an autistic person (we are renowned for food issues), I've found that less variable fruits/veg are good for kids with beige food addiction. I.e. a carrot will always be a crunchy carrot, while an apple or grape can vary much more in terms of texture. The reliability of the beige food is the important thing. Maybe that's a way to approach it - more reliable-yet-'healthy' foods in his diet (eg oat cakes, carrots, raw green beans).

YABVU

Your nephew needs access to his safe foods - first priority is always calories in.

Taking them away removes trust and makes it more likely that the range of foods eaten will reduce further.

Most dieticians and HVs advise allowing access to safe foods and always putting out something you know they will eat alongside new foods to explore with minimal pressure. Don’t mix them altogether as you risk ruining the safe food and making it unsafe.

You are in the wrong here Op.

If I even attempt to add a food he doesn’t seem safe to him it’s contaminated and he can’t eat it

Massive sympathy on that one.

Even the hospital dietitian struggled with the concept of not being able to "hide extra cream and protein in smoothies and mashed potato", for a child who (a) never ate anything of that texture and (b) never ate a food again if it tasted suspiciously different. I have a feeling it somehow resembles OCD (which he also has).

There's also some hyper sensitivity going on. He could tell different kinds of apple apart on a blind test at nursery, and red pepper from orange pepper. Other kids there couldn't distinguish apple from potato blindfold.

My DD ate everthing I gave her up to about 2 and a half, then started getting picky. She started saying she didn't like thinks you used to eat, so I stopped making them a main part of her meals, but I think it became a bit of a control thing with her.

I was OK with cutting mushrooms and tomatoes, as I thougth that was a texture thing, but when she told me she didn't like carrots anymore I told her that was crazy, carrots were sweet and lovely, and just continued serving them, and we all continued to eat them.

I think parents can be too quick to restrict foods, and to replace them with beige foods. My DD never had chicken nuggets, so didn't know they were an option to say shepards pie. The option to shepards pie when she was 3 would have been something like a cheese sandwich, with chopped up peppers and on the side.

I know that there are some kids with autism who have serious issues around food, but I don't think that can account for all the kids with diets based on chicken nuggets and oven chips.

But why does he prefer beige food? Because you or someone else gave it to him? He wouldn’t know about it unless you gave it to him.

My son has gone off plenty of foods as well, it’s part of the process and very common with toddlers. As an example he used to love sweet potatoes, now he won’t eat one. That doesn’t mean I now only give beige food. It means I try something else until I find something he likes or disguise certain vegetables in sauces if he won’t eat them whole.

Kids are fussy, they all go through that stage. I am a very fussy eater myself, always have been and it’s not nice to have to analyse a restaurant menu before going out to check there is something plain to eat. I try everything I can to not put my issues with food onto my son and so far it’s worked for me.

I appreciate all children are different and I’m not judging anyone for doing what they think is best for their kids. I just have a hard time trying to understand how a child will refuse to eat anything other than beige food if they don’t know it exists.

How splendid. Well done you. He’s 2 and a half. You’ve cracked perfect parenting haven’t you.

my DS ate beautiful home cooked foods until he was 4. That’s when he started refusing things.

I was just as smug and ignorant as you till then.

disguise certain vegetables in sauces if he won’t eat them whole.

Bwahahahahaaa to that one!

Some young kids eat a variety of foods, some won’t (despite being offered them). You just happen to be lucky your toddler does. Unless there is a drip feed that her child is overweight and only gets offered junky foods then YABU.

It can be tough as a parent to see your child refusing many foods (especially if they are underweight) - but so long as they are getting some healthier foods in their diet too it’s no big deal at that age imo. My toddler basically lives on a limited diet of fish fingers, scampi, cheesy pasta, peas, baked beans, ketchup/mayonnaise (to get him to eat the peas), apples, oranges and bread and butter.

He wont even eat basics like potatoes, most meats and fruits, carrots, tomatoes etc let alone most green veg. He even turns down stuff like chips, pizza or burgers. Such is life with a 3 year old.