To think just don’t offer them beige food?

[Ashlll]

Or am I spectacularly uneducated here? My sister has a 3 year old who apparently will only eat beige food and mostly crisps. She says it’s a sensory thing and we have to respect it when around him, for example when I took him and dd out last week I had to give him quavers rather than the snacks I had got for dd… which then made dd want quavers too! Same with water, he won’t drink it and it has to be juice.

I am not massively strict but did say to dsis just don’t buy these things then he won’t know he can ask for them… she says he just won’t eat or drink. I think this is ridiculous (I’ve not said this to her). AIBU?!?

I’m with you OP - very few children have the sensory issues people attest they do, my nephew only eats chocolate brioche for breakfast. My kids don’t eat chocolate brioche for breakfast because they’ve never been offered it. There’s varying degrees of crap and crisps just have zero nutritional value. If my son really objects to dinner he gets some peanut butter on toast. They only eat crap if it’s an option.

My relative has ASD and sensory issues and when McD’s was closed during Covid he adjusted pretty quick - he apparently HAD to go everyday otherwise he’d starve. He also went back to it the moment it opened when really he had gone cold turkey and would have benefitted from keeping off it!

I’m sure your sister has thought of that!

Some children really won’t eat rather than eat something they don’t like. My ds was like that.

He did improve but he’s autistic and does have sensory issues so I’ve never made food an issue.

He has a variety of foods but it’s still very repetitive. He’s an elite athlete too.

What I don’t get is people not being able to think this through for themselves and realising how this happens. Failing that, if you really can’t work it out, at least read the thread and learn before posting this shit.

Unless you can produce evidence, from a reliable source, that the scenario the OP has described more likely stems from a medical diagnosis than the child just being finicky and overly catered to, then you're the one who is ignorant- and quite ill mannered. The other poster was not speaking directly to you, nor did she call you any names.

I see that you are not being rude that you genuinely don't understand so it's with kindness that I beg you to please not say things like this to your DSis. Please read up on ARFID, it's really not as simple as well don't offer it, people who have this will literally end up in hospital rather than eat only what's offered if it isn't on their safe list. It's a very complex disorder and takes a long time and a lot of patience to understand and help expand their diet. Both my children have it to a degree and thankfully my DD has over the years gotten brave enough to try new foods and my DS doesn't have as restricted a range and is also slowly improving.

It's so so hard to parent a child with ARFID and it's really not well known, for your DSis and her DC sake I beg you again to research it and be there as support and to educate others as she will already be having a tough time without the ignorance and judgement you've (inadvertently i know) shown.

Take ALL pressure away from mealtimes and food in general, offer new foods one at a time (you can mix it up rather than only offer potatoes until they try it and then move on to pasta for example but don't offer potatoes and pasta as two new foods together) and know that you can offer the same new food item 15+ times (minimum unless you get lucky) before it's touched with a finger, then 15 times before it's sniffed, 15 times before it's licked, 15 times before a bite....the 15 is a VERY rough guide it could be less it could be way more but the important thing is, it's no big deal, it's offered and if refused no biggie just leave it sitting out for a while within reach and then try again at a different mealtime/snack time.

Massive praise for every each tiny step (touch, sniff, etc) but without making it a big deal (yeah I know contradiction right!) Don't offer a reward for trying or attach ANY sort of rewards regarding food, with a no biggie attitude, a LOT of patience, you can help someone with ARFID expand their safe list of food and in the meantime if they eat the same thing every day at least they are eating.

If you get lucky they will have at least one item from each food group on their list, if not look into what vitamins may need to be offered as a replacement whilst you work with them to know other foods are safe.

You can also help by eating a range of food yourself around DC, comment on it casually (remember no biggie) about the taste, texture, do you like it, not like it, what similar foods taste the same? A casual comment here and there, not every time, maybe once twice a day not meal might seem to be ignored but DC are sponges and they will absorb the information even if they don't show a response to it, you can say it to another person or directly to them "how's your potato DH? Mines really soft" "how does insert safe food item here taste DC?" "Oh really this food tastes similar" don't offer the similar food or maybe you'll like it comment just drop the info in a no biggie way and move the conversation onto something else.

Seeing their peers especially can help, so in nursery if all the children are eating chicken for example then DC will see oh well it must be safe as all 20/25 of my classmates ate it and weren't sick...it can improve with age.

Sorry I didn't mean for this to be an essay @Ashlll it's just slightly triggering for me as none of my family or friends had ever heard of it either and I got a lot of ignorant comments until I educated others on the condition. Please apologise to your DSis and she will understand it was ignorance in the good way not the bad way and she will appreciate your support as its bloody hard when all you want to do is beg your DC to eat

I have a child that has quite literally never eaten a piece of fruit and a child that will eat almost anything. I’m guess that’s not down to my parenting.

And they’re not experiencing significant weightloss at 6 months with mothers saying they won’t eat anything but nuggets.

The OP clearly stated that she did NOT say anything to her sister. Nor did she even state an opinion about it. She asked a question. Also, you have no way of knowing what the actual issue is in the scenario the OP described. Speaking of "ignorant," finicky eating among toddlers IS also a thing, you know and likely far more common than anything that comes with a medical diagnosis. Calm down FFS.

lol. The poster said the OPs sister was being ridiculous without knowing the full circumstances, She then went on to pretend that people were saying that it’s not good parenting to give children a healthy diet when no one was saying anything like that. Her post was attention seeking and ignorant. HTH.

Has your sister said it’s Airfid.
As 3 is a difficult age re food it might not be along term issue.
Hoping your sister ventures to find out and not give up on a more varied diet. Due to potential Long term health issues

Oh if only it were that easy.
You do realise that most children get to about 2 and a half before the fussiness kicks in?
If you want to believe your superior parenting is the reason your daughter is a good eater, crack on. But it really isn't.

I also wonder what would happen if junk food was never introduced.

In the case of ARFID, children end up in hospital on feeding tubes.

Or better still read the science on this issue.

I didn’t say AFRID doesn’t exist - I said very few have the issues parents attest.

For every child who has genuine struggles there are many more whose parents are happy to feed UPF for ease and convenience. The data supports that too - the amount of our food bill going on processed food has altered drastically over the last few decades - that rise is not equal to the rise in diagnoses of AFRID etc.

Doctors tell you to try beige foods lest your kid ends up in hospital.

Not in this thread, so I'm sorry if that was misleading. I'd recently been on another thread about children's diets and you wouldn't believe how many people defended feeding crap to children. I guess I'm still riled up from that.

It end up with a kid like mine who will only eat potatoes, cream crackers and bread sticks. Literally nothing else apart from prescribed meal replacement shakes. Which for a period of time were fed via the nose.

Well @SnoozingFox I'll tell you how it was with my child who has ARFID who has never eaten a chicken nugget in her life. Exclusively breast fed until six months and then offered veg etc to introduce solid foods. Every single thing was spat out or met with a firmly closed mouth. If she inadvertently swallowed something (very rare) she would sick it straight back up. Breast milk was the only thing she would eat until 12 months when she stated to eat plain bread sticks and smooth yogurt. This continued until she was 18 months. Health visitor was useless and had no idea what to suggest. DD went from being a 98th centile baby to an 8th centile toddler. We had a fabulous NHS dietitian who we saw from 18 months until DD was 18 years old and an initial assessment with someone who specialised with children with behavioural eating issues. We only saw the behavioural specialist once as both she and dietitian said it wasn't a behavioural issue so there was no point going to the behavioural eating support groups. I knew it wasn't behavioural because in my professional role I'd worked with children with behavioural issues over food and I was bloody determined that DD's problems were not going to have a behavioural layer too. DD is not on the autistic spectrum so we didn't experience the reduction in tolerated food. Dietitian said it was a good thing that I was still breastfeeding her at eighteen months as that had kept her healthy and I should continue to breastfeed for as long as she and I wanted to. She grew into a bright, healthy and energetic child and teenager who was always very thin despite the fortini nutritional drinks she had to have every single day including on holidays abroad. Now she's at university and still has a very restricted diet, though better than it was, which is incredibly hard socially for her. And I was judged time and time again as a bad mother for DD's restricted diet.
DD2 weaned in the same way and ate incredibly well.
It's a hard path to tread when you have a child who won't eat and made harder by judgement from the many people who haven't been down it and are blessed with children who eat well and who don't want to listen to others experiences.

That's actually crap.

I never heard of ARFID until I read about it here. I have always been what was called a "fussy eater". I wasn't fed rubbish because my mother cooked from scratch. For example, I still can't bring myself to eat green veg and in my early 60s I am hardly likely to start!

OP stated she said 'just don't buy those foods' and that her DSis advised its sensory so whilst yes you are correct I don't know the exact situation, maybe the child is a spoilt fusspot who's mam indulges him, I'm replying on the info I've been given in OPs posts, what she said to her DSis is ignorant if the DC has ARFID or similar and OP has asked to be educated so I'm offering her my experience in the hope it helps.

In my experience people post on mumsnet for advice which is what I have given, if it turns out the DC is just fussy and this advice is not relevant then no harm no foul, the OP knows more about the situation than I do and is best placed to make a judgement on whether to ignore what I've written as not relevant but there are 10 pages of posts so far so if what I've written helps just one PP then I consider the time I've spent posting to have been well worth it. I haven't RTFT to see if you have posted anything other than the response directly to me but can you also sit and say the time you've taken on this post could hopefully be helpful or can you sit and say I was a troll who tried to put somebody down who was trying to pass on a potentially relevant experience and offer advice?

Come back to pages of posts that I haven’t yet read!

Just wanted to clarify that I didn’t mean for my OP to sound judgemental. I am genuinely trying to understand how these things come about!

I did too with DD and then I had DS and I understood then.

Only eating beige food can be a sensory issue. A child that suffers with this needs to know that their food is always going to be the same. A blueberry can be soft, hard, mushy, sour, sweet etc. a cracker is always a cracker.