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Original poster

Friend asked dh for 2 year loan

631 replies

ParsnipPuree · 25/04/2025 12:19

Dh’s closest friend broke down to dh and told him he’s in trouble. Owes £25k to a friend who now needs it back. Dh offered to help on the basis it’s payed back in instalments every month for up to 2 years.

I am friends with his wife who is oblivious. Her dh won’t confide in her. She doesn’t know there’s a problem so will carry on as normal. I don’t think she’s a big spender but that’s not the point. They had a week away shortly before her dh and mine had this conversation.

Im angry because if there was a medical situation they couldn’t cover, that would be one thing but they’re obviously living beyond their means. Dh is taking the money out his company so it doesn’t affect me. If my friend knew she’d be mortified.

OP posts:
Aguinnessplease · 25/04/2025 13:23

It’s kind of your DH to offer, but let’s face it, the friend is only putting off the day of reckoning. He needs to face up to his financial problems, firstly by telling his wife and then working through things. Your husband won’t be paid back. Not a chance.

Brefugee · 25/04/2025 13:23

you need to put a stop to this now.
And your DH needs to tell his friend that there will be no money and that he should tell his wife, it affects her life too.

In your shoes, OP? i'd be disentangling any financial commitments with partner, maybe consider something legal to make it very clear and final (i guess that means divorce?)

StrongasSixpence · 25/04/2025 13:24

Not a chance I would be condoning this. I would also 100% tell his wife and check the story of the sudden repayment with the other friend. This is business and you can't be too trusting.

Outrageistheopiateofthemasses · 25/04/2025 13:25

ParsnipPuree · 25/04/2025 13:11

Thank you all. No I am NOT comfortable with it at all. The bottom line is think is that his family have a lifestyle they can’t really afford.. maybe his salary varies and hasn’t been good this year. Wife doesn’t work and they go on quite a few holidays a year. It’s not her I blame it’s him!!! She’ll never know I knew unless I tell her. He’s never asked dh for a penny before.

Yeah....you really, really should tell her

Hdjdb42 · 25/04/2025 13:25

He is never going to repay it. If he can't afford his lifestyle now, then how is he going to afford to maintain it and repay a huge loan?! It's never going to be repaid. I'd tell husband not to do it. They'll end up falling out.

JadeSeahorse · 25/04/2025 13:26

To pay back in 2 years means monthly installments in excess of £1000.

Does your DH seriously believe this family have a spare £1k every month to pay him?

I'd feel physically sick at the thought of my DH being taken for a financial fool.

Please please ensure your DH gets something in writing at the very least so he has some legal fallback should the repayment not materialise in full.

nightmarepickle2025 · 25/04/2025 13:26

I’d make telling his wife a condition of the loan.

Profhilodisaster · 25/04/2025 13:27

This friend seems a bit low on morals , borrowing money he can't afford to pay back and lying to his wife. I don't believe for one minute he's borrowed the money from another friend . If he had borrowed it and been making payments then the amount should be less than the original £25k loan that he's now asking your husband for.

RainbowsMoonbeams · 25/04/2025 13:29

He can’t afford to pay the friend back, so you won’t see the money again either I’m afraid 😧

Floralhousecoat · 25/04/2025 13:32

ParsnipPuree · 25/04/2025 13:11

Thank you all. No I am NOT comfortable with it at all. The bottom line is think is that his family have a lifestyle they can’t really afford.. maybe his salary varies and hasn’t been good this year. Wife doesn’t work and they go on quite a few holidays a year. It’s not her I blame it’s him!!! She’ll never know I knew unless I tell her. He’s never asked dh for a penny before.

So basically you and your idiot husband will be subsidising their holidays

Bollihobs · 25/04/2025 13:32

ParsnipPuree · 25/04/2025 13:07

He says he agreed with the previous friend to pay back in instalments which he was doing, but this friend needed the money back pronto.

Show quote history

No, no, no, you, and your DH only have his BF's version of this, much more likely is the "pay back instalments" had dried up and the friend realised he wasn't going to get the money back unless he forced the issue - which he's done and now your DH is going to be the one with the problem instead. I wouldn't even trust the friend who's wanting his money back to give a true version - he just wants his money back!

I sincerely hope you can get your DH to see this as it really is. Show him this thread maybe? Good luck.

GirlWhatHaveYouDoneYoureAPinkPonyGirl · 25/04/2025 13:32

If he’s in finance why can’t he get a bank loan?

Feelingmuchbetter · 25/04/2025 13:33

I would say to your dh in order to SAVE his friendship he needs to not do this. It’s too much money to lose. Dh’s friend will have other options, like his parents, siblings. It’s way too much to ask of a friend, even a close one. It’s okay to say no. It could be argued that he is a better friend as a result, because the shit will hit the fan and at least they will can still be friends.

Anon517 · 25/04/2025 13:33

My mums BF’s husband did similar to this (not in such a high quantity) and it turned out he had done the same to several friends. Needless to say they are no longer together, nobody got their money back and to make matters worse she lost her house as he had tried to sort stuff out using the house. I’d be telling my friend but I’d say goodbye to the friendship. Sadly my mum no longer has her bf after doing the same.

JackieDaytonaLuckyBrews · 25/04/2025 13:35

Absolutely not.
I'd guarantee you won't get the money back. Maybe a few hundred here and there, but you will never see that 25 grand repaid.
You are not getting the full story from the friend. I'd go as far as saying he's totally bullshitting your DH. I think he's not been paying the person he owes at all and has been threatened with court. Thus the rush to get the money ASAP.

outerspacepotato · 25/04/2025 13:38

If your husband "loans" his friend the money, he's dumb. Money from his business, he may as well get dumbass tattooed on his forehead.

Does he not get the risks of commingling business and personal finances? Is he the sole owner/operator? Does he understand the financial risks here? I don't know about the UK, but he would be opening himself to a lot of liability and has tax implications. So much that I would legally separate before he did this.

The guy owes money to a "friend" and just took a trip and can't get a bank loan. Wife not working.

Come. On. Now.

Swiftie1878 · 25/04/2025 13:38

ParsnipPuree · 25/04/2025 12:19

Dh’s closest friend broke down to dh and told him he’s in trouble. Owes £25k to a friend who now needs it back. Dh offered to help on the basis it’s payed back in instalments every month for up to 2 years.

I am friends with his wife who is oblivious. Her dh won’t confide in her. She doesn’t know there’s a problem so will carry on as normal. I don’t think she’s a big spender but that’s not the point. They had a week away shortly before her dh and mine had this conversation.

Im angry because if there was a medical situation they couldn’t cover, that would be one thing but they’re obviously living beyond their means. Dh is taking the money out his company so it doesn’t affect me. If my friend knew she’d be mortified.

It’s his money, so difficult for you to say much, but I would advise him that he should only lend money he can afford to lose/not get back.
This friend has already proved he has failed to manage his finances to pay back the original loan from a different friend. Your DH should be prepared to lose this £25k, or not lend it.

sandyhappypeople · 25/04/2025 13:41

ParsnipPuree · 25/04/2025 12:27

We have a blended family with adult children. If he does this for a friend, that gives carte blanch for their spouses to rack up huge debts and turn to us cap in hand. I can’t live like that and it will not have a positive effect on our marriage that’s for sure.

That gives carte blanch for their spouses to rack up huge debts.

You saying his wife is spending it all when she has no idea bout the debt is ridiculous, I'd say this is gambling, credit card debt or HIS debt somehow which is why his wife is completely unaware of it.

HMW19061 · 25/04/2025 13:42

I’d only agree to lend it IF he told the wife about it. She needs to know and the holidays need to stop until it’s paid back, the only way that would happen is if she knew why the holidays (and other luxuries) were stopping. If he was planning on paying it back in 2 years then he’s planning to pay back over £1000 per month so he must be an higher earner so I’d also be suspicious about how he’s got into this debt in the first place.

MeridianB · 25/04/2025 13:43

It's so telling that he wants to borrow from one friend to repay another - and suggests that the previous repayments were not in line with friend one's expectations. And he must have borrowed a ton if £25k remains.

This plus the huge amount, the secrecy and the wife's spendy habits make this a horribly risky thing to do.

Your DH would be a fool to lend any money. If this guy has a steady job in finance and a comfortable lifestyle then he should get a proper loan. DH should start by suggesting this. I suspect the answer would be he has poor credit history or is already tapped out on loans - both of which should prevent your DH from lending to him!

Bollihobs · 25/04/2025 13:44

Just to add, everything, literally everything about this screams No.

If the friend is in finance he would know, even if it was a high interest rate, somewhere legit to borrow the money. If he genuinely needs that amount of money he's in so much trouble financially that there is simply no way he could be paying your DH £1000 a month to clear the debt in two years - if your DH has his own company he's clearly not stupid and must be at least basically financially literate, ask him where the £1000 pay back amount is coming from if friend needed to borrow £25k from previous friend......

Hoppinggreen · 25/04/2025 13:44

It would be stupid enough to agree to it IF your DH had £25k just lying around doing nothing but to take it out of his business to lend it is just nuts.
It will be treated as if your DH has takeen it as salary/dividends and could even tip him into DLA territory which could cost him thousands in tax.

ChimneyPot · 25/04/2025 13:44

I think this is a really bad idea.
I worked for years in a not for profit helping people in debt and secret informal debt is never a good sign.

Has your DH even spoken to the other friend who is looking for the other loan back to confirm the story?

If your DH is determined to go ahead with this I would tell the wife.

neverbeenskiing · 25/04/2025 13:45

OP this could be so, so much worse than your DH's friend is admitting to him, or even to himself.

Let's think about this logically. A man who works in Finance but has resorted to borrowing £25k from a friend has clearly got himself into dire financial straits. The fact that he hasn't been able to obtain a loan from his Bank strongly suggests that he has other debts, and not just to his mates. If he's hitting up friends for loans he and his his wife clearly have no savings, unbeknownst to her I'm willing to bet! His wife doesn't work, he's the sole breadwinner and he's skint but has continued to take his family on holidays. This suggests a deep level of denial about the seriousness of his situation.

His wife needs to know. For all you know, her home could be at risk. Provision for her children's future education and her old age, which she may be going through life merrily believing is all sorted, could actually be non-existent. Practicalities aside, she has a right to know and as her friend, it could be argued that you have a moral obligation to tell her. In my view, concealing serious debt from your spouse is in the same league as concealing an affair. It's a betrayal of trust and it's cowardly. It means that you cease to be a team, and instead it becomes about one person risking everything you've built together while the other is kept in the dark.

In your shoes, I would tell DH that his friend has now made us both complicit in his lies to his wife and I'm not having that on my conscience. Then I would tell her.

Profhilodisaster · 25/04/2025 13:45

If he originally borrowed £25k and had been making payments, why does he need to borrow £25k to pay it back? Surely the amount would be less but it's not because he hasn't been paying it back or he's lied and there never was the original loan.