Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend asked dh for 2 year loan

631 replies

ParsnipPuree · 25/04/2025 12:19

Dh’s closest friend broke down to dh and told him he’s in trouble. Owes £25k to a friend who now needs it back. Dh offered to help on the basis it’s payed back in instalments every month for up to 2 years.

I am friends with his wife who is oblivious. Her dh won’t confide in her. She doesn’t know there’s a problem so will carry on as normal. I don’t think she’s a big spender but that’s not the point. They had a week away shortly before her dh and mine had this conversation.

Im angry because if there was a medical situation they couldn’t cover, that would be one thing but they’re obviously living beyond their means. Dh is taking the money out his company so it doesn’t affect me. If my friend knew she’d be mortified.

OP posts:
thepariscrimefiles · 25/04/2025 14:11

ParsnipPuree · 25/04/2025 13:11

Thank you all. No I am NOT comfortable with it at all. The bottom line is think is that his family have a lifestyle they can’t really afford.. maybe his salary varies and hasn’t been good this year. Wife doesn’t work and they go on quite a few holidays a year. It’s not her I blame it’s him!!! She’ll never know I knew unless I tell her. He’s never asked dh for a penny before.

He only hasn't asked your DH for a penny before because he was asking other people. So if he is paying it back over 2 years, that will be over £1000 per month. Can he afford that if they keep up their lifestyle of her not working and numerous holidays a year? Your friend will be telling you all about these holidays and you will be sitting there seething. You DH is being very foolish.

LittleBigHead · 25/04/2025 14:11

Your DH is very unlikely to get the money back. It would have been kinder to have helped his friend get some financial counselling and advice.

And your DH's friend's wife needs to get a job.

LovePeriodProperty · 25/04/2025 14:12

I’m not sure I could keep this quiet from a friend.
Its a lot of money and she needs to know imo.

Ask yourself OP if your dh was borrowing £25k off of them would you like your friend to be open with you about that?

Winter2020 · 25/04/2025 14:12

ParsnipPuree · 25/04/2025 13:11

Thank you all. No I am NOT comfortable with it at all. The bottom line is think is that his family have a lifestyle they can’t really afford.. maybe his salary varies and hasn’t been good this year. Wife doesn’t work and they go on quite a few holidays a year. It’s not her I blame it’s him!!! She’ll never know I knew unless I tell her. He’s never asked dh for a penny before.

She needs to know so she can choose to get a job or cut the family’s spending.

Her husband is playing the big man and taking the family on holiday with other people’s money and she has no idea.

viques · 25/04/2025 14:14

Has your DH had a chat with the other sucker who listened to the sob story and lent £25,000? I bet the same promises were made about paying the money back within two years, paying interest etc etc etc. But those promises were broken as soon as they were made otherwise the spendthrift friend wouldn’t be begging for another loan now.

Tell his wife OP, she needs to know. And tell your DH that if he lends one single penny then you will be reconsidering your relationship, and locking him in the shed on a diet of bread and water.

neverbeenskiing · 25/04/2025 14:14

Another thought, OP, as your DH is his best friend, why didn't he come to him in the first place? Does your DH actually know the identity of the friend his best friend is claiming to owe £25k to, or is there a chance this person is fictional? Because it's hard to imagine someone who is financially comfortable enough that he has a spare £25k suddenly saying "sorry, I know I said it was fine to pay me back that £25k over 12 months but on second thoughts I need it all back NOW". Either this whole story is bullshit, or your DH's friend couldn't make the repayments and so his other friend has gotten pissed off. If he did make repayments then why does he need £25k still, he must have borrowed even more than that.

The more I think about this the more I think it has disaster written all over it.

Purplesy · 25/04/2025 14:15

Honestly OP this is not the time to hold back.
Spell out to your husband that you will not be keeping this to yourself.
He is not a bank.
Does he want your relationship to suffer?
Because it will.

I couldn't be with a soft touch.

Winter2020 · 25/04/2025 14:16

Strangeworldtoday · 25/04/2025 13:19

My DH has a wealthy friend who does personal loans as a side business to people he knows. He adds interest and creates an email based contract. We've borrowed money in this basis previously. If you need to change terms, extend the loan or reduce payments, take a payment break etc then its a conversation the same as with any other lender and terms change, interest is added etc He expects the money back and its all very clear as to what the agreement is.
I think it's ok to lend, but properly, with interest (less than a bank if preferable) and payment terms, penalties clear and with contract. Just a willy nilly handing over of 25 grand, then expect not to have it paid back

Surely unless he has a licence to do this he is an illegal money lender aka loan shark?

pikkumyy77 · 25/04/2025 14:16

ParsnipPuree · 25/04/2025 12:32

And no there’s no gambling/drug problem. They have quite a few kids so it’s easy to spend money.

You don’t know that. All you know is that “mr finance bro buddy” is so bad at finance that he already borrowed 25 thousand from some other fool, at no interest, and didn't pay it back. what us the plan this time if ladt time’s plan obviously didn’t work?

TheHallouminati · 25/04/2025 14:16

I mean a financial advisor is in a position of power over others people's finances. Who's to say he hasn't dipped into a client's pot and needs to pay it back to cover it up quickly?!
The whole situation is so so risky. What if there's money laundering going on?

TheZippyBlueCat · 25/04/2025 14:17

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Channellingsophistication · 25/04/2025 14:17

It would be a big mistake to lend this money.

Clearly the friend has got into a desperate situation if they now need to borrow from one friend to pay back another. So clearly a history of borrowing money...

it's very kind your DH wants to help but it would be a massive mistake to lend it in my opinion

Amba1998 · 25/04/2025 14:20

DoYouReally · 25/04/2025 12:40

Your DH is bring extremely foolish.

Firstly, he needs to take to his accountant about doing this is the most tax efficient way and ensuring it's properly taxed and accounted for. A smart accountant will tell him he's daft but can't stop him.

If he still insists, he should have friend sign a properly documented loan agreement.

I used to work in debt recovery. I estimate about 25% of people get into difficulty through no fault of their own - job lodes, bereavement, illness etc.

The remainder do so because of stupidity, bad choices and overspending. They don't change and repeat the same patterns continuously.

Mainstream banks want to lend money. It's how they make money. If they won't let to his friend, there's a damn good reason.

IME, it's the decent genuine people and helpful (albeit naive) friends and family that get stung. They are the people who will help clear debt, make up arrears and have signed guarantees.

I would bet everything on your husband never receiving a penny. He is just replacing the poor idiot who lent the first time and will require another idiot to take out his loan if the friend can find one.

There's lots of other ways to help, pointing him to stepchange, helping with loan application, helping with budgeting etc.

The only way he should five his fridnd this money is if he considers it a gift and it's gone. The probability of getting is back is so low.

Agree with this.

your husband can’t just decide to loan money from his company. It’s not his money. It’s the company’s money. He needs professional advice before he gets himself in shit for trying to get his friend out of shit. Disaster written all over it

FunMustard · 25/04/2025 14:20

They must have a fair bit of disposable income if he can pay your husband back over £1000 a month and have his wife not know!

jsy44 · 25/04/2025 14:22

Send him to CAB for advice. He's clearly not fit to work in finance himself.

diddl · 25/04/2025 14:23

I mean call me cynical but

He says he agreed with the previous friend to pay back in instalments which he was doing, but this friend needed the money back pronto.😂😂

Why is that your husband's problem?

How has it ever got to 25k?

Well if your husband is happy to never see the money again...

Enrichetta · 25/04/2025 14:23

No I am NOT comfortable with it at all.

What is actually stopping you from putting your foot down and tell him this is not happening, @ParsnipPuree ?

Grow a backbone, for goodness sake!

Summerseagull · 25/04/2025 14:24

I would never agree to that

Never lend money you can't afford to loose

Profhilodisaster · 25/04/2025 14:25

AthWat · 25/04/2025 14:00

Is he giving the money directly to the other friend that apparently needs paying back?

No, you say?

How strange, it's almost as if he's not going to use the money to pay the other friend back at all.

Very good point

BlackWhiteCircle · 25/04/2025 14:26

Is he really going to be able to pay back a grand a month? Over 2 years? Without his wife knowing? Of course he needs the money, his friend he borrowed money off isn’t being paid back and has threatened to tell his wife if he doesn’t get it back.

Original poster
ParsnipPuree · 25/04/2025 14:26

The irony is this guy is in finance himself. The reason I stated the amount in my op was otherwise people might think it was a couple of hundred quid. I genuinely don’t believe it’s gambling, it’s living beyond their means which is easy with 4 kids.

I’ve told dh if he defaults on one payment and my friend tells me they’re going away, I’m telling her. It also pisses me off that he asked dh not to tell me, which is lying to his wife.

And it pisses me off even more that he hasn’t been clear to me about the tax implications. The sum is a small part of a sum in the company that we were going to use for an investment flat. Dh always said he’d be taxed on it if took it out.. but funny no mention of tax on this!! He must think I’m an idiot.. which I am.

Believe it or not he is no fool, which most of you will not believe.. and I don’t blame you. He just has an incredibly kind heart, he’s a giver, and he couldn’t stand seeing his bestie break down in tears. Both dh and I own equal shares in the company but it’s morally his as I don’t work. That’s why even though I want to, it’s not for me to say he can’t ‘lend’ it.

I’ve taken on all your comments which are totally justified and I’m going to speak to him again.

OP posts:
123EndOfRope67 · 25/04/2025 14:27

My parents had a friend exactly like that. They helped him out loads for years. Turned out he had a gambling addiction AND a mistress. The friendship went sour and my parents never saw most of the money back (initially he did pay back but he came for more loans etc).

When the wife found out, a mix of anger about being kept in the dark and embarrassment meant she barely spoke to my mum anymore.

Summerseagull · 25/04/2025 14:28

Op
You say no
And mean it
You will never see that money again
It will be one sob story after another

ForeverDelayedEpiphany · 25/04/2025 14:28

Nope, no, nah, definitely not.

I won't try to say 'no' in any other way. 😆

Just NO.

Pessismistic · 25/04/2025 14:29

ParsnipPuree · 25/04/2025 13:11

Thank you all. No I am NOT comfortable with it at all. The bottom line is think is that his family have a lifestyle they can’t really afford.. maybe his salary varies and hasn’t been good this year. Wife doesn’t work and they go on quite a few holidays a year. It’s not her I blame it’s him!!! She’ll never know I knew unless I tell her. He’s never asked dh for a penny before.

Have you thought he might need this money because of his wife. If there going on holidays and they have that much debt something isn’t right. If he’s too scared to tell her ask yourself why? And like someone else said if it comes out eventually she will blow up at you for not telling her. What if something happened to him and he couldn’t work what then? It might be your dh company but he will essentially pay tax on this then if he doesn’t get paid he’s losing even more money your dh would be best saying I would lend it based on your wife knowing so if anything happens to you it’s her debt. Sorry to be harsh but why should you bail him out. How’s he going to change they are obviously living beyond their means.