Friend asked dh for 2 year loan

[ParsnipPuree]

Dh’s closest friend broke down to dh and told him he’s in trouble. Owes £25k to a friend who now needs it back. Dh offered to help on the basis it’s payed back in instalments every month for up to 2 years.

I am friends with his wife who is oblivious. Her dh won’t confide in her. She doesn’t know there’s a problem so will carry on as normal. I don’t think she’s a big spender but that’s not the point. They had a week away shortly before her dh and mine had this conversation.

Im angry because if there was a medical situation they couldn’t cover, that would be one thing but they’re obviously living beyond their means. Dh is taking the money out his company so it doesn’t affect me. If my friend knew she’d be mortified.

Is enabling him that should read.

Only if his fried is a loan shark, I’ve never come across a loan to a friend that incorporates late payment penalties and compound interest.

This is not always the case. This might sound strange to some but I have no idea what our disposable income is. I don’t ever see a bill, dh has always dealt with everything. He doesn’t keep anything hidden, I trust him implicitly, he’s never kept anything from me and The one time he thought we may have to reduce our outgoings he told me straight away. My friend probably doesn’t have a clue of the finances either.

What the actual fuck… 😱

How can you even sleep at night?

All this is completely insane…

Gosh! That’s incredible. What would happen if you were widowed and you had to take over the finances? How would you know where to start? This would make me deeply uncomfortable. But it explains why your DP doesn’t feel the need to get your agreement on such a potentially catastrophic financial move. I’d seriously consider stepping down as a director of the company, however, as you will be held accountable in law for any mismanagement, although you are powerless in reality. At the very least bone up on governance and director’s responsibilities. The IoD should be able to help you.

TBF, I have no idea what our bills are either. My DH takes care of it all. All gas, electric, water, council tax, car payment, school fees ... im in charge of food bills/shopping, internet, my own car stuff and petrol. If he died I'd have to step up but we are comfortable enough to be OK.

I don’t think the DH is intending to take the money out of the company i think that’s to soften the blow with his DW. It just doesn’t make any sense to from the company perspective. They can afford & have not been repaid sums larger than this before with a family member. There is a boys club element where they will keep eachothers secrets & DH may likely know what the money is truly for if he knows his friend well (personality, gambling, sex, drugs) & be not sharing with DW. If sex or another woman or child is involved as well friend has a vested interest in DH lying to OP about the reasons. And he cld leverage info on the DH (past or or sent) to ensure he complies & maintains loyalty to the boys club.

I think OP being advised by the information on this forum is asking questions that DH wasn’t expecting such as the implications of borrowing from the company, bcos it’s not her field of expertise. Did you hear his accountant on loudspeaker say they were no tax implications for eg or is that what DH told you he said?

Don’t you ever check your bank balance?

I don’t understand how you cant have more of a clue about this. If you don’t know what your income is, how do you know what you can spend. Where you can go on holiday etc?!

This is as worrying as the loan situation. My husband has Alzheimer’s and even though that has crept along I have had to pick up all the life admin he used to do once I realised he wasn’t able to. He was about to renew an insurance policy just because he couldn’t face doing a comparison to check if we could get it cheaper.

I was able to do that and the rest of the admin because I was aware of all of our financial circumstances; details of insurances, bank and credit accounts, savings, etc. I had the ‘luxury’ of taking over the reins over time but what would you do if, heaven forbid, your husband was suddenly unable to deal with things ?

Trust is fine but ignorance is not bliss.

I heard his accountant on loudspeaker. And no dh did not prep him as he was called as soon as I asked the question.

You’re right.. I wouldn’t know what to do. That’s the downside of having a dh who does everything. I would get help from my adult ds probably or someone else on the family.

Get The accountant to put it all in writing

*In the family

Dh doesn’t have a fixed income. We have a joint account which replenishes automatically from another account so the balance is usually the same. This is not the point of the thread though..

I’m impressed with the vivid imaginations of some on this thread! No gambling, no women.. he adores his wife and is (mistakenly) trying to protect her. Perhaps he’s worried she’ll
leave him without the lifestyle they shared.. I very much doubt it as I know her.. but there’s that.

OP - you are so right. Husband had major health issue, while the NHS kept him alive, after care non - existent….200 k later on rehabilitation (and counting). I wish the service was available!!!!

Actually OP, it is partly the point of the thread. You are uncomfortable with your husband lending/giving his friend a substantial amount of money. If you want to have any basis for discussion with your husband you need to be in possession of as many of the facts as possible.
You can't get facts from his friend but I would suggest you need to be in possession of the facts of your financial situation with your husband. You are married and your and his finances are irrevocably intertwined, including your Directorship of 'his' / your joint company.

I’m sorry but you can’t possibly know that. Even you stating that as fact makes you incredibly niave

I may not pay the bills but am aware of our financial situation.. there are no secrets, I just don’t deal with the day to day. He even books the holidays. I have been married to dh for almost 20 years and there has never once been an instant where he has been dishonest or tried to deny me information.

It ties in though doesn’t it. There is no way my husband would dream of giving away 25k of our money. And I’d be well aware if he did! But yours doesn’t seem bothered about it or sharing details of money in general with you. Maybe it’s easier because then he can do stuff like this.

If you don’t know how much disposable income you have how can you begin to even plan things in life. Day to day stuff but holidays, mortgages and sorting out your pension etc? Maybe this other wife is also totally naive of their income. I mean she has no idea her husband is thousands in debt….Maybe she never checks accounts too.

Unfortunately Op you have none of the knowledge but you still have the responsibility.
Its not unusual for one party in a marriage to look after finances, I do it and DH has no idea what most things cost but he DOES have easy access to all of our accounts if he wants to see
However, you don't seem to understand that if you are a Company Director there are some things you really MUST know, understand and do or there can be sever consequences for you, not just your H, you.

Your DH values friendships over money, but he may lose the friendship anyway. Friend might start feeling v awkward about not repaying and avoid you both.

Unfortunately I'm sure your DH's friend's wife also believes the same. What makes you think you are really any different? You've already said you think if you intervene your DH may simply not tell you next time.

And who’s to say your dh (if you have one) isn’t being dishonest to you or having an affair? The only person you truly know is yourself. In my case, as I’ve stated, my dh has never given me reason to doubt him. Ever. So you’ll just have to take my word for it.

He should be giving you reason now, I have a nagging suspicion that the friend has something on your husband.
They won't be friends as soon as the repayments stop anyway.