Friend asked dh for 2 year loan

[ParsnipPuree]

Dh’s closest friend broke down to dh and told him he’s in trouble. Owes £25k to a friend who now needs it back. Dh offered to help on the basis it’s payed back in instalments every month for up to 2 years.

I am friends with his wife who is oblivious. Her dh won’t confide in her. She doesn’t know there’s a problem so will carry on as normal. I don’t think she’s a big spender but that’s not the point. They had a week away shortly before her dh and mine had this conversation.

Im angry because if there was a medical situation they couldn’t cover, that would be one thing but they’re obviously living beyond their means. Dh is taking the money out his company so it doesn’t affect me. If my friend knew she’d be mortified.

It may sound like it to you, but the only thing you are correct about is that he’s a people pleaser. He actually doesn’t care what others think about him as long as he feels he’s doing the right thing, and he gets nothing himself from it.. just a giver, there are people like that albeit few and far between.

This is such a bad idea. Absolutely certain that your DH will become the ‘friends’ lender who needs the money back because none has been paid back as agreed.

just.dont.do.it. Why would you ?

I’m not a bitch so no I won’t be doing that. Not now anyway. I’m going to give him the chance to pay it back within a year. I accept why posters are dubious this will happen. Personally i would have said no but dh earns it and it’s his friend so his choice. He’s not giving it from money we use to live on so even if he lost it nothing would really happen apart from us being devastated at friend’s behaviour and me telling his wife.

There's alot I don't understand about your approach OP.

You say your DH is a people-pleaser, yet also that he doesn't care what others think of him. A people-pleaser is someone who is motivated by other's opinions of them to act a particular way. He can't be both a people pleaser and someone who has little care or consideration for how others view him.

You also say that you are fed up of people taking advantage of him. And yes, I fully appreciate that this friend is making poor financial choices and has put your DH in a difficult position by asking him for a loan, the responsibility for how your DH responds lies entirely and solely with your DH.

Finally, I don't understand why you're saying 'well it's coming out of the business so it won't affect me personally'. But if that business if your livelihood then surely it will affect the business if he doesn't get that £25k back? I actually don't think it's at all kind to lend that amount of money to a friend who clearly has money management troubles and without a plan you're positive he can stick to - it seems that the friendship being blown apart by debt (which it will be) is a price you're (or your DH is) willing to pay to not have to have difficult conversations or put boundaries in place that could protect your friend from further financial difficulties.

Your title says 2 year loan, but you keep saying he has to pay it back within a year. Finding £2k a month for repayment will be extremely difficult, and goodness knows how he'll hide that from his wife. Shouldn't be too long before he defaults.

I hope your DH has the sense to tell this friend it's a one off, and he's not to come begging to him again in the future. How will this affect your relationship if it's not paid back? You said you both had plans for the money.

He should absolutely not do this. I think it's grim that you are carrying this burden and the wife is oblivious. This man is selfish and irresponsible to put his friends in this difficult position.

Contact your friend, tell her that her husband wants this money that you can’t afford to give and ask her to stop her husband asking for a loan..

Really weird that you see this as bitchy. Why are you all protecting the wife? She needs to know what her husband is.

This is absolutely not the right thing for your DH to be doing. Two men going behind his wife's back and her completely oblivious. You are enabling it. I should imagine if you were actually earning yourself, £25k would feel like a bit more to lose and you may be less blasé.

You do know though that lending him the money won't be the end of it.
If it's lifestyle debts, then they will continue as their lifestyle is unlikely to change unless he tells his wife.

Can a Limited Company Lend Money to an Individual? Find Out If You Can Borrow Money

So it looks like according to this a LTD Company can in fact just lend money to a random person, which I did not know
However the consequences of non repayment as quite serious and could in extreme cases lead to prosecution for the Directors (one of which is OP).
There are also tax implications for The company.

None of this makes sense.
£25K is a large sum to lend without security.
A repayment of approx £2k a month to meet OPs 12 month deadline, or even £1k approx a month to meet DH's 2 year deadline - is still a big chunk out of the monthly income of someone who cannot make ends meet and has run up a debt of £25k.
Add to that the tax implications/lost interest - your DH would actually be taking far more than £25k out of his business.

I get that he wants to be a good Samaritan and help a friend in need, but from your posts, and forgive me if I haven't understood you correctly, it sounds like DH wants to skip the formalities and hand Friend a cheque for £25k and say cash it.
I know OP has mentioned getting contracts drawn up etc... Could you make it a condition that if DH wants to do this, he gets proper professional advice, so all the calculations and implications are clear and not just guestimates. OP and the DH are sweating their way through this, but at what point will the Friend be providing proper information and looking at his finances to see if he actually Needs a loan so large it has to come out of company funds, or if he can restructure his finances with something smaller. That seems like a better way forward with this Friend.. I'm thinking of the "give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, teach him to fish etc" (sorry to go all biblical - one of those days)

This entire scenario is very very unfair to the poor man's wife and I don't understand why either OP or her DH would agree to not telling her and enable the Friend to keep her in the dark. It's a ticking time bomb.

I’ve also told him the minute he defaults and they go away, that’s when I’m telling her

That's quite interesting, @ParsnipPuree; before it was you'd tell his wife if he defaulted on a payment, only now "and they go away" has been added

Why not just say you've no intention of ever telling her - especially as, if the possibility of you doing so comes to light, the "friend" will certainly start up again with the threats of suicide?

And to hell with his friends wife and children and the lie they clearly are living.

When this goes tits up and this mess becomes widely known.

Don't be one bit surprised if people disagree with the flattering narrative you surround your husband with.

This is about him being Billy Big Bollix and feeding his ego.

It will be seen as such too.
That poor wife.

We assume the asker has run up debts. The cynic in me thinks embezzlement since he works in finance. Won't be the first person dipping in the funds.Or he has a habit that someone wants the money due. Hopefully in a years time the OP will say it's all settled now.

I wonder if OP’s DH was in this debate he might be saying something like ‘I/we can afford it, I/we know the risks, however this is a friend in need and it is the right thing to do.’
On this day of the funeral of a Pope who truly embodied Christian values perhaps we could imagine OPs DH as non-judgemental and giving, as she has described him.

If he can so easily afford it then why is his company (not him) lending it?

Dh may not be Christian but he is most certainly non judgmental and giving. This is an anonymous forum and I have no reason not to describe him as he is.

@ParsnipPuree you and I have very different marriages. If my husband did this, I would be contemplating divorce.

Neither one of us would risk this kind of money without the permission of the spouse, regardless of which account the money came from. Marriage is a business partnership in addition to everything else it entails.

I can’t help laughing at your post because you couldn’t be more wrong. Perhaps you’re basing your assumptions on your life experience of people wanting recognition for kind acts, but dh doesn’t have an ego.

Everyone has an ego, they just feed it in different ways. It isn’t a purely altruistic act if it affects other people. He will be getting something out of this, even if it’s not healthy. You posted on here asking for people’s opinions, pretty much everyone has expressed concern. You’ve then bent over backwards to defend and explain your husband’s offer, dressing it up as “kind”. If you’re not bothered then fine, it’s your life.

I have read all of your posts, I think, and several others. A PP mentioned that maybe it would be a good idea for your DH to give the money directly to who it is owed to and not just hand it over to his friend.

Seriously? The pope was part of the systemic cover up of child abuse and didn’t want to take action to deal with abusers.

So less of the the white washing please.

Most people who work in finance don't have the ability to take money from the bank account though without anyone spotting it and then be able to give it back also without being spotted

The mundane is usually the situation and a non working wife, 4 children and holidays are reason enough to get into debt

I don’t think it’s a good thing to be dangling the threat of telling his wife if he misses payments. His wife will be annoyed, but I think she’d be even more annoyed in six months’ time that you’d gone ahead with the loan and this threat and then told her, rather than telling her at the beginning when she’d be able to be involved in the decision. Either do or don’t.