Receiving child maintenance once child has gone to university ?

[Bernie54]

Hi, can I ask if anyone still receives child maintenance from their ex once the child has gone to university ?

My Daughter (18) goes to university in September, she lives full time with me atm, and will stay with me when she returns for the holidays. Our original maintenance agreement states to pay until 2028, with regular reviews etc.

AIBU to expect this to continue? At least in the holidays anyway? Anyone else in this situation. For context I’m a low earner. He is not.

Wanting to be kept ?

Yes. I can afford my life regardless of maintenance because it’s really stupid to rely on it .. it’s always going to stop. There has been so many of these types of threads recently with stay at home mums or part time working mums who can’t afford to have their income from their ex stop. It’s not your ex’s problem/ it’s yours. ( and I have a SEN kid to before that becomes an excuse - the mere fact that your daughter will go to uni is far far beyond what my daughter will achieve and I’ve always worked full time)

Would you like me to explain the difference between 'until 2028 as per the financial order' and 'for a lifetime'?

Surely the point is that they're not a child any more, and besides don't parents realise this is coming once the period during which the absent parent has to pay ends?

Personally I liked the idea - if dad continues to pay money directly to the DD - of her chipping in while staying with mum during holidays, but the money's obviously going to end sometime so preparations will be needed

DD will have higher uni debt because the loan is based on your low income as opposed to DF’s or your joint income had you not been separated. For me that would be the bigger issue.

You mentioned that you would both be sending DD money whilst at uni - in your shoes I would request ex to fund the difference between min and max maintenance loan directly to DD and instead of you sending any money to her at uni your contribution is supporting her during the weeks she’s at home.

At some point you need to be able to fund your living expenses without any maintenance assistance or relying on DD living at home and paying rent. One possible option is downsizing or a lodger.

Given that OP gets maintenance anyway until 2028, it would likely be better to do this only from 2027, she should get a solicitor's advice. It will also be possible then to say how well the DD fared away from home, and how much support has actually been needed.

If she is able to work after university, then minor support like doing her washing and helping her with shopping do not require financial maintenance. Even if dad doesn't put on the washing machine for her, it will only cost about £25/year to do all her laundry at home. If she isn't able to work, then sensible conversations about her living costs will be easier when that is clear.

You are not and should not be entitled to child maintenance once your dd goes to university. She should be paying all of her own costs from her student loan and PIP, including during the holidays when she is living with you. The student loan payment is more in the Spring term to account for the fact that she has to live over the summer holidays.

However

The fact that you had to give up work to care for a disabled child should have been taken into account when the financial order was made. This could have been in the form of you receiving more than a 50% share of the assets or it could have been in the form of spousal maintenance. If spousal maintenance was included or it was as other have said a global order then that should continue until 2028.

Yes, this. I would very much hope your inability to earn due to your DD’s disabilities would have been taken into account in the original order. That would be a factor that I would expect to have been strongly argued on your behalf. It just can’t be child maintenance in that order for maintenance until 2028! It must be global or not child related … child maintenance does not cover uni years. OP, I suggest you (a) discuss in real detail with your ex how your daughter will be supported by you both as parents, (b) go to a lawyer if the order is unclear to you, and (c) start the journey of getting back into a better paid career, which is what lots of parents do once children leave home / the full on parenting period ends. You have time and you can see this as your time!

Nope, I'm good

I work full time too. And I’m not relying on it forever as yes that would be very stupid. It has reduced significantly over the years too, as per the order as per we agreed.

I think because that’s the only part of my comment you’ve picked up on it’s quite obvious that you actually think your low income his is problem when it’s not

in your opinion

But OP and her ex-husband adopted a child with disabilities. People have to jump through loads of hoops to be able to adopt and I assume that OP gave up her nursing career in order to facilitate the adoption as her providing full-time care would have been the preferred option. She is working full time now but on a low wage. Her ex-husband's career proceeded unimpeded.

You've had a post deleted so I assume that post was even more insulting and vitriolic than the undeleted ones.

im actually astounded that post was deleted. Literally all it said was that there has been lots of posts lately about ex wives wanting maintenance to continue. Lots of posts where mums haven’t worked etc and then can’t cope without the money. I’d actually love to hear from MN HQ as to their deletion justification!!

and lots of people give up careers to have kids , it doesn’t mean that the ex has to fund her forever though ( of course he should be supporting the child and I’ve already said that ) and unfortunately for the Op, the guidelines are very clear on the expectation on the timelines for this.

My DC received nothing at the age of 18, despite being in uni.

It was your wording and what you was implying every situation is different.

It absolutely did not break guidelines though., there was no personal attack etc You just didn’t like it. And that’s fine. But I’d like Mn to be more consistent In their approach.

It must of done otherwise they wouldn’t of deleted it? You seem to know a lot about it do you get comments deleted a lot ?

lol, no.

It’s not just my opinion though is it… you actually said it was his problem (twice) 🤦‍♀️

Yeah true

Your daughter must be close to him if she still stays with him 2 nights a week despite being 18

and he has paid you consistently and without any problem for years

so I would assume he will stick to whatever arrangement is in place until 2028 and IF that includes the possibility of paying his daughter direct, he will take that.

either way op, you won’t be losing out financially

I’d suggest it goes to you when dc is home and dc when they are away but no they don’t have to pay it.