Receiving child maintenance once child has gone to university ?

[Bernie54]

Hi, can I ask if anyone still receives child maintenance from their ex once the child has gone to university ?

My Daughter (18) goes to university in September, she lives full time with me atm, and will stay with me when she returns for the holidays. Our original maintenance agreement states to pay until 2028, with regular reviews etc.

AIBU to expect this to continue? At least in the holidays anyway? Anyone else in this situation. For context I’m a low earner. He is not.

He should follow the terms of the agreement, and the money should come to you, as this is the court ordered agreement.

Yes, it's maintenance 'for the child' but it's so the parent who does the care can care for that child - not pocket money. It's also partially to compensate for the fact that the resident parent is more restricted in earning capacity as they provide more care.

if OP does 100% of the care, then ex gives 100% of the money. If they both do 50%, then they both provide 50% of the money. Simple, straightforward, fair.

What about when said child is at university for most of the time

and stays with father 2 nights a week during the holidays?

As the court order says payments until 2028, you need to get proper legal advice. It may have been put this way as it was possible that DD wouldn’t do so well & would still be fully dependent on you?

If exH is becoming more difficult, then a pre-emptive suggestion that the money goes directly to DD might make it less likely that he stops payment altogether. Whatever arrangements you make for DD to pay keep during holidays is between you & her.

Regarding your future, a TA job is notoriously poorly paid & of course is term time only. Essential when DD was a child but now you have the freedom to put yourself first for once. Look into the nursing options that others have suggested, but there may be other better paid choices if you want to continue working with children. Maybe teaching? Or an HCA job to get you back into a medical setting as you say you’ve lost confidence.

just because she is very very close to me does not mean she doesn’t have a relationship with her father does it?! Have I ever said that ? Don’t be so black and white. And stop stalking my other post in an attempt to ‘catch me out’. This post is not about is he a good father or not, in truth he is, yes my daughter can stay at his 2 nights if she wants. In reality this rarely happens, through choice. I am still the resident full time parent, stop trying to twist my words.

OMG

Thank you 😊

Absolutely

You literally said she is with you full time, but also that she is at her dads 2 nights a week. Both of those things cannot be true, so yes, to say she is with you full time is a lie.

Student loans are based on household income, so doesn’t matter what dad earns or what he provides as he doesn’t live in her household.

In my opinion OP’s daughter is getting full loan and PIP so should support herself with this income. Mum should be asking her DD for a contribution towards food etc. If ex does pay this should be saved towards house deposit, or daughter should take less loan and use the maintenance for her living costs. No need for full loan and maintenance and PIP, that’s a lot more than most students get. Many get 4k per year and have to pay for accomodation with that. OP should use this time now to get back in full employment and improve her financial position as daughter will be at uni full time.

Yep.

So the Op fibbed. It’s not full time.

basically the father will support his daughter as he has done without any issue for years. They have their own relationship.

Not read all the posts but if you have a spousal maintenance order until 2028 expressed to be for you, not your DD, then he has to continue paying until then unless he applies to court and gets it varied down.
If it’s a child maintenance order then after 12 months either party can ask CMS for an assessment and that would then be the rate payable and the court would lose its jurisdiction.
Even if it’s money for your DD if the court order says spousal maintenance it remains valid for the full term regardless of whether your daughter goes to uni.

If the divorce settlement says maintenance and not child maintenance, then those are the terms he needs to stick to. Maintenance is about the division of your marital assets. Check in with your solicitor about the terms in case there is something quirky, and perhaps discuss with him anything you think he might pay direct to DD moving forward.

I won’t pay maintenance when my children go to uni but I will support them generously directly, hopefully with a lump sum so they don’t need a loan for at least my half of the fees.

At the moment we are close to 50/50 anyway. If my ex wife chooses to charge them board when they are with her, she can have that conversation with them.

After 18, they are adults, no longer children.

I think what many are missing here is that you and your ex made a joint decision to adopt a child with additional needs. Due to your sacrifice of your career to devote the time needed to support your DD, your career has suffered irreparable damage and you will now always be a low earner. His career has been unaffected and he will continue to benefit from your unpaid work to care for his DD. I wonder how his career would have panned out had he been the primary carer. Over a lifetime, the benefit to him of being able to keep his career is in the millions. It would be impossible to reflect this in a divorce settlement. So ignore the comments about how it’s not his problem and how he’s dad of the year by having his DD a couple of nights a week.

Thank you so much

Now come on OP, wouldn't any of us, who like weekends away refer to it as living in our houses part time? I go to Wales nearly every weekend, so obviously I'm a part time Welsh resident. Ffs.

This was not the place to post. There no understanding of adult disabled children on here. People are in court because the LAs can decide to house their adult, vulnerable children anywhere they like. Anyone who isn't bitter and/or a twat would get your point. She might not cope with UNI and will need a place to come home, or may not be able to live independently, so you need two bedroomed accommodation. She needs security, also because of her start in life. The court recognised your sacrifice and it was a needed one for an adopted, disabled child. The way your order is worded sounds as though it would continue, legally, as said, get advice. If your maintenance is a drop in the ocean to your ex, he'd be the lowest of the low to stop paying. My DD, is only now, at 28, starting to be truly independent and not in need of a lot of help, emotionally as well as practically. Working full time doesn't mean that they can function, as others do. Me still doing her washing and cleaning means that she can be financially independent, because otherwise she'd be too overwhelmed. Get legal advice, as suggested.

But no one should be expected to sustain an ex spouse financially for a lifetime. People who divorce want ( and should) get a clean break. Providing for children is one thing. Providing for an ex spouse is another- which is what ops ex would be doing if maintenance continued for an adult dd who has gone to university and has their own finances.

@Newbutoldfather are your children disabled? Under LA policies re housing/benefits they aren't full adults. Various bodies have a duty of care towards them. For non disabled young people it's 21, for formally looked after children, disabled etc, it's 25. Someone has to house an 18 year old, if you are prepared to do it, great. If not, as long as you are helping them enough that they could pay their mother keep, that's also reasonable parenting.

No one? Because the law disagrees with you there. It is possible to make long term or even life long maintenance orders for a spouse and in some cases it is absolutely justified for someone to continue to support their ex spouse where that persons ability to earn money has been directly impacted as a result of the marriage. The OP falls into such a category. An adopted child with additional needs requires a huge amount of care that is incompatible with a career. The OP’s ex got to opt out of the impact of this due to the OP’s sacrifice. She has raised a child with a difficult start in life who is now going on to uni - a huge achievement in itself. However, her career is lost whereas her ex has been able to keep his intact.

The law may disagree with me but yes, I don't personally believe anyone should have to. That is an opinion I'm entitled to, as anyone else is entitled to theirs. You'd need to be a very high earner for a life long maintenance order for an ex spouse to go through. A minority tbh and op hasn't said she has one.

Why have you not acknowledged my link? Many university students claim from absent parents through this.

What link ? What absent parent?

That doesn't take account of additional needs though. Some children are never wholly independent.

Op you can make a schedule 1 application under the Children Act. The court will look at your daughter's needs and make a ruling accordingly.

Good for you, every situation is different

That's incorrect. The court can order further support/lump sums if disabilities are involved.