Receiving child maintenance once child has gone to university ?

[Bernie54]

Hi, can I ask if anyone still receives child maintenance from their ex once the child has gone to university ?

My Daughter (18) goes to university in September, she lives full time with me atm, and will stay with me when she returns for the holidays. Our original maintenance agreement states to pay until 2028, with regular reviews etc.

AIBU to expect this to continue? At least in the holidays anyway? Anyone else in this situation. For context I’m a low earner. He is not.

Any parent with a decent income who refuses to financially support their teenage child through university doesn't deserve a relationship with them.

Some of the comments here blow my mind. We've had 2 DC go through uni and it was a very expensive time for us. Topping up their accommodation costs and sending a food shop every week.

Very few 18 year olds can support themselves financially, so who should the responsibility fall to? Obviously not the dad according to many posters. Yet another way of keeping women in relative poverty.

OP was awarded maintenance until 2028 in the divorce settlement for a reason, because she was the one left caring single-handedly for their adopted disabled daughter. People who adopt a disabled child are expected to make huge life changes to support the child. This has fallen completely onto OP. Her ex-husband's life didn't change. He then had an affair and left and never sees his daughter.

The fact that their disabled adopted daughter has done well enough with OP's support to go to University (something that probably wouldn't have been possible if she had remained in the care system), is down to OP's life completely changing to support her daughter.

Why you are being so rude to the OP and taking the side of her ex-husbannd, I don't know but it doesn't make you look good.

Many many students on the lowest maintenance loans support themselves because families don’t have the money. They get jobs. If he chooses to give her extra it needs to go to the child as she is over 18 and the student not the mother. If he is going to give extra money the loans need to be based on his income . She is on full maintenance and PIP with no rent costs alledgedly. Why does she need more?The vast majority of students are on far less.

It's the ex's dd too. Money to help support his own dd whilst home from uni is not a handout.

Because the daughter has the money she needs and for her disability. If the op wants more money she needs to ask her daughter however I don’t get why she needs it as the daughter has money to sort all her costs.

The assumption here is that PIP covers all disability related costs. It doesn’t, and was never intended to do so. It’s a contribution.

I have an autistic child on PIP and autistic children at uni without PIP. It does a very good job of covering costs. And again it’s the student adult not the mother that needs to sort this. None of this is the mother’s money.

It sounds like he will pay, but you seem
keen the maintenance goes to you, when in reality her higher maintenance for 9 months will be to cover her uni living costs. Will you manage in 3 years when the agreement ends? Coming home in holidays is a cost but in reality some extra food and a bit more in utilities. Once she has finished uni, you won’t get single person discount on council tax. I have 50:50 with my ex. Our 17 year old has largely lived with him since he was 16, I only paid maintenance when I was waiting for my new house and couldn’t house him. Once I had a house with a designated bedroom, I didn’t pay maintenance- he knows I have a room and can’t afford to provide that and pay his dad maintenance. Older kids move between us.

She’s at her dad’s 2 nights a week op
and soon will be at uni most of the time, when you’ll be saving then

I assume that he has a home and the ability to feed and water their child leaving each parent responsible for their own circumstances and ability to accommodate their adult child in the way they wish to

We all know that children don't stop needing parental support once they reach 18, financial or otherwise, and no decent parent is going to withdraw all support then. Many, many do but a lot don't. They just take the reasonable step of helping the child directly.
If he stops paying at 18, the OP can try her luck at court but he's not obliged to support her unless the court order relates to spousal maintenance. If it doesn't, he could probably still stop and leave it to the OP to pursue. Hopefully, he deals directly with the dd and ensures she has all she needs

How do you know that she is at her dads 2 nights a week ?

If the daughter buys her own food which she’ll be more than able to there are no extra costs.

Because I was on your “Smug husband” thread the other day

If dad is subbing her loans need to be based on his income and she will get less. The tax payer ( and there is a cost to the tax payer even though they are loans)shouldn’t be funding the higher loans to somebody unnecessarily.

Oh wow ok 🤷‍♀️

Where has OP said that their daughter stays with her father two nights a week? OP has said that she lives with her full-time.

On her other thread I was on the other day

“she stays with him twice a week”

Depends on whether he will actually pay up though doesn’t it ?

He doesn’t need to as she is getting the full loans and PIP based on the mother’s income. My dc survive on the minimum loans and no PIP.If the plan was for him to sub the loans should be based on his income and she’d be getting less.

Even if he pays till 2028, what will you do after that? Time to make a plan to support yourself

I have reported this nasty poster.

I'm sorry you have had so many harsh replies. I don't think any of them have walked in your shoes. I have tip toed in them as I had to give up work when DD was a baby as she had a serious health issue that was incompatible with me working.

Fortunately it was resolved when she was four years old and I went back to work. I hope you do manage to find a way to go back into nursing if that is what you want to do.

OP has literally said on her other thread “My daughter is very very close to me., and lives with me full time, stays at her dads twice a week,”

He’s never had any issues with paying the OP
His 18 year old daughter chooses to stay with him 2 nights a week so there’s obviously a fairly close relationship with him

I would trust that he will support his daughter OP, which in turn will assist you

Which is surely a contradiction?

2 nights a week with her father does not mean she lives full time with the Op