Child's friend parent on sexual offender register

[springisspringing1]

I live in a smallish town - only one primary school and only one class per year. My DC is in reception. One of the children's fathers was found guilty of looking at child sex photographs and online grooming of a young teen girl. He is on the sexual offender register. The mother has retained a close relationship with the father (they may still be together - I don't know her well enough). We have kids' birthday parties all the time and eg when she hosts one, the father is likely to be there. I don't want my children near this man. I just don't. I think she's keen for him to be reintegrated into the (quite small) community. AIBU is, I suppose, to make it clear I don't want him to bring their child to my child's party? (I will just make an excuse for their party). Also - is this unfair on my child's friend (who is obviously only 4 too). This is not something that is going to go away -- and want to work out how to manage it now. Please be kind - I absolutely know it is not the mother or the child's fault.

Each to their own?!
That's usually my mantra, but not in this case of having a child sex abuser around kids!
What's his type got to do with anything?!
If he's prone to liking kids then I wouldn't give a shit if any of his previous likes were female (are u insinuating that maybe if you're a boy you're safe?!)
I wouldn't want him around ANY kids.

Thank you for replying @AnotherNaCha
Shocking and sickening, just bonkers.. once again, children aren't protected or prioritized near enough, neither by social services nor by the law.

As most other people have said, I wouldn't entertain this man in any way, shape or form.

The child is invited, as long as someone else drops the child.

She doesn't have to do anything of the sort.

Eh? How on earth is it outing when thousands of men are convicted of CSA crimes every year in the U.K. it could be any village/small town in any country in the world.

Why is this detail important? Are you trying to make out this isn’t true. Or want to find a way around a complaint?

Again, why do you want to know this detail, curioushoney?

Your posts are giving me verrrrryyyyy creepy vibes. Why does her DH have to be on board - OP can decide to protect her child herself you know. Why would you not want her child to be safe? You’re trying to undermine OP and her thread.

He’s disgusting and I understand your issue but it’s your child’s friend and she/he will feel left out. Just make sure he is never alone with your kid and if he does speak to her/hm just be around

It's OK to make kids sad.
Especially if they're not yours and their sadness doesn't effect you in anyway.

how peculiar . You didn’t bother to read my posts. I wasn’t asking the OP I was asking @Gymmum82 🙄

Because I find this poster’s stance incredibly disturbing how laissez faire she’d be about a paedophile around her child

I am curious whether she’d be this dogmatic if the father of her children was on the same page as most of us on This thread ie wtf NO

life must be hard for you @Spinachpastapicker

i was asking @Gymmum82 not the OP.

this man, his wife and indeed the child wouldn’t be remotely near my child outside of the school perimeter

I’m fairly sure that other kids won’t be allowed to attend if the parents know this man will be there. There’s that to consider too.

Why should OP put this child before her own child? She needs to protect her own child and I wouldn't want that man anywhere near my child.

The child feeling left out isn't OP's problem.

@Dinosaurshoebox
While I’m with op on this one and wouldn’t let this man anywhere near my child your comment is disgraceful.
”it’s okay to make kids sad” What the actual fuck!

Get a grip.
Of course it's OK to make kids sad.
It is sad that that child has 2 seriously messed up parents.
But we don't all need to go down with the Titanic.

I'd be telling my children that unfortunately not everyone has good parents and that sadly Timmy was one of those kids.
That means that while I'm sure he's lovely and you can carry on being friends in school we won't be having his parents near us and they won't be going near them.

Wow. My chid wouldn’t be getting the opportunity to be anywhere near him, let alone speak to him. This isn’t about the friend feeling left out - that’s not on OP. Her first concern is making sure that this man doesn’t come anywhere near her child.

But oddly despite the community all knowing this, the op doesn’t once mention any one else’s view on the party. She can’t be alone surely?

Could you not just have a conversation with the mother and explain that you don’t want to disadvantage child but if you invite them it’s on the condition that father does not attend?
If she tries it on then you know for next time but if I were in her position I’d be putting my child first.

This is what I’d do to I think, it’s really sad for the other child. He doesn’t stand a chance though really.. A pedophile for a father and a mother who is standing by him.
He’d be better off in foster care and then hopefully adopted and I’m surprised that the mum is aloud to keep her child, even if they’ve split she’s putting him in a position of being shunned by his peers at school and possibly abused at home.

No I wouldn't have him in the house or at the party. I agree the mother should rethink her choices and bring the child herself.

OP has said she hasn't wanted to discuss with others for fear of being seen as a vigilante. Which is fair enough given some of the batshit responses on here.

The batshit responses are the ones urging OP to reintegrate this man and put the needs of his DC above hers.
I would not have my DC or myself anywhere near this man

Sorry if I wasn't clear, I totally agree, I wouldn't let my child anywhere near this man or woman to be honest.

The posts calling OP judgemental and asking how she knows other dads are not sex offenders WTF? Are they written by India Knight?
Stay as far away from this family as possible. Who cares if its judgemental.