To ask how many of you married for money?

[Quietsurrender]

Because I am considering it.

Divorced with DC and starting to really struggle financially and now also in other ways.

People won’t generally say they married for money but it’s definitely part of the decision making process. I didn’t marry DH ‘for the money’ but part of what attracted me was that he is intelligent, hard working and ambitious. We do earn similar amounts so it makes for a comfortable life together.

I’d never marry for money. I’m not a mail order bride or a prostitute.

Most people look for their equivalent- a vulnerable non earner is not massively appealing to most adults men or women.

I didn't but I would now. Now there's no love and no money and the main thing we argue about is money.

Yes, I think this situation is much more common than marrying for money. My mum would have left my dad if she was financially independent. She was a SAHM from the age of 26 and had three children. My dad was somewhere between a miserable, entitled, rude bastard and emotionally abusive depending on how you look at it and he got worse as he got older. He would have massively struggled if my mum had left since she did absolutely everything in the house and her life would have been so much better and freer without him. But she’d let him look after the finances their whole lives and didn’t even know what savings they had. She didn’t have her own pension and didn’t ever feel she could afford to leave.

Emotional intellegence has left the building.

Passion isn't a good enough reason to get married IMHO. Passion fades usually so you need a better basis for a happy marriage - you must actually LIKE each other, enjoy being together, share interests/SOH.

If you need romance and he's cold you'll be unhappy matter how financially comfortable you are.

He's funny, smart, hard working, has integrity, I feel safe around him. I even feel an attraction growing.

These are all attractive qualities. I would see no harm in dating him and seeing where the growing attraction leads. It may be he becomes more demonstrably affectionate when he knows you better or when you are affectionate to him. It may be he continues to be subdued and doesn’t express affection in a way you need. When you say there is no passion what do you mean? There is a world of difference between not feeling like he’s the only person in the world and you want to rip his clothes off and the idea of sex with him being a bit repulsive. If you are just a bit lukewarm currently I’d again think it’s worth dating for a while and seeing what happens. You don’t have to decide now if you’d marry the guy, just if you feel like it’s worth trying a relationship.

Better to be an old man darling than a young man's slave was told to me when I was young.

Financial security is attractive if you want children

One of my exes, who is still a dear friend, just inherited and became very very wealthy. I saw him socially as part of the friendship group recently and came away thinking I still couldn’t be with him as a partner/ DH. Couldn’t force the necessary connection despite the masses of wealth. The DH I have ended up with will never be a moneybags but the emotional and mental connection are worth way more.

Edited for terrible grammar.

My mum used to say;

When poverty strikes, love flies out the window.

I think it’s a quote.

This thread reminds me of the brilliant Caroline Ahearn asking Debbie Magee, “So, Debbie, what first attracted you to the millionaire, Paul Daniels?”

Yeah this is so much more important than what his salary is. Frittering, gambling, not knowing the value of things and generally wasting money isn't correlated to wealth.

(I never let men pay on first dates because I wanted to lay down a marker of equality, but also because I thought men who were out there paying for 10 first dates every month with women they were meeting for the first time were bloody stupid with their money.)

Also long-term financial goals - are you on the same page when it comes to being "comfortable enough" or are you going to go for pots of money (and accept all the down sides that come with it such as lack of time, stress, workaholism and so on).

I'm not a spender by nature and now I've reached a point in my life where I don't really have to think or worry about money, I find this is quite enough for me. DP is on the same page. I'd find it very stressful to either be with someone who had a "keeping up with the Joneses" mindset about spending, OR to be with someone for whom affluent comfort wasn't enough and, for example, kept pressuring me to go for higher-earning jobs that I don't want.

Agree..Passion doesnt last.
I am not saying marry for money. But I wouldnt marry someone with zero prospects or no drive.

Love that Cher quote!

I'm seeing so many posts in this thread about how important financial stability is and how money makes everything more comfortable. Yes... and what I don't understand is why the answer to this seems to be to find a man and become dependent on him, rather than to MAKE THE MONEY YOURSELF if it's so crucial. That seems more like financial stability to me - you have the money but also control over it because it's yours.

Hmmm, this isn't a simple question really. A big part of my decision to marry DH was tied in to financial security but I wouldn't say I married him for money. He'd say "what money?" but he grew up differently than I did.

He's not rich but he's an only child in a family with some very moderate generational wealth (land rich more than cash rich tbh). We were gifted the land we built our house on and his parents paid a substantial amount towards the actual build/finishing of the house. We were mortgage free before 40.

He'll inherit their house and some cash in the future - not sure how much but would guess something over £100k. He may also inherit more land from a childless uncle.

I couldn't have married him just for the security his money offered though. I am attracted to him, he's kind, decent and my best friend who's always in my corner. He's been incredibly good to my DD from a previous relationship who was 7 when we met. I'm sometimes a bit sad that we don't share more interests though - for example, I read loads of books, he doesn't read any. I rarely have deep conversations with him as I know he's not interested. He's a simple, practical person. Our relationship isn't perfect but we're content/happy and the security of his financial/family status is a big part of that for me.

I didn't marry for money, DH and I earned much the same throughout our marriage, but marrying young and staying married was definitely good for me financially.

partly yes, but we’re very happy and my love and respect for him has grown so much over the years. He offers financial security and for me that is huge. He’s a also a very loving partner and father. We’re lucky

Which was really unfair because they were together before he was famous.

It was a joke though. She was a comedian and said it for comic effect.

I did and so did my DW.
So we were both disappointed.

I thought it was nasty and not funny. Debbie Macgee had to take it in good part but it wasn't funny or clever.

This is not something to settle for.

I would rather be on my death bed thinking about all the fond memories with the person I deeply loved and treasured rather than thinking of all the possessions the money of a random man I didn’t really love bought me.

I would rather have to work harder, live in a smaller house in a less desirable area but be with someone I truly love and am happy with rather than marry for money, live in a bigger house etc yet be going to be empty at night because he isn’t my person.

but thats the thing not all cheaters would feel guilty etc

No. Because some things are more important.

Being completely honest, none of the single men I know (mostly DHs friends) who are wealthy would marry a woman with kids and definitely not one who didn’t bring equal finances to the relationship.

Most older men with money, that are looking at dating, are well aware of the sort of women who are interested in them. That’s why they’re single - not because they’re not lovely people, but because they don’t trust woman not to be after them for money, and many posters on this thread have proven their fears justified.

Well, everyone finds different things funny. Some people like Mrs Brown‘s Boys, for example.