To ask how many of you married for money?

[Quietsurrender]

Because I am considering it.

Divorced with DC and starting to really struggle financially and now also in other ways.

Just curious...is your partner bad to you/abusive? Or do you just not love him?

In answer to the question. YES

Going on the Mrs Merton show was not for the faint hearted. Debbie can hold her own.

Nope. The man I’m marrying soon hasn’t got much but I feel like I’ve won the lottery.
The richest man on earth couldn’t replace him and I’m not money motivated anyway, I wouldn’t lower myself to use someone like that.

I would say the majority of us saying that we took/take finances into consideration do have our own money and/or financial ambitions, which is precisely why we didn’t look/aren’t looking for someone not on at least equal footing.

As someone with my own and family wealth, I wasn’t looking to either sacrifice my own lifestyle to match theirs, or fund another adult (running a real risk of being taken advantage of). Some people are happy to do that and that’s fine, but that isn’t going to suit everyone, and there’s nothing wrong with that either.

The majority also haven’t said that financial security is the only factor taken into consideration, but rather it’s one part of overall compatibility.

Not sure how it's possible to stay in love with a spouse who doesn't show physical affection. There's nothing lonelier than living with someone and not getting a hug after a bad day (or even after the death of a family member) and eventually knowing not to even hope for one. Never getting a caress or a touch to make you feel attractive, no matter the occasion or how much effort you put into your appearance. It goes along with being "subdued" too--just a general lack of effort. Eventually this erodes any romantic connection that once (briefly) existed and makes it extremely difficult to overcome other problems in the marriage as they arise due to a lack of a deeper physical connection that typically separates marriage from friendship. So then more problems arise.

That's a level of loneliness that is very difficult to live with day after day, even at a 5* resort.

I have never regretted it. Even went on UC and haven’t had a holiday of any kind in 8 years but I am so much happier and I love sleeping alone!!

Not saying you will be unhappy OP as I don’t know but his subdued and unaffectionate nature would scare me off.

No!

DH and I had about £500 between us when we got married.

25 years later we've made a few pennies.

You sound like a horrible person. Leave this man alone to find someone who loves him. Go find a man you love.

Using people is disgusting.

Nope but I wish I had…! Or been encouraged to make my own! I get by but it’s a struggle. Ex was (and is) useless with money! I stupidly married for love…! 😅

I didn’t. I married a man who had a decent medium level career - he’s now retired as he’s older than me - and who supports me in mine. We absolutely love each other and live a modest but secure life. It’s good for us, though many would probably want ‘more.’ Me having my own job was invaluable when he got cancer as it meant we didn’t have financial worries to add into the mix. I am from a poor background so didn’t have high expectations money-wise, I just wanted someone who loves me and vice versa.
Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I’d married someone stashed but it doesn’t necessarily bring happiness. I feel a sense of pride in my own achievements and can’t imagine being with a very rich man and being seen as a gold digger or an appendage. I wouldn’t like a relationship where I felt on the back foot in any way - I’ve noticed rich people tend to marry in their own circles!

This is an interesting one. When I met my ex husband we earned similar amounts, fast forward marriage, two redundancies (mine) and a child he was a very high earner, me doing mediocre jobs to fit childcare. Big house, big lifestyle but totally miserable. Workaholic avoidant husband who did exactly as he pleased. I was totally tied to childcare, house and home because he worked away, he claimed all spare time for his hobby and controlled the finances. I lived on the same amount of 'pocket money' for twenty years.

When I finally got the courage to get out, the backlash from family and 'friends' was immense. I was told I was mad giving up the lifestyle or awful for fighting for my share. I ended up in therapy because I felt so bad.

High earners aren't always good spouses. They may never be around or controlling arses. My marriage was an artic wasteland of loneliness. Looked great from the outside though.

I think it was definitely a factor in deciding to marry my exH. We knew we wanted to have a family and I wanted to know that I could be a sahm if I chose to.

0 judgement. Please note I only read your first post, no replies. I think if you have found a man you can be content with, then go for it. But he has to be enough for your whole life. Don't leave the second your babies are of age. Don't waste someone else time when they could be building everything with someone who truly wants a whole life with them.

Not me. The opposite, really. Married a lovely unambitious man. He's since outperformed expectations, and earns almost as much as me.

I'd never have dreamed of it as a young woman but wouldn't hold back now though in the same situation.

I didn't. I love my husband to bits and money wasn't a part of that package. 🤣

But wouldn't think twice about it if i were in that situation now. With certain caveats.

I wouldn't ever get together with a guy I didn't like, or couldn't stand, for money.

Or a complete arsehole.

But if a decent guy I got on with and liked came with financial security, so much the better. I wouldn't choose money over love though, if it were a choice. Because a man with money is attractive to some women and he might just use his freedom to move on. 😬

And me 😂 I had the chance and gave it up for “love”.

I don’t think that’s marrying for money, OP. I think that’s “settling”. I couldn’t marry for money. But I wouldn’t judge anyone for “settling”. There are too many posts on here by women who have married or had DC with someone because of the phwar factor, but the man has turned out to be the biggest dick. If you feel safe and he’s funny, I think that’s OK, whether he has money or not.

Well, yes, I think I did in a way. I wanted to pick someone who I thought would be able to support me and our future children. I wouldn't have married DH if he hadn't had good job prospects (and relatively well-off middle class parents!).

I married for love. It was a mistake tbh.

Not if there is no spark or physical attraction there.

I could have married someone well off with huge earning potential but I called it off as I just didn’t fancy him. I couldn’t do it - the thought of having to have sex with him made me recoil - it was awful. He wasn’t even unattractive- just something didn’t fit. I convinced myself for a while that he was growing on me but nope. We were the best of friends but he felt more like a brother to me in the end.

I still have dreams that I’m with him or married to him and I wake up with relief that I’m married to my husband now. He earns less than me but the spark and emotional connection is there and I wouldn’t change that for more money.

I wouldn’t marry for money. I don’t think it’s conducive to a happy life.

but then I’m not materialistic. Just been to work in a jacket I got for £5 off Vinted, a polo top I got for £4 from the charity shop and a skirt I bought in 2017!

@JHound I don’t think that’s true. I know plenty of pleasant women who struggle to find dates.

I don't see how that's possible. Any woman who is pleasant and approaches men will find that many of those men will take a mutual interest in her.

Even on a dating app (where personalities are not as visible), I think if these women were to swipe right on every man's profile, they would surely find they are getting at least a few matches each month.

Well she did , kudos to her. It still wasn't funny.

We married not long after graduating and didn't have two beans to rub together. The thing is about marrying for money is what do you bring to the table?

I work in a sector with lots of hnw individuals and their partners are similar to them. Money attracts money and rich people are always looking to increase their wealth and connections. They tend to socialise in similar circles so are more likely to attract another hnw individual.

@BountifulPantry and a skirt I bought in 2017!

Keeping an item of clothing for 8 years is fairly normal, and not a long time at all. The only exceptions would be stuff like shoes, socks, and underwear, which are prone to becoming worn out more quickly.