“I wouldn't have married someone who wasn't generous with what he did have.”
This is so important. You can marry a rich man but is he generous as well? I remember dating a man a few years ago who was a business man , had various investments, earned 6 figures etc but he was very miserly - at least with me. Maybe he was waiting to spend it on his dream woman but that clearly wasn’t me!
The first time I came to his house which involved a long-ish flight he didn’t even offer me food. When I mentioned it he dug out some leftovers that didn’t taste good to me. He also didn’t do a lot of the things he promised we’d do while in his city that long weekend, including taking me out for a fancy dinner on at least one night and some touristy stuff. I asked him about it and he got annoyed and basically said was I here to see him or get a tour of his city. I was pretty shocked since he was the one who suggested doing these things initially and also if have a friend over I love taking them out and doing sightseeing etc.
I can see now he just didn’t want to spend money and was grooming /training me
to ask for nothing.
He had asked me to bring something he liked from the country I was traveling from which I did, but yet he had no welcome gift for me. I was expecting maybe a little bunch of flowers or some nice chocolate etc.
I mean we went out to eat twice the 4 days I was there and he paid but each time the waitress asked if we wanted dessert he would quickly say no. Otherwise I just snacked on fruit in his house. He did make a fresh dinner dinner for me once though.
I’d spent literally hundreds between the flights and getting a new dress for the fancy dinner we never went on and his gift and he was giving me the bare minimum.
The whole episode just put me off him entirely and I just couldn’t imagine a happy life with him.
I’d dated men with less than him who were much more generous.
Wouldn’t marry for money personally but nothing against women who do - the only thing I’d say is make sure the man is generous and ready to share - not just rich. And that there are other things you like
about him too.
It’s not different from men - or women for that matter - marrying partners they think are beautiful. They may like other things about the person but attractiveness was still factored in.
I think in your case Op if you have DC under 18 you should be very careful about bringing a man into their lives anytime soon. This man seems a bit closed off which may mean he is just reserved but may also mean you don’t really get to know the true person until it’s too late.
No-one should put themselves in danger but I think you get to be a bit reckless when you don’t have kids. Things are so different when you have kids to consider.