To ask how many of you married for money?

[Quietsurrender]

Because I am considering it.

Divorced with DC and starting to really struggle financially and now also in other ways.

No, but I was young & stupid. DH appeared a go getter but it turned out he has zero ambition. Despite having a career which he could earn well, he sits in a dead end option & moans, but refuses to move because higher paying companies have benchmarks & expectations.

I've started working in a relative's DH's company and yes, I'd marry for money if I had my time again. Relative flits in & out & is always on holiday. Just walks into travel agent & books luxury 4 week holidays, buys whatever she likes. Her life is easy. SIL was smart enough to marry a high earner & has an easy life, too. Both work, but it's much easier if your partner earns well, too.

The worst part is I mentioned how well DH's cousin was doing & he said 'he studied & worked hard for it, he deserves it'.

I'd give up a lot for that kind of life. I'm tired of battling & driving old battered cars. For the record, I'm the one who has mostly contributed to our financial position by previously being the higher earner, providing the house deposit & we only started moving forward after I took over our finances. DH had been ignoring our day to day finances & actually lost us money.

It goes further, though. Ambitious men are motivated in other ways. They get stuff done. DH sleeps until 10am on weekends & then whomps on the couch. He does very little unless told to do it. The ambitious men I know are all out there early, getting stuff done!

*and love.

Nope. Marriage is hard enough without love.

They can get weirdly miserly when they get old even the millionaires.

I’ll be honest - I met DH in my early 20s and wasn’t thinking much about future earning power, I think I was pretty naive in this respect. It simply felt like ‘we both earn enough right now’, so that was okay. However, some of my friends, often who married a bit later, did seem to think about it more and married bankers, corporate lawyers, private doctors etc.

At that stage I honestly didn’t realise just how massive the income differences would become within a decade or so. These women often gave up work to enable their husband’s careers - I wouldn’t want to do that as I love my own work and earning my own money too. However, they all lead very comfortable lives now - think private schools, second homes, lots of holidays etc - while we are really stretched to the max and reaching certain ceilings in what we will ever earn. Sometimes I do feel a bit jealous tbh, and wonder if I should have thought about this more carefully…

How is it the same as prostitution?

My sił always sought out wealthy men. She said she found the fact they were rich a big turn on. She went on specialist dating apps to find them. These men that she dates, and one of them she married and had children with, are not physically attractive by conventional standards, and they’re not charming or clever either. They tended to always be at least several years older than her.
I should add though that she (and my dp) had abusive childhoods so that probably played its role in her choices

I guess it depends where you meet men too. In my late 20s I was hugely ambitious and working long hours to further my (highly paid) career, so the chances of me even having the opportunity to meet someone without money/ambition etc was pretty slim. I met my DH at work!

It's sad that divorce so often leaves women poorly off, financially, that you (OP) even needs to consider this.

@MermaidMummy06 - I relate to certain things in your post. My DH is infuriatingly un-ambitious too, and it drives me crazy.

However, he IS the man who gets up and gets stuff done! Does lots in the house, cooks, cleans etc. All the super high powered men I know barely know where the kitchen is!

Very well put, and what I did!

I didn't although my DH was better off than me. 25 years later that has reversed, his career did not do as well as mine. As we love each other this hasn't mattered, but if I had married him for money I guess I'd be very pissed off

I can think of several friends whose non-negotiables for their second husbands included a deep wallet, and all appear happily settled with men who, as well as being wealthy, are interesting and presentable. It never occurred to me except that I wouldn't have married someone who was in debt or had habits/addictions that might have frittered my own income away, and I wouldn't have married someone who wasn't generous with what he did have.

No - but i know a few who did.

OP, I don’t think it’s as clear as marrying someone for their money. I was a single mother for 10 years and never received anything from my ex husband - he wanted to see me suffer. I know that I was ready to share the ‘load’ with someone but don’t think I consciously went searching for a man with money. In the event, I have married a wonderful man who would support me no matter what the circumstances. What I would say in my journey to get to this place is that companionship is everything. Our sex life is not amazing but I trade that for the amazing human he is, and how he has embraced my chaotic life. I love him more than anything. Long winded way of saying that I absolutely understand where you are coming from. But there is a great saying ‘don’t love for money but love where money is’.

if you can be amazing companions and travel well together (can’t stress enough how important this is) then I wouldn’t hesitate. I hear you! @Quietsurrender

What if you fall in love with a poor man?

One person gets money, the other gets sex.

I married a wealthy man, 20 years older than me. Not for money, I do Iove my old DH dearly. He now has serious health issues. Me, being so much younger, he is in his 70s, I’m in my 50s, does allow me to have the energy to look after him very well and the money, as you say, does make our lives easier. And I think does extend his life.

You think a marriage is just an exchange of sex and money?

Friends sister always dated wealthy men looking for a husband. She finally found one in the music industry. Everything was wonderfully glamorous for a time. Then it all went wrong as did their marriage. He left her for another woman leaving her destitute. A wealthy man who fails is not a good partner.

I married a man from a similar background but my main motivation was his looks 😆

Trading sex and companionship for financial support. Obviously.

and Melania Trump would agree with that.

For some on this thread, yes.

is he proper loaded? Even then you are likely to regret it.
is he generous? My husband is loaded ( wasn’t before we married, I’m his lucky charm) but not particularly generous. Luckily I have my own thing going on so it doesn’t really matter but it does irk sometimes.

women have done worse to feed their kids but if you can get by on your own then I’d say don’t do it. For your own sake, and your child’s. Your child will figure it out and then might repeat the cycle.