Planned to fall pregnant age 15

[Karrotten]

I'm 25 now so this was a decade ago it's something I've never admitted to anyone not even my own mother. Only my husband knows that our first child was not an "accident" and was actually planned even though we were only 15.

Don't get me wrong I have no regrets with how how my life is and I love my child but I look back and think I must of been really disturbed to intentionally do that.
Every one else I know who had a child so young fell pregnant accidentally. Closest I've heard of it being planned is internet theories of young girls getting pregnant just for a council house. I did not even know what a council house or a mortgage was at 15 though.

Not sure what the point in this post is, just musing over something I can obviously never admit to in real life

Dont beat yourself up

i highly suspect you’re not alone. All those “accidents” can’t be genuine . A family member had two “accidental” pregnancies. The babies are very close in age

I think, biologically speaking, for most of human history, it must have been normal/natural to have kids almost as soon as you were physically through puberty.

My sex drive was insane when I was a teenager, but if I'd have got pregnant I'd have seen it as a social disaster. But mainly because of family expectations around education and marriage etc. So I wasn't broody. But both of my daughters admitted to feeling broody at about 15-18 when they spent time with babies - and I think they'd have made amazing mums already.

If things had been different I could have done the same. If I'd been with a guy I wanted to spend my life with and trusted.

Ultimately having a baby is a lot of work, amd my desire to live selfishly for myself held me back the most of any reason.

Yes I agree although it’s taboo. I was broodier at 16 than I was when I actually went on to have a baby at 26. If I had, like OP, by some miracle been with the right man, I don’t think a baby at 18 would’ve been a bad idea as such provided he was working and we had our own place. It’s odd to think now in my mid 30s I’m something like 70% of the way through my fertile life and am nearing the end really. I wonder if societal norms will change - I heard in Iceland it’s quite normal for middle class educated girls to have first babies at 21/22.

Blimey, I was still playing with my Britain's farm toys when I was 14/15 (really really wanted to be a farmer)! I did have a very privileged and sheltered upbringing, and went to an all girls Catholic school so I’m not even sure I fully understood how sex worked at that age, but equally I was of the opinion that it wasn’t of concern to me as I was too young anyway.

I was a slow starter and didn’t date until I got to sixth form (with boys!) and only lost my virginity aged 20 at university. I think the OP and I were probably two opposite ends of a spectrum, but I do think it’s a bit sad when children are having sex, regardless of the outcome. I hope my children wait until they are old enough mentally as well as physically, and I definitely wouldn’t want them to be teenage parents (although I’m glad it’s worked out well for the OP). My husband and I chose to wait until we were in our early 30s before having children as we wanted to travel, live abroad, and build up our careers first. All our friends have been the same so I’ve only ever met one person who was a teenage parents, in real life, and she became a grandparent at 36!

This is bizarre. What year was it and where did you go to school 😅

What did your DH want? Did he want to go to college/university? Why did you go to college and he didn’t?

YANBU - but I question this choice. To have a child, as a child is a hard thing to do. You have missed out on so many things, but equally you will be young enough to take advantage of opportunities once your child is 20 and you are 35..... I really hope you do.

We planned it together and he did go to college as well as uni. A few posters have misinterpreted it as him not knowing, I know there is another active thread by a woman trying to accidentally get pregnant without telling her boyfriend so maybe some posters are confused

It took me 3 years to fall pregnant and I was still a teen mam when I did, don't regret it and it was technically a surprise (after 2 years of failing to get pregnant I officially classed as infertile) but certainly not an 'accident'.

Took 10 more years, loses and IVF to have my second child... I don't regret being 'young' at all. If I had waited until much later in life (like my husbands friends who are only just starting to try now at 40) I probably wouldn't have been able to have my family.

I am happily with the father of my kids, he is still my best friend and we have been together over half my life since we where teens.

Most of my friends planned to be young mams too, its really not 'rare'. Although as I said DH friends are only just starting to have kids now so it can be based on your 'social circle'. I only knew 1 girl in my teens that actively tried not to fall pregnant (and she was into casual sex for fun rather than being in relationships).

At middle school in y5 for sex education were wee shown a video of a woman giving birth. From the view of being able to see everything. After that I swore I was never giving birth!! lol. It really did make me nervous of sex for a long time. I had boyfriends from 14 and one was long term on and off for most of secondary school. I went on the pill at 15 for acne and still avoided actual intercourse for quite a number of years. Failed attempt age 19 and was 20 before I was properly comfortable with sex. But I was adamant if I had kids I’d adopt as I couldn’t see me going through what I’d seen on that video. Had my first daughter aged 32.

Interestingly, there were teenage pregnancies at my high school but none of the girls who went to my middle school and who saw that video were the ones getting pregnant. Not everyone left it as late as me but quite a few did.

So interesting to hear that getting very broody at 15/16 is not uncommon. Physically a healthy teenager is very ready to have a baby. I bet there’s a hormonal driver going on there. I remember talking to a midwife who worked with a lot of teen mums. She said that as long as they were healthy (not on drugs, under nourished etc) they usually did really well giving birth. However there’s no doubt that while at the time you think you are practically grown up and know everything, looking back that is far from true. And honestly most if us (any age) don’t really know what life with a baby is like until we experience it. OP I don’t think you were disturbed or abnormal. But maybe displaying a lack of judgement that’s not unusual in teenagers! While in the grip of powerful hormones. Be kind to your younger self and don’t be embarrassed or ashamed about a decision you made then.

I was the exact same, I suppose my goal was 16 and I openly spoke about. My granny wasn't pleased and aunt mocked me. I didn't fall pregnant til I was 21 tho

I was speaking with someone about this and her opinion was, that most young girls who come from a toxic traumatic home with no love or support-ACES. They want to create a life/family of love for themselves, this is because they have so much love to give but no one to give it too. So, they get pregnant young (obviously unaware of this) so they can be loved and give love. Statistically, if you look at teen pregnancy you see most don't come from a secure happy home. I thought that was interesting and very accurate. People like to place judgement of teenagers are looking a house or easy money but I think if you strip all back, her opinion is right.

My dh was older so he already had a full time job, and he was fully on board with wanting a baby. Had finished school drivers license and so on.

I would have been annoyed if I later found out my DM had done this! Do you think you will ever tell your DC?

I can relate to the feeling at that age, but at the time realised it was teenage hormones, with no intention of acting on it.

t seems like you and DH were just in a world of your own and don’t think it shows a disturbed mind or anything. The main thing it worked out for you all.

Why would you be annoyed?

How is it too young though when OP has clearly successfully navigated it ?

I was really broody from about 16, I remember scaring my boyfriend off talking about marriage and kids! I met my next serious bf at 18 and was pregnant at twenty, kind of an accident but I was rubbish at remembering t take the pill. We got married at 22 had our second at 23. Divorced at 28.

I don’t regret having kids young , you have so much energy! I sometimes slightly regret getting pregnant at 37 (dh2) and starting from scratch.

I think for me I’m a bit of a romantic, I was in a rush to fall in love and live happily ever after. My eldest is 22 and is also broody, wants to start trying next year.

I wish I had mine when I was 15. From a financial point of view I would have probably been just as prepared once my husband buggered off not long after littleun was born. I would have probably more prepared as my mother would have still been alive.
And from a physical point of view I would have recovered much quicker and the pregnancy itself would have been healthier. As a working single parent soon to be 40 I don’t feel I have enough energy for play with a young one even though I’m technically healthy and fit. And I don’t have time to rebuild my life and have a second one. Life throws so many things at you that you’re hardly ever as prepared as you think you are; and with pregnancies and children to have time, youth and health is probably the most important thing.

I went to school with two people who seemingly suddenly became a couple then engaged with rumours of pregnancy all in the space of the Summer Term of our GCSES. It was all definitely very much planned. I think they were just waiting to turn 16 to get married. We didn't even know they liked each other!

They are still together as far as I'm aware, thirty years down the line. I've been working with students who can't understand why anyone would want to marry or have kids as a teen, let alone at 16 so I think the modern mindset is completely different.

I've been working with students who can't understand why anyone would want to marry or have kids as a teen, let alone at 16 so I think the modern mindset is completely different.

But 25 is the new 18 and 32 is the new 25. At 25 I'd say most of the people I knew of my own age were married and plenty were already divorced and lots had children. My youngest is 25 and none of their friends are married. Not one. No children either. My older children are 30 and 32 and while a handful of their old school friends are married or have kids I'd say the vast majority are not married and still child free.

That doesn't make sense. If your mother had been 16 when she had you then the other option would be that you weren't born.

I wanted a baby at that age but I was single and far too sensible to act on it! (No offence meant it obviously worked out OK for you!)

Sorry to laugh, I'm laughing with not at you. Just the naivity and insecurity at that age, thinking that IVF may be necessary after such a short time.
I was equally naive, if not more so, at that age, but was in the 'I'm never going to have sex because it is gross ' stage.
Glad it all worked out for you x

It perhaps makes sense if you consider you were here due to accidental teenage pregnancy (which OP has conveyed), but later found out your DM planned it that way.

Well I would rather the truth (perhaps!), but more sympathetic to immaturity by accident than design, especially if things had been difficult as a result.

It’s possibly similar reasons why OP and DH chose to create the lore of an accident they made the best of rather than deliberate intention. If there was no difference, why maintain the cover.