Planned to fall pregnant age 15

[Karrotten]

I'm 25 now so this was a decade ago it's something I've never admitted to anyone not even my own mother. Only my husband knows that our first child was not an "accident" and was actually planned even though we were only 15.

Don't get me wrong I have no regrets with how how my life is and I love my child but I look back and think I must of been really disturbed to intentionally do that.
Every one else I know who had a child so young fell pregnant accidentally. Closest I've heard of it being planned is internet theories of young girls getting pregnant just for a council house. I did not even know what a council house or a mortgage was at 15 though.

Not sure what the point in this post is, just musing over something I can obviously never admit to in real life

I had my first at 34. We started ttc at 30. Had our youngest at 40. Didn't have family support other than moral/sometimes financial because our parents lived too far away. Bought our 4 bed detached home between DC1 and DC2, still live in it.

If I had had a choice, I'd have had my children younger but it didn't work out that way. I certainly never intended to have a baby at 40, but two miscarriages got in the way of our plans.

My elderly parent never needed any care and died suddenly. My not-elderly parent did need some support but died far too young. Both of them died when my eldest was just 9. I wish they had been in my children's lives for longer but life just is what it is.

Would you be happy to be a grandma at 30?

How would you feel if your child became a parent so young?

I do wonder if your parents helped more than you had with your second child?

Literally nobody has suggested 12 year olds have babies on here??

I didn’t have my first child until I was 39, but plenty of my friends had babies as teens and most of them were planned to one degree or another. Most of those people are doing fine now and their kids are happy and well adjusted as far as I can tell. My great grandmother had her first at 15 and stayed with my great grandfather until she died in her late 90s, having five more kids over the years. They seemed happy and their children too. The fabulous Kay Mellor had her first at I think 16 and went on to be one of the most successful television writers of her generation. We are too judgemental about when women have children and ultimately although many 15 year olds are still very much children, some do obviously have the drive and maturity to have children and continue in successful lives. This isn’t to say I advocate teenage pregnancy but it’s also quite clear that it isn’t always the worst possible thing and there are some circumstances where it is the right thing and some ways in which it is preferable to later pregnancies like mine.

Sad that people are saying how they were knowingly rolling the dice, taking chances having abortions etc when the pill has been available for 60 odd years and, condoms around even longer. Children who haven't heard of birth control shouldn't be having babies. All the chances, scares, abortion weren't neccesary.

Fascinating thread. A few girls from my school had babies and I always wondered how accidental they were. It seemed a fairly lonely life for them at the time, missing out on social events, prom etc.
I was desperate for a baby in an emotional way at 16, but the head over heart battle was easily won by head, and I was petrified of pregnancy. Obviously made sure my contraception was sorted, but that's not always watertight.
It passed and I was very glad it did because the boyfriend was a complete no hoper in the end.

I had a friend at that age who was trying to get pregnant but she picked guys who she didn't know to have sex with, because she didn't want them involved. Her mother (who was married to her father) had recently had a baby and I wondered if that was somehow related but I don't know for sure. She seemed pretty well obsessed with it, though.

She had her baby at fifteen or sixteen, lived with her parents for a while, then moved out and eventually got married (not to the baby's father, who I don't believe was ever told or even in touch with her again after a one-night stand).

I am sure she's not the only one because I knew a lot of girls who had babies as teenagers. And, as you say, it's likely to be kept quiet if it was deliberate. Even a teenager would know how poorly most people would think of it, is my guess. I was surprised this girl told everyone about her plans.

I also know a few girls who got married at that age when they weren't even pregnant but just wanted to. I don't think it necessarily is from a bad home life, though that could certainly be one reason.

Anyway, I don't think it means you were mentally ill. If you were, there would have been other, more definite signs of it. Sounds to me like you were just being a fifteen-year-old. That's an age where kids often want to be grown more than anything, but tend to have such little life experience that they still think they know it all!

Glad your life has worked out well. :)

I wanted a baby at 16. I don’t think it’s that uncommon. There’s a small part of me that wishes I had gotten pregnant in my late teens. By 21 it was too late for me and my gyny issues were too severe for me to have ever gotten pregnant. I ended up with cancer and a hysterectomy in my early 30s. I do wonder
if my urges as a teen was my body somehow knowing what was to come and that I only had a narrow window of time.
its too late now anyway.

My school friend did too. She was always going to be a mum and without being rude, she had no other ambitions. It worked out well for her. She lived at home and had loads of support, eventually moved in and married the dad for 20 years and is now has a new boyfriend who takes her all over the world and is about to be a gran.

It would have been harder if she had gotten pregnant young but after moving out 🤷‍♀️

Having seen it firsthand, I'm shocked that so many boys/men are prepared to take a woman's word that they are using contraceptive properly and effectively and don't insist on condoms. Shows how immature some are.

Eta, my friend had a lovely homelife and has raised lovely kids.

I know a few teenage mums from my home town but most were 17 or 18. One was 16. I'm obviously being a bit naive but I'm shocked at how many here are saying they were sexually active at 15.

Not the OP, but I posted my experience above. I’ve lived in three countries of the UK and travelled a bit.

I think at least he knows so it’s not really anyone else’s business. It worked out fine for you guys. As Shakespeare said “younger than she are happy mothers made”…

A school friend was buying baby clothes at 14, it’s all she wanted was a baby

Your feelings definitely change when you have a baby. You won't care as much about your career any more, and you won't want to leave your child to go on as many nights out.

You really wouldn't have been a better mother as a teen! You will be in so much more secure a situation now, much more to offer a child. You won't be "selfish" either, because, hormones! Good luck with ttc.

That is so sad. Hugs x

This is so true! Once you have a job and are contributing to society that should feel like enough. People from career driven backgrounds often feel like nothing they do will ever be good enough.

Thank you - I really needed to hear this today ❤️

You're welcome xx

We started ttc at 30 but fertility issues meant that we didn't have our first until I was 34. Second at 35, nearly 36, and 3rd at 40 following 2 m/cs.

I had been very ambitious but I compromised once our babies came along to make life work for them. Honestly trust me (and clearly you don't know me!) everything shifts when they put that little bundle into your arms. Best wishes x

Bloody Hell calm down!

@PenelopeJane91 - I think you'll really be fine. Good luck and enjoy every minute.

My ds had his first child with his gf at just 18 and that was planned. They split, he’s been going out with the current one for 5 years now, he’s nearly 26 and now has 3 children. He’s doing well for himself, works hard in a great job.

dd2 is 17 and got pregnant at 15 (she says it wasn’t planned but knowing her and how broody she is I think it was) she miscarried and I’m going to say thankfully and she says this too..because the lad was an abusive, weed smoking arsehole (still is) thankfully no longer together and she’s with someone else, just had another pregnancy scare, she isn’t.

shes now on the pill, she said that she likes the idea of having a baby but in hindsight it wouldn’t be the best thing, she’s working full time in her chosen career. She said that she would have a baby if she found herself pregnant but she’s not planning anymore. Thank god. I’d support her either way

at least 5 if her friends are either pregnant or have had babies..all aged 16, 17 and 18. It still seems to be quite common in our town, I don’t know why.

I think a lot is linked to social background though. I was pregnant at 18, gave birth at 19 so very young but I don’t feel overly different to older mothers- over a decade later still with the dad and happily married, mortgage on a nice house, didn’t get an amazing career but enjoy my job and we are comfortable, have holidays etc. I don’t think I defied any odds though because I’m from a happy and stable more ‘middle-class’ background than the girls you typically see entering very young motherhood.

I was watching an old documentary (happened to come up on TikTok and I got sucked into watching all the parts 😆) from 2004, about Britain’s youngest parents. It was so depressing. There were 2 sisters age 15 and 16 both heavily pregnant, open that they had planned it. Their own mum was only 34 (but looked a lot older). They had multiple younger siblings and were all crammed together in a tiny house on a rundown estate in Blackpool. They just seemed to have no idea that life had anything to offer beyond having babies young and replicating their own family situation. All the other girls featured on the documentary were really similar- very deprived backgrounds, came across as having low IQs and lack of education. I hope some of them are living better lives 20 years on but I doubt it.

My best friend deliberately got pregnant at 17. She felt abused and or neglected by her parents so she thought by having a child, she'd have someone who would always love her. Her son is nearly 30 now, 2 kids of his own. They are estranged now, in part by the unstable upbringing he had.

OP, this was 10 years ago, why do you think you can't tell the truth? You didn't know what a mortgage was, you didn't know what council housing was, you weren't really in a position to have and bring up a child with that level of naivety, BUT it's worked out, no regrets... except you are anonymous posting about it on the internet saying obviously you can't tell the truth even to your loved ones. You are 25, not 15. And there is a background narrative around your child as being unplanned, not ideal etc. although I'm sure of course adored by everyone now... But don't think that doesn't have an impact. It does. You were a child, it wasn't a great decision, but it has had a great outcome... you don't need to announce with a fanfare, but stop hiding and lying. You were a child, you're an adult now. You adore your planned child and have no regrets. Right?

A friend's MIL had her first at 16, relationship broke up, she married at 18 and had another three kids.

She's a really immature woman, has never had a job, in her early 60s but was looked after by her parents, then her husband.

She doesn't have special needs, just glides through life, and if her husband dies before her, one of her daughters will be taking over the responsibility - not my friend.