Cheap chocolate and presents from MIL

[nottheplan]

Mil and dhs family always buy rubbish presents and easter chocolate for our dcs. We're talking rotten own brand chocolate that nobody likes. It just gets chucked in the bin. Also cheap plastic toys from b&m in the 2 for £20 offer for birthdays and Christmas. Always break into pieces and get chucked in the bin. They are most definitely not poor. Wibu to ask them not to buy anymore for our dcs? If I phrase it that they have too much already and were trying to cut down on toys and treats?

I’m sorry if the OP feels she is getting a hard time.
Not being snobbish and unkind would fix that for her.

🤣
Honestly some of the snobs on here.

Why? Because they don’t like the bad chocolate? How does that make someone bad. If you don’t like the taste you don’t like the taste.

I don’t like red wine. Does that make me spoilt and ungrateful?

surely you are not suggesting people should just hold their breath and shovel stuff in their gob when they don’t like it.

I'd get dh to suggest you've got a lot of stuff and the kids would really like books/activity books/craft stuff/colouring books/jigsaws etc that are fairly reliable wherever they come from. And just don't stress about the chocolate. It might work fine in brownies or as the chocolate in choc chip cookies.

Tesco's chocolate is made by Hotel Chocolat . Most of the supermarket own brands are made by the bigger brands .

My mum has money, but grew up poor after her father died when she was 7 and her mother tried to support them before benefits really existed. She was a charity case.

She can't bring herself to spend excessively on toys and chocolate eggs and the like, but has saved over 25k for every grandchild in trust funds for uni or house deposits. These are things which she considers important.

We respect her decision.

My dc have always had chocolate preferences. And if it was something they didn’t like they would leave it until it went dry and white.

I certainly wasn’t going to force them to eat processed food they didn’t like. It’s not like it was good for them anyway.

one really dislikes Lindt. He’s an adult now and still doesn’t like it. Another loves Lindt but will pass on Cadbury. The other one will eat most chocolate but hates anything with praline or ganache type stuff in it. All of them dislike Hershey's. I don’t like Cadbury or lindor or anything with hazelnuts

nothing to do with snobbery. They had these preferences from before they were old enough to know brands. Two of them don’t have a sweet tooth so unless it is something they like they will pass on it.

When I was a child half of all money given to us at Christmas or for birthdays was spent on clothes, usually school uniform. It still grates over half a century later.

Also, if you think there's something wrong with Lidl or Aldi chocolates, most peoples tastebuds say otherwise. It's Nestle/Cadbury that's crap these days.

Do they only eat Heinz ketchup and Hovis bread?
No shop brands for your little darlings 😂

Its chocolate, ffs.

And theres some really good 2 for £20 toys in the likes of B&M
If your children are breaking them, thats on you, Teach them to be more careful

’My parents do better’ BS

Yes! It’s gift buying for the pleasure of the giver instead of thinking about the recipient. The worst kind of gift buyer.

What have the dc to suggest they are ungrateful exactly?

It's a shame the presents are so low quality that they disappoint the kids. I get it that it seems like an unnecessary waste and one wonders what on earth they're thinking.

But I'm sure your kids aren't expecting anything great from them by now. And another way to look at it is that it's a chance to teach your kids good manners and how to be gracious, meaning say thank you and don't hurt people's feelings or insult them by complaining about the gift they chose for you.

The etiquette I learned is that no, you can't complain about gifts to the giver or request something different instead, because you are never supposed to expect gifts in the first place, nor think you have any business telling someone else how to spend their money (including telling them not to spend the money at all). That person thought of you and got you (or your kids) something and that's all that counts (even if they aren't very good at it).

Also, in the overall scheme of things, it's simply not important. Okay, so the grandparents are terrible at picking out gifts. But is that, in itself, even the lowest score of "1" on a scale of 1-10 of what matters in life?

Op ignore the chocolate and as pp said suggest toys are left at theirs

I can see their reasoning they think I assume these toys are good and the DC will like them and into the bargain they're getting a cheap deal.

Have you/they got any savings fir them?

Could you say the toys are breaking can they keep receipts to give back because there is a quality issue. They genuinely may not know and once you tell them and it's still happening all bets are off.

I think it can feel careless and unfeeling if they're well off but always going for the bargain stuff.

Stereotype much? 🙄😆

DD isn’t some kind of no sugar MN kid, she just doesn’t have a sweet tooth and likes some chocolate and not others. Frankly I don’t believe a word of the “my kids eat any chocolate and can’t tell any difference” stuff.

Every kid I’ve ever met had preferences - likes milk chocolate but not dark, white chocolate but not smarties, after eights but not toffee, Milky Way but not Crunchie, etc etc., even back in the 80s when we all munched endless chocolate bars, kids had some things they liked and some they didn’t.

Fair enough but it’s very unusual, most kids eat chocolate no matter how cheap. So it was a safe bet to assume their grandkids were the same

Exactly this! People on here acting like everything tastes the same or that children can't possibly have different taste preferences, it's ridiculous.

There is a particularly nasty toxicity about this thread on so many levels OP. You've avoided giving your DH's views on the matter when asked. You are coming across as completely insensitive to the feelings of others, shallow, and vacuous.

It's noticeable how it's always your IL's who "get it wrong" according to your own self-appointed standards, never your parents. As a mother and a wife, barring situations such as abuse, it is your duty and responsibility to build and support your children's relationships with their wider family, not disrupt them with your own prejudices, unkindness and snobbery. As their mother you have a responsibility to raise your children to be kind, respectful and appreciative to the kindness of others, not to be petty, nasty or shut out their caring relatives because they do not fit in with your exacting "standards".

You need to stop being a Princess and start modelling basic thoughtful behaviour and decency for your children.

Yes perhaps children will have preferences for certain chocolate but, it's just seems a coincidence that the op and all of her children don't like Lidl chocolate...

I feel your pain! We had the same issue. We had that buying more stuff was important to the people buying so they spent lots of money on lots of little things. I don't really want to be swamped in stuff! I think saying something is a mistake. I do think you can make a suggestion of gifts, stressing there's no obligation. I tried to change my attitude too. I tried to see that it was a pouring out of their love for our children. Excess chocolate of any brand has been known to be turned into cake of some sort. You aren't obliged to keep everything but try not to be dismissive of it.

I just don’t buy the “all kids eat any chocolate”
stuff. Try them with some American candy! My boss is American and has a big party for families every year and gets loads of US chocolate like Hersheys and Reece’s sent over to give out to the children. The kids all hate it and politely accept a few bits which get thrown away afterwards. He ends up with tons of it left every year because it’s so grim.

Tbh £20 is not so little to spend on childrens toy!
They get bored easily.
Maybe if you stop posting about shit presentsand start playing with your own litter they would not break stuff out of boredom 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’m not sure why you feel the need to make up your own theory here?

Yet another poster making up their own agenda and theories 🤨 Did you even read my post? The part where I said I accepted it graciously? You have no clue about our family dynamics so absolutely pointless making up your own assumptions about us. It says more about you than it does me.

Nice assumptions you’re making there 🤨 There is no need for me to explain full family dynamics to anyone here. Suffice to say there’s a lot more background than giving chocolate to kids, that they don’t like and won’t eat.

If there’s more context that’s fine, and I’m glad because because you didn’t paint yourself in a good light - you specifically said that when the kids realised the presents were ‘cheap shite’ it made them feel unloved. Which makes you all sound ungrateful and mean. So instead of getting defensive maybe reflect on what you’ve said and how it comes across. People aren’t mind readers we can only go on what you’ve said