Cheap chocolate and presents from MIL

[nottheplan]

Mil and dhs family always buy rubbish presents and easter chocolate for our dcs. We're talking rotten own brand chocolate that nobody likes. It just gets chucked in the bin. Also cheap plastic toys from b&m in the 2 for £20 offer for birthdays and Christmas. Always break into pieces and get chucked in the bin. They are most definitely not poor. Wibu to ask them not to buy anymore for our dcs? If I phrase it that they have too much already and were trying to cut down on toys and treats?

Quite honestly, you painted yourself in a worse light than you say I’ve painted myself in. Absolutely nowhere in my post did I say we were ungrateful, nor did we attribute value to the price of a gift and equate that with love. There is no effort in buying a gift that you know the recipient does not like. Stop twisting my words and putting your own feelings to them. I don’t need to reflect on how I say anything. I’ve said exactly what I mean - the fact that you choose to put your own thoughts and feelings into my family is your problem, not mine.

Sounded more like they’d taken the phrase “It’s the thought that counts” to heart and so when their grandparents’ thought resulted in gifts that were thoughtless, they drew the logical conclusion that their grandparents didn’t really care but were just going through the motions.

I think we can make too much of that phrase and forget it’s mainly supposed to help people get over a gift where the giver got it wrong. But it gets trotted out all the time when it’s evident there was no thought. What we may need more of is acknowledging that gift giving is not a symbol of love for a lot of people, but just something they do because it’s expected. Their love is expressed in other ways. (Though for some families there really is just not much love).

You can’t even do snobbery right…buying cadburys instead of Lindt.

Cadburys is the Lidl version of branded chocolate, so why not just get Lidl’s if you don’t care about getting the good stuff?

@Whattodo1610”Absolutely nowhere in my post did I say were ungrateful, nor did we attribute value to the price of a gift and equate that with love”

I’m afraid you did. Maybe you should reread your posts and consider how they come across.

I've come to the conclusion that the irate posters here are buying the same for family & friends . So maybe think ahead in future, ask what the children would actually like instead of buying any old junk that you see. Put a bit of thought into presents.

Lindt is perfectly liked by the kids and would be welcome too. I don't like Lindt chocolate personally though. Everyone has different preferences.

Tell us you're a family of snobs without telling us you're a family of snobs.

Just make an Amazon wish list for your kids and send it to your MIL, OP.

Ahhh… I was starting to feel a bit sorry for you OP with the amount of negative responses, and then you post this. 🤦‍♀️😂

Or maybe have some gratitude and humility that people care enough to buy your family gifts, even if they do not always get it exactly right.

Why though? I would never buy a rubbish present for a child in school just for something to give, I always put thought into it, ask the parent what they are into etc.

I'm not buying the same but I still felt you were unreasonable. As many of us have said, Lidl/Aldi chocolate is actually decent. The poshest foodies I know buy Lidl/Aldi chocolate and dislike Cadburys. Ok, if your kids don't like it but you describing it as "rotten" is ridiculous. Many of us think it's better than Cadburys!
As for the toys, it's equally likely that they'd get bored of an expensive present within 5 minutes too (happened to us many times).
It's your attitude people disliked. Your in-laws are being kind and you came across as snobbish and ungrateful. There are plenty of gentle ways to deal with the situation such as suggesting a book your children may like or suggesting money towards a bigger present or suggesting gift ideas. This is what we do. If we get stuff they don't like, it goes to charity.
You say you give clothes or money. In my experience this isn't appreciated by younger kids. I actually had one kid cry when I bought him clothes! He said "Clothes aren't a present!". I wouldn't dare buy my teenagers clothes as only they know what's cool.

@nottheplanWhat does your dh think ?
it’s his mother who is buying the stuff.

You need to look at your attitude op. Labelling normal products that lots of people purchase and people are quite happy with as 'rotten' and 'rubbish' isn't nice. Your mil is trying to do a nice thing and maybe doesn't know exactly what brand of chocolate your child will or will not like. Likewise the toys she may have thought it was something they'd like. It's nasty you having this opinion of her.

Also how many wooden toys are out there? I know my kids had wooden toys and to be honest they didn't play with them. They liked the other stuff! And books etc.

Because they probably DID put thought into it, and they are probably pleased with the toys they have chosen for your children. It’s highly unlikely they picked up the first thing they saw and thought “I’ll just give them any old rubbish”. They don’t HAVE to give your children presents for Easter and spending £20 certainly isn’t nothing, I wouldn’t spend that much without giving it any thought.
If you can’t stand to have toys from B&M in your house, give them to charity. Instead you chose to start a nasty thread about them online.

‘They are definitely not poor’. I hate that attitude so much. Just because someone has money, doesn’t mean they have to indulge in high end items. There’s a reason they have ‘wealth’ however you define it - it’s because they don’t spend hundreds on stuff and B&M and Lidl are perfectly acceptable. It would be different if you said ‘MIL buys SILs kids Lego and mine B&M tat’.

I really didn’t. Maybe you should read my post again. Read the words, not between the lines.

@nottheplan no, I’ve never bought anyone Lidl chocolate as a gift, or a cheap plastic toy…but I don’t think it’s particularly significant either or a hallmark of not being cared about/your dc not being cared about and I’m sorry for you that you do.

I agree it’s not the chocolate or the gifts but more the lack of thought/knowing the tastes of their GC is the issue. My eldest dd has eating issues and isn’t much of a fan of any Easter eggs but likes certain small boxes of chocolate (ironically she likes Lidl) or a small bag of jelly sweets. My DM still buys her a generic Cadbury egg. Youngest has allergies I always make sure there’s lots of options they can get if they want but not the allergy ones. Yep still a high chance that’s what comes. I always have a stock of back ups for both. Then give out or bake with the others.

It’s exactly this. In my case, IL’s knew dc didn’t like the particular chocolate they kept buying as gifts. Why would you keep buying the same chocolate knowing your gc don’t like it. It’s not just thoughtless, it’s mean and vindictive. It’s just horrible.

I have experienced this. In the end, it’s best to accept their crap gifts with a gracious thank you then bin them when they break, replace the cheap nasty chocolate with decent stuff etc. it’s not worth the hassle of confronting them. Believe me - been there , done it.

PS - unlike some other posters, I don’t think you’re being ungrateful all. I’ve had years of awful, utter shite B&M/Home Bargain Christmas gifts from one member of extended family. It’s lazy and thoughtless.

I encourage vouchers. A specific shop or the cinema : or credit for whatever gaming thing they’re into

Your poor MIL. I feel really sorry for her. You sound incredibly grabby.