My friend says I walk like a penguin

[Helpmeout99]

Back story: We have been friends for 20years, having met through our husbands, and can have a lovely, fun time when together. My friend has struggled with her temper in the past and has form for being a bit unkind then apologising after so we carry on- this behaviour has improved as she has got older and had children. She is less judgemental than she was now she is a mum herself, however she still has a tendency to feel life is harder for her and that she gets a raw deal whereas im quite a positive and upbeat person. This in the past has annoyed her and she has told me so.
last week it was her birthday and I took her out for afternoon tea and we then went shopping. I felt bad for her as she didnt find anything nice to buy and has been feeling down about her body as she has put on a lot of weight in the last few years and I just want her to feel good about herself.
Fast forward to a couple of days ago and we were out for a walk with our youngest children who are 6, when her daughter told me “mummy laughs at you for walking like a penguin” I said what do you mean and she repeated it and did a funny walk. I am not aware that I walk oddly and if I do feel that it is not kind to make fun of me for it. I called my friend who was walking ahead and said what her child had just said and she laughed and said well u do then added “shall I pull the knife out of your back now?” I was shocked but she then started talking about something else before adding that I walk with my feet at ten to two..
she text me later to say it was lovely to see me and did I want to go out for my birthday this week?
I feel really hurt that I know she laughs at me and makes comments, albeit stupid ones, behind my back. I would never make a comment or talk badly behind my friends backs and she knows this. I think the reason I feel so hurt is I feel used, ive taken her out for her birthday, I pick up her daughter from school twice a week and take her swimming and to brownies with my little girl and here she is taking the piss out of me! I go out of my way to be a good friend and help her with childcare, invite her over regularly for girls nights and bbqs and the invites are never returned.
she tells me im her best friend but honestly I feel im being used and made fun of.
Am I being unreasonable and completely ridiculous to feel so upset and strongly over this stupid comment? Do I need to give my head a wobble and accept that she can be great fun and just has a side when in that kind of mood or do I move on from this friendship?

I would end the friendship. She’s no friend, she just wants to belittle others to make herself feel good. What a bitch.

She sounds like a horrible person and a user. I'd be done.

Yes I think that is how feel, this comment has made me feel really shitty about myself and I feel stupid for feeling bad about her struggling with her body and how she looks when she is taking the piss out of me and my body.

I'd cool the friendship. Give your head some space to decide if you want her in your life. You seem to give alot into this friendship.

I'd be focusing on other friendships, activities and not helping her out whilst I ponder if being mocked is worth it (tbh it isn't worth it ,she belittles you to make herself feel better)

Even without the comment she sounds like a user rather than a friend.

It sounds like there’s a huge backstory and she’s been nasty in the past but less so recently, albeit a really weird stupid comment. What do you get out of the friendship? What are her good points? If you can’t answer those questions then yep the friendship is over, if you can answer those at the very least you need to make it known that you are hurt and that’s not how friendships work. I would decline the birthday meet-up suggestion.

I feel im being used and made fun of

Because that's exactly what's happening. This is not a friendship.

"Shall I pull the knife out of your back now?"
says it all really.

YANBU - it was a hutfull personal remark made behind your back and she somehow thinks its OK to talk about you like this? She is not a real friend; bin her off.

YANBU, she sounds like a user who bitches about you. Does she do you any favours?

I would definitely stop picking up her daughter and taking her to swimming and brownies.

I would see this as the end of a friendship. Doesn’t matter if you’ve been friends 20 years, if she’s nasty and back stabbing I would end it with her, especially if she’s bad mouthing you to her daughter! Very toxic. Sorry OP

I wouldn't be bothering with her anymore and why do you do so much for her?

CF is really not your friend. In a way her DC has done you a favour in revealing what your friend is really like. She's using you for childcare and being bitchy behind your back. Find nicer friends and stop with the childcare !

She's an arsehole. I can't stand the "I tell it like it is, I don't sugar coat things" crowd. It's just a excuse to be an absolute cunt. Do yourself a favour and ditch her. She's a user and you deserve better.

What a nasty person.

As pp said she is trying to make herself feel better by being nasty to you.

Laughing about you behind your back -and with her children! - is a horrible thing to do. Even if she wasn't supposed to be your friend it's just nasty behaviour.

I wouldn't want to have anything to do with her after this.

Incidentally I've had workman laugh at me and mimic my walk in the past. And I can't bear to see myself on my security camera footage because all I can see is my funny walk. So I can understand how hurtful her comment was.

Drop her. She should have apologised unreservedly. Well she should never have commented at all in such a personal way about you but given she did, she should have completely apologised.

By the way, you sound lovely and I'd love to have a friend like you ❤️

There’s a big leap here that it was meant maliciously, which isn’t necessarily the case with younger children involved.

It’s pretty common to add short descriptions to people to make them easier to remember / distinguish between. We do it all the time without noticing. Eg. Claire, the one whose husband wears those yellow trainers; tall Matt, nanny Sarah etc. it could be as simple as that being the descriptor that came to mind. In itself it’s an observation not a nasty comment.

(and if you walk behind someone who walks with ten to two feet it’s really noticeable to some people).

Before you write off a long-standing friendship, take a pause and consider whether you think it’s really malice or if it’s just tactless. You may respond to the two differently.

She’s a bitch. She’s also ridiculous and attention seeking. I really couldn’t be bothered with someone who sulked because they couldn’t find anything they wanted to buy. In fact I couldn’t be bothered with someone who sulked.

I think because I only work three days a week, whereas she does 4, so can help with pick ups and know that if I didnt take her daughter to swimming and brownies that she would not get back in time from work to take her. I would feel very bad for her little girl by saying I couldn’t take her anymore- like I was punishing her for her mother’s nasty comment.
I am generally quite giving and motherly I guess in nature, I am a Nurse so my career is based on helping others and I enjoy it…. But not when I feel the piss is being taken.

I’d unpick what’s actually going on here. Why have you been offering her so many ‘services’ for years, given that you don’t seem to much like her, and acknowledge that she has a history of being judgemental and unkind? Doing childcare for someone or taking them out etc has never stopped that person behaving in a particular way, so I’m not sure why you’re surprised your friend has been unkind about your gait to her DD?

The child’s parent/s can take her to swimming and brownies. They will work it out, you don’t need to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

But are you expecting your friend to act in a particular way in return? There’s a slight tone of Lady Bountiful being annoyed that the pauper she’s helping has been ‘ungrateful’? I don’t mean that unpleasantly. It’s just that often these friendship ‘services’ come with strings attached, even if those strings are unconscious ones.

Tell her she walks like a twat and then block her.

Oh don't be ridiculous

Yeah I think thats a fair comment. The reason why I have stayed friends is I also see the good in her, we can have a lovely time when together and I genuinely enjoy her company. I have always forgiven and nasty comments in the past because she will apologise- It is like she knows she has that side and lets herself down at times. As she has got older and had children she has controlled her anger so much better so I think this comment just felt like a shock and a stab in the back.