My friend says I walk like a penguin

[Helpmeout99]

Back story: We have been friends for 20years, having met through our husbands, and can have a lovely, fun time when together. My friend has struggled with her temper in the past and has form for being a bit unkind then apologising after so we carry on- this behaviour has improved as she has got older and had children. She is less judgemental than she was now she is a mum herself, however she still has a tendency to feel life is harder for her and that she gets a raw deal whereas im quite a positive and upbeat person. This in the past has annoyed her and she has told me so.
last week it was her birthday and I took her out for afternoon tea and we then went shopping. I felt bad for her as she didnt find anything nice to buy and has been feeling down about her body as she has put on a lot of weight in the last few years and I just want her to feel good about herself.
Fast forward to a couple of days ago and we were out for a walk with our youngest children who are 6, when her daughter told me “mummy laughs at you for walking like a penguin” I said what do you mean and she repeated it and did a funny walk. I am not aware that I walk oddly and if I do feel that it is not kind to make fun of me for it. I called my friend who was walking ahead and said what her child had just said and she laughed and said well u do then added “shall I pull the knife out of your back now?” I was shocked but she then started talking about something else before adding that I walk with my feet at ten to two..
she text me later to say it was lovely to see me and did I want to go out for my birthday this week?
I feel really hurt that I know she laughs at me and makes comments, albeit stupid ones, behind my back. I would never make a comment or talk badly behind my friends backs and she knows this. I think the reason I feel so hurt is I feel used, ive taken her out for her birthday, I pick up her daughter from school twice a week and take her swimming and to brownies with my little girl and here she is taking the piss out of me! I go out of my way to be a good friend and help her with childcare, invite her over regularly for girls nights and bbqs and the invites are never returned.
she tells me im her best friend but honestly I feel im being used and made fun of.
Am I being unreasonable and completely ridiculous to feel so upset and strongly over this stupid comment? Do I need to give my head a wobble and accept that she can be great fun and just has a side when in that kind of mood or do I move on from this friendship?

May I just say I heart penguins? I would be proud to call you my friend ❤️

I was going to say much the same thing!!

Also not wanting to derail but it is important @Helpmeout99

EDIT: sorry I posted to hastily and I've only just read your reply. Personally, I'd still get it checked out by someone qualified just in case there is any truth to it because it can lead to a lot of problems in the future.

shes talking about herself

That’s because you’re a good person, OP, and your so called friend is less so.

Does she ever show her appreciation for all that you do for her?

My best friend and I take the piss out of each other constantly. The difference is we don’t do it behind the others back.

Op don't internalise it, some people are just fixated on stuff like this and it says a lot more about them. We all have our quirks, like I said your friends quirk is being dickheaded.

One-sided friendship and she bitches about you behind your back. Not a good combo for a friendship and actually damaging to your self esteem to put up with this.

I expect she's very envious of you and your people pleasing, as a previous poster mentioned, may be due to you unconsciously trying to placate a difficult person to be 'nice' to you. As you have found it doesn't work. She knows you don't bite so says what she likes.

The length of the friendship doesn't matter. It's how you feel when you see her, does she lift you up or drag you down? I don't think you have much to lose by putting her in her place. As the great Helen Mirren said a few well placed f**k offs might not go amiss. She'll either behave better or flounce.

She isn't your friend. Friends don't drag you down like this. I've had so called friends like this before and I've just let them go. They don't bring any light to your life.

I can be your penguin friend 🤣🤣

She has been unkind to you for years and you've put up with it to save your friendship, she thinks there are no boundaries now and can say whatever nasty comments that enters her head and it will all be forgiven. She sounds jealous and a user, playing on your good heart to taxi her daughter around and whatever else she manages to get you to do. She's no friend

She does tell me she doesnt know what she would do without me and what good friends we are and nice stuff but then occasionally the nasty comments slip out 🤷🏼‍♀️
I dont need or expect anything other than the occasional thanks for the picks ups and childcare as I offered and im glad to be able to help but I do expect not to be made fun of x

I once got told by an old friend i look and walk like a pregnant woman.
I eat like a pregnant woman.
I replied with better to look it than be it unlike some that pop them out for money.

Now i wouldnt have said it but i had had it with her stupid comments for months little digs here and there about my size.

I do look about 4 months pregnant for about a week before im due on i bloat.
After i said what i said she said i was very rude bla bla bla i said oh dear me did i touched a nerve blocked and that was that.
It was years ago but i still think it was a great come back in the moment.

This is different and I can easily laugh at myself and do not take myself seriously at all but this was behind my back and that is what makes the difference.x

I had a flashback reading your thread title to when someone said those exact words to me in school, complete with demonstratory waddle.

It has been thirty years since then and I can still remember how much that got to me! I was paranoid about how I was walking for ages. Comments like that are so cruel because they niggle at you for such a long time.

I agree that this is nothing like normal friendly teasing. You only joke about things the other person is going to laugh at.

Just don't take it on board, if she is fun to be around mostly and you like her company mostly then crack on. I don't understand why ppl are so sensitive, I am sure I am annoying to losts of ppl but so what I wouldn't deliberately hurt someone, am supportive and a good listener, I am unlikely to change.

Eh?

tell her you're too busy to meet up for your Birthday
You're going to the zoo
to watch the penguins.

She'll get the message.

Either you walk like a penguin in which you say “yes, yes I do” Or, you don’t walk like a penguin and you say “that’s silly, no I don’t” why would you say that?

TBH if this is the worst she has done, mucking about with her daughter, it’s hardly the crime of the century. Tell her how much it upset you and let her understand what she has done.

If there are lots of other things she does, re-evaluate the friendship. In any event, cut back on the one sided favours as that never ends well.

I think the penguin comment is the least of your problems with her. She's a C.F. Using you for free childcare \ taxi service.

Get rid. She's unkind and a user. She doesn't even like you.

It’s usually bitter and jealous people who behave like this. Keep at arm’s length

Full disclosure: I also have 'ten to two' feet 😁I was really self-conscious about it when I was a kid thanks to an obnoxious school gate mum loudly pointing it out.

Anyway. When I initially started reading your post, I thought 'Oh, that was something that was probably said really lightly to a child and it's just massively unfortunate that the child didn't know she shouldn't pass it on, just forget about it' but then your friend's reaction, and the other things you've told us about her, have changed my view on this. She does sound unpleasant.

I think most people have probably said something about a friend, even if it's just meant as an affectionate observation of one of their quirks, that we wouldn't say in front of them. Occasionally it comes back to bite us on the arse when it gets overheard or, as in this case, repeated by a kid who doesn't know any better. But I think most of us, in that situation, would be utterly mortified and apologise profusely and beg to be forgiven for being such a dick - whereas your friend bloody doubled down on it! What a cow.

Does she have many other friends?

I can’t imagine she does.

I’m also interested to know this OP. Has she fallen out with everyone over the years?

She clearly doesn't deserve you as a friend, OP. However we're advised to walk like penguins in the icy weather to prevent falling, so I think you should stick with her until the winter when you can have a good laugh at her landing on her arse.

This is actually worse than the penguin thing op. It is clear from a distant perspective that not only is she jealous of you, she also despises you for the attributes she can only dream of having. The living in a little bubble comment is dreadful and full of disdain. I would distance myself and surround myself with lovely kind people like yourself. She needs you more than you need her by the sounds of it. Also she sounds as though she would benefit from therapy to address how her insecurities are affecting her relationships.