My friend says I walk like a penguin

[Helpmeout99]

Back story: We have been friends for 20years, having met through our husbands, and can have a lovely, fun time when together. My friend has struggled with her temper in the past and has form for being a bit unkind then apologising after so we carry on- this behaviour has improved as she has got older and had children. She is less judgemental than she was now she is a mum herself, however she still has a tendency to feel life is harder for her and that she gets a raw deal whereas im quite a positive and upbeat person. This in the past has annoyed her and she has told me so.
last week it was her birthday and I took her out for afternoon tea and we then went shopping. I felt bad for her as she didnt find anything nice to buy and has been feeling down about her body as she has put on a lot of weight in the last few years and I just want her to feel good about herself.
Fast forward to a couple of days ago and we were out for a walk with our youngest children who are 6, when her daughter told me “mummy laughs at you for walking like a penguin” I said what do you mean and she repeated it and did a funny walk. I am not aware that I walk oddly and if I do feel that it is not kind to make fun of me for it. I called my friend who was walking ahead and said what her child had just said and she laughed and said well u do then added “shall I pull the knife out of your back now?” I was shocked but she then started talking about something else before adding that I walk with my feet at ten to two..
she text me later to say it was lovely to see me and did I want to go out for my birthday this week?
I feel really hurt that I know she laughs at me and makes comments, albeit stupid ones, behind my back. I would never make a comment or talk badly behind my friends backs and she knows this. I think the reason I feel so hurt is I feel used, ive taken her out for her birthday, I pick up her daughter from school twice a week and take her swimming and to brownies with my little girl and here she is taking the piss out of me! I go out of my way to be a good friend and help her with childcare, invite her over regularly for girls nights and bbqs and the invites are never returned.
she tells me im her best friend but honestly I feel im being used and made fun of.
Am I being unreasonable and completely ridiculous to feel so upset and strongly over this stupid comment? Do I need to give my head a wobble and accept that she can be great fun and just has a side when in that kind of mood or do I move on from this friendship?

It's hurtful. Do you think she actually knows that is hurtful and not considered ok to do this?
She reminds me of one of my good friends who I really do treasure but who can say some very negative things while in a mood and does not regulate well. Sometimes she genuinely does not understand why something is hurtful. She dies not intend malice. Pp mentioned that it there's a lot of internal negativity it can seem just normal.
In your situation I would not punish the child but I would talk to your friend and say that it really sucks to hear that, etc. See if she can come to understand. Ultimately you may end up pulling back somewhat anyway but it may not be malice or intent to hurt.

You sound like a fantastic friend! I missed the point of your thread entirely as I was too busy wishing I had a friend like you, genuinely. I don’t have any friends (due to my life circumstances making it impossible to meet people) yet there’s people like this woman treating decent, solid gold friends like you, so terribly. Life is unfair! I don’t think I’ve ever been ‘taken out‘ by a friend anywhere, ever! I’ve been used a lot by a 20+ year ‘bestie’ and tolerated by others but that’s about it - so take my advice with a pinch of salt….!

You need to, at the very least, have a decent chat with her about why she feels the need to disrespect you and make it clear how much it hurts you. Then if she does it again, sack her off. Though tbh, I’d walk away now; however perhaps that’s why I have no friends now?! Hmmm

Are you always so disingenuous?

I would tell her exactly what you've said here. Remind her of all that you do for her and tell her that you're hurt and disappointed that she talks badly of you behind your back. Then watch her response. You'll know immediately if she's honestly sorry and reflective or if she's just a mean user. Then you can decide. But make sure she knows how she's made you feel.

You are being used and made fun of.
She is no friend. She is a classic mean girl

She has fallen out with friends in the past and has a couple of long term ones which she has said no so nice things to me about in passing which has always made me feel uncomfortable. She must recognise that I dont do the same about my other friends. I will say she is very jealous of my other friendships which I have found strange as we are both in our late 30s early 40s 🤷🏼‍♀️

she text me later to say it was lovely to see me and did I want to go out for my birthday this week?

"Thanks for the offer, but I am off to Antarctica to celebrate with my real friends 🐧"

Brilliant 😁

Thank u, true friends are hard to come by and I think the world of mine xx most people I think that we call friends are probably more acquaintances x xthank u for taking the time to respond xx

It's flat turnout from the hips that makes it easy to do ballet, - ie being able to sit in the lotus position or frog position, and do the sideways splits. The whole leg rotates outwards from the hip socket. 🙂

I know a few professional ballet dancers, and they do walk funny.

Yes, that's true, but the feet just remind me of the start position, turnout?

I remember my ballet teacher shouting TEN TO TWO, GIIIIIRLS!! TEN TO TWOOOOOO!!

😂

Exactly. But what a lot of (not very good) recreational ballet teachers forget to tell their students is that it is the whole leg they are supposed to be turning out, not just the feet. That puts a strain on both the ankle joint and the knee, which is unhelpful at best, and can cause permanent joint damage at worst. The thing is, of course, that the overwhelming majority of people do not have hip sockets which facilitate full turnout, which is not ten to two, but a quarter to three...

.......time for me to stop questioning why I feel like I need a hip replacement at 52😫