My friend says I walk like a penguin

[Helpmeout99]

Back story: We have been friends for 20years, having met through our husbands, and can have a lovely, fun time when together. My friend has struggled with her temper in the past and has form for being a bit unkind then apologising after so we carry on- this behaviour has improved as she has got older and had children. She is less judgemental than she was now she is a mum herself, however she still has a tendency to feel life is harder for her and that she gets a raw deal whereas im quite a positive and upbeat person. This in the past has annoyed her and she has told me so.
last week it was her birthday and I took her out for afternoon tea and we then went shopping. I felt bad for her as she didnt find anything nice to buy and has been feeling down about her body as she has put on a lot of weight in the last few years and I just want her to feel good about herself.
Fast forward to a couple of days ago and we were out for a walk with our youngest children who are 6, when her daughter told me “mummy laughs at you for walking like a penguin” I said what do you mean and she repeated it and did a funny walk. I am not aware that I walk oddly and if I do feel that it is not kind to make fun of me for it. I called my friend who was walking ahead and said what her child had just said and she laughed and said well u do then added “shall I pull the knife out of your back now?” I was shocked but she then started talking about something else before adding that I walk with my feet at ten to two..
she text me later to say it was lovely to see me and did I want to go out for my birthday this week?
I feel really hurt that I know she laughs at me and makes comments, albeit stupid ones, behind my back. I would never make a comment or talk badly behind my friends backs and she knows this. I think the reason I feel so hurt is I feel used, ive taken her out for her birthday, I pick up her daughter from school twice a week and take her swimming and to brownies with my little girl and here she is taking the piss out of me! I go out of my way to be a good friend and help her with childcare, invite her over regularly for girls nights and bbqs and the invites are never returned.
she tells me im her best friend but honestly I feel im being used and made fun of.
Am I being unreasonable and completely ridiculous to feel so upset and strongly over this stupid comment? Do I need to give my head a wobble and accept that she can be great fun and just has a side when in that kind of mood or do I move on from this friendship?

God I wish I had the balls or quick thinking to do that lol x

she would be incredibly upset and I just could never do that for that exact reason x

Totally agree!

She actually told you that it annoys her that you are a positive and upbeat person? Wow.
You sound absolutely lovely, and from a fellow person with a funny walk, the question you need to ask yourself is do you really need someone in your life who moans to and about you, or are you just hanging on because you think it's the nice thing to do. (Ive made the same mistake myself!) She sounds like she's struggling a bit, but she's not a teenager, and displaying bullying behaviours in front of her daughter just shows she isn't a thoughtful or nice person, she isn't growing up and she's letting it affect you.

What a lovely friend. Tell her she walks like a dickhead.

Yes we had gone away for the weekend and I was trying to jolly her out of a mood and hse turned on me and told me that I didnt have a clue about real life and lived in a stupid little bubble. I pointed out that as a Nurse on a critical care ward who had to regularly deliver bad news to relatives, see the highs and lows or recovery… or not then perform last offices on patient’s that I felt I had a very good grip on reality and what is important. At this point I was a Mum of three young children and she had none- we had planned this weekend for ages and I was determined to enjoy and make the most of it. I truly believe that Life is what you make it. After the holiday she apologised and asked If I would ever go away with her again and I said no and have stuck to that. I should have probably ended the friendship then but am a massive people pleaser and tend to tolerate more than I probably should- this is something im actively working on.

I've been told I walk like a penguin / waddle/ walk 'funny'.

I've always wondered what people meant and have considered getting some kind of professional opinion on my gait. I have remembered each time someone has commented though and it is hurtful. I can't help the way I walk! That said, it doesn't stop being able to lead a normal life so I'm not sure it needs addressing particularly.

I'm sorry that your friend has been laughing behind your back, it's cruel and unnecessary and those sorts of comments can live with you for a long time.

There's loads of reasons for it, if you people watch loads of people have funny gaits anyway. As long as you aren't tripping a lot or struggling with stamina. (obviously see a doc if you are).

This woman is no friend and sounds like she embodies the phrase ‘misery loves company’. Don’t give that to her- ditch!

I agree with the PP who said she takes the OP's kindness as weakness.

I have one leg shorter than the other following a major accident and a limp. I definitely am very noticeably limpy and wobbly. I'd be terribly hurt if someone said that about me.

She isn't a friend IMO. I'm not sure how I would be able to get past the nastiness tbh.

Exactly! I feel that im lucky to have legs that work and take me where I want them, so even if its in a funny way, im grateful they do what I need them to lol 😂

The OP picks up the 'friend's' child from school twice a week and takes her to swimming and brownies. If by some stretch the child is struggling to remember who the OP is surely that would make a better description 'you know so and so mums who took you to swimming last night and every other week' rather than 'the woman that walks like a penguin, ha-ha'.

I echo your sentiment at just being glad your legs work
As I said, I was born with CP, and my DPs were told I’d probably never walk.
At 21/2 I took my first steps and at 60, I am still mobile, although need a walker thing now.

She has self-esteem issues that she is taking out on you.

To be generous to her, sometimes when people’s own inner dialogue is very negative and they think horrible things to themselves in their own heads daily, the negativity can become a bit normalised for them and they forget that these words have serious impact on others.

I guess what I’m coming to is, if you think she’s worth a second chance, you could be honest with her about how hurt you are to find that while you show her respect and kindness, she mocks and disrespects you in return. Spell it out for her and see if she will apologise and sort herself out.

If though, you have known her long enough now and think there is no changing her, YANBU to pull back from this friendship.

Give her a penguin slap 🫣

I would start pulling away from her, still do the child pick ups etc if it suits you but make yourself less available to the mother, I’m sure she will know why
I couldn’t be bothered with temperamental women, you never know when their mood will change and they will turn and take it out on someone, way way too much hard work, she needs to learn that not everyone is willing to put up with her nastiness

My DH walks with his feet at 10 and 2. The only people who’ve ever even thought to comment on this are his fucking awful, cruel, horrendous, shitty, shitty, shitty parents.

I can’t image ever making a mocking comment about a friend. I’m not sure I’ve ever made one about anyone!

People have quirks that make them unique. It’s endearing! Sticky out ears that remind you of an uncle, a tuft of hair that looks silly if it gets long, an odd choice of hats - it sticks in your head and you love it because you love them.

Well, it’s bad enough making fun of your walk behind your back, but doing it in front of her child is awful.
Good friendships can have an element of faux leg-pulling - my closest friend jokes about how her own father once casually remarked that she had a “fussy” walk, which still tickles her- and so sometimes when we’re walking I’ll say “come on Princess Tippytoes, get a wiggle on” etc, and we have a giggle about it. But that’s a totally different kettle of fish to what this woman seems to be doing. I would never ever spitefully mock her walk or anything about her looks and mannerisms because she’s a dear FRIEND and I LIKE her so why would I? Friends don’t behave like that.
This woman sounds like she’s insecure in herself, the weight gain has exacerbated that, and being spiteful about your physical traits is a rather warped way of making her feel better about her own. YANBU to be hurt and considering she has form for being a less than pleasant person anyway, I’d be distancing myself a bit. You can still take the children to their clubs/classes if it makes you feel better, and you feel that you should, but don’t feel any obligation to do anything with her socially.

She doesn’t respect you. If you want the friendship to continue you need to get angry about it to show it’s not something you accept. And then she needs to feel some remorse.

I just so strange to me to feel the need to say something like this. I would never mock my friends as I care about them and want them to feel good about themselves and not shitty! X

100% this 🙌🙌

Thank you x

Did you do ballet as a kid, OP?

I've noticed that people who did sometimes walk or sit with their feet turned out.

Supple ankles and all that.

Nice thought but no- it appears I just walk like a penguin naturally 🤣🤣🥴