To think my friend overreacted? Air BNB situation

[userfriendly55]

The weekend before last my friend and I went to London to see a show and have a bit of a girly weekend, we do this quite often. I have an airbnb account, she doesn’t, so I usually book an airbnb (after consulting with her) and she pays me half.

I am quite fastidious with cleaning them as I don’t want to lose my rating, so we always make sure the place is spotless before we leave.

The place we stayed in was a 1 bedroom maisonette but spread over 2 floors. We agreed I would have the bedroom as I have a chronic health condition. She slept downstairs on the sofa bed. There was an upstairs bathroom and downstairs toilet. All happy with this when we booked.

We were getting ready to leave on the Sunday and we had all cleaned up. Literally about to go out the door. My friend said she needed to use the toilet before we left and went to go upstairs. I asked her why she was going upstairs, and she said the downstairs toilet wasn’t flushing properly, and she was on her period. I told her not to go upstairs because I had just checked/cleaned the bathroom upstairs and didn’t want to have to do it again. She got annoyed and we had a bit of a discussion before she conceded and used the downstairs toilet after I told her that she’d have to flush it a couple of times.

We left and all was fine but she has been a bit off with me since in our conversations. We had a good time and haven’t argued about anything else this is the only thing that there was an issue about. So it must be the toilet thing that she is cross about ?

Was I unreasonable??

Sorry you are acting so unreasonably. You have answers for everything people are trying to say. You clearly think you are in the right. You say right here that you get disability benefits so need the (let's face it) better setup yet you don't offer to pay any more. This is all before you made your friend leave the place spotless and then dictate which toilets she is allowed to use. I'm surprised she has been on more than one trip with you and can't believe she still wants to be friends. You are not being a nice person let alone a friend.

Yes YABU, you were rude and insulting. It is a social norm that you would use a bathroom, whether at an Air BNB, a hotel, a friend’s house, wherever, and leave it looking like you haven’t even been in there. You have blatantly told your friend that you think she is unaware of and/or doesn’t follow social norms.

As for the cost of the accommodation, she didn’t ask if she could pay less than half because you got the bedroom, because it would have been rude of her to say that. It would have been polite of you to offer to pay more than half.

I had a friend like you once. Had. She still thinks I'm unreasonable and has zero awareness of how much she was trying to dictate my actions all the time. Are you her?

I don't understand why anyone uses air bnbs any more with all of these ridiculous stipulations! Fuck having to waste precious holiday time doing a deep clean as you are terrified that the host may rate you down. Air bnb's are mostly the same price as hotels these days, why on earth would you bother yourself with the extra stress?

Also, I bet if she tried to do the same thing to you you'd hate it. What makes you better than her?

Your friend paid half the fee to sleep on a sofa bed while you get your on bedroom. You dictated to your friend what toilet dhe shoild use before leaving. What kind of a friend are you?

You sound controlling and no doubt used your health condition to ensure you got the bedroom. Your friend shoild not have paid half for having to sleep on a sofa bed in a communal area.

You should have booked a 2 bedroom Air BNB.

The least you can do is apologise to your friend for your behaviour and how you treated her. It was her night away too and you made it all about you.

YABU.

She paid her money the same as you so fully entitled to use ALL facilities.
Did you always use the upstairs toilet ? Probably not.
If I was your friend I’d be pissed of with you as welll, monitoring were I pee. It’s like being back at school having to justify to the teacher why you need to be let out of class to the toilet.

You were definitely unreasonable dictating where she can use the toilet. Just say to make sure the toilet is left clean when she is finished if you are that concerned about your rating. It is the owner's responsibility to ensure it is clean for the next guests- not yours!

You should pay more for getting the bedroom.
There is always a cleaning fee on Airbnb so absolutely no need to clean the place

Of course YABU. Having a period doesnt automatically mean= leaving the toilet in a complete state. Most of us manage not to wreck toilets whilst on a period.

I am not surprised your friend is annoyed with you, policing her like that.

Every AirBnB I’ve stayed in hasn’t had these stipulations. Normally it’s empty the bins, put away any washing up, used tools in a pile and beds stripped. We’re talking a 5 minute job. Not scrub the toilets!
OP is massively BU. Did you think the entire first floor was only for your use and your friend had no business going upstairs?

Same, surely no one is as self righteous, selfish and totally batshit crazy as the OP in real life? Am assuming this was her only friend!!

Most of them don't stipulate leaving the place 'spotless' though, that's something the op has decided to do. I've stayed in multiple air b n bs and only ever had stipulations like, please take the rubbish out and put the dishwasher on. I've never done anything beyond a basic clean and never had an issue

Plenty people like that sadly! Hope her friend distances herself from the OP as it doesn't seem likely the OP will see the error of her ways. Wish the friend knew we all had her back!

If you'd have to check the toilet after her anyway, why would it matter which one she used?

If I was your friend I would never, ever go away with you again.

You are treating her like she's some kind of animal that is incapable of keeping a toilet clean or knowing about basic levels of hygiene. How insulting inspecting toilets after she's used them and dictating where she should go.

Good grief.

Yes! This is weird and controlling - I’d feel very uncomfortable if I was your friend aswell.

Op I'm not trying to take away from you being unwell but you say you need easy access to a loo, I'm sure the other loo can also be reached by you if you had slept downstairs and what illness means you need a 'proper bed' if you're well enough to stay out in air bnbs then I'm sure the odd sofa bed is fine. You want the main bed. You don't need it , you simply use being unwell to ensure you get what you want.

YABU I would have been so pissed off if I’d been spoken to/treated like that. Embarrassing behaviour on your part.

Of course people would clean the loo. They wouldn’t feel the need to clean it after it’s already been cleaned just because an adult has used it. YABVU

Don't they charge a cleaning fee? I thought that was one of the features of booking through Airbnb. Why would anyone pay to stay somewhere that you have to have super high cleaning skills and spend your holiday doing that?

Give me a total room any day, part of going away is to escape daily drudgery for me

Have you mentioned the dodgy toilets in your feedback?

This is the kind of thing my husband would do, so definitely unreasonable and weird. She had an equal right to use the property as she paid half

Yes, and your benefits are to pay for anything extra you need due to your disability.
I have arthritis so definitely need a bed, but in this situation I would either book a place with 2 bedrooms and split cost equally or proactively offer to pay a bit more, rather than expecting my friend to ask. And this extra would be covered by my PIP.
As others have said, I think your friend is very kind and you are very unreasonable.
But you dint really seem to want genuine opinions, you just seem to have come on here wanting people to agree with you.

And the air bnb rating thing really isn't a big deal. I always leave them tidy and do a quick hoover/sweep, but I definitely don't do a full clean, as they will clean anyway. And I have a perfect rating!

Totally unreasonable. Not sure you see it though.

Who made you her boss/mum?! She's a grown adult and can use whichever toilet she wants.

"No need" for her to go upstairs? Why would it even cross your mind that you get to dictate that?