Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend overreacted? Air BNB situation

382 replies

userfriendly55 · 22/04/2025 22:24

The weekend before last my friend and I went to London to see a show and have a bit of a girly weekend, we do this quite often. I have an airbnb account, she doesn’t, so I usually book an airbnb (after consulting with her) and she pays me half.

I am quite fastidious with cleaning them as I don’t want to lose my rating, so we always make sure the place is spotless before we leave.

The place we stayed in was a 1 bedroom maisonette but spread over 2 floors. We agreed I would have the bedroom as I have a chronic health condition. She slept downstairs on the sofa bed. There was an upstairs bathroom and downstairs toilet. All happy with this when we booked.

We were getting ready to leave on the Sunday and we had all cleaned up. Literally about to go out the door. My friend said she needed to use the toilet before we left and went to go upstairs. I asked her why she was going upstairs, and she said the downstairs toilet wasn’t flushing properly, and she was on her period. I told her not to go upstairs because I had just checked/cleaned the bathroom upstairs and didn’t want to have to do it again. She got annoyed and we had a bit of a discussion before she conceded and used the downstairs toilet after I told her that she’d have to flush it a couple of times.

We left and all was fine but she has been a bit off with me since in our conversations. We had a good time and haven’t argued about anything else this is the only thing that there was an issue about. So it must be the toilet thing that she is cross about ?

Was I unreasonable??

OP posts:
afig · 23/04/2025 03:39

I don't think you're expected to obsessively clean these places. Even if they don't have a professional cleaner, so what? If you'd just cleaned it, I doubt it would need cleaning again after one use.

Yes, you probably offended or annoyed her. It's funny that you think she overreacted when you're the one who essentially told her she couldn't use whichever toilet she preferred. People tend not to like that. Now you know.

CalleOcho · 23/04/2025 03:49

My friend said she needed to use the toilet before we left and went to go upstairs. I asked her why she was going upstairs, and she said the downstairs toilet wasn’t flushing properly, and she was on her period. I told her not to go upstairs because I had just checked/cleaned the bathroom upstairs and didn’t want to have to do it again.

Yeah you’d no longer be my friend if you treated me like this.

Loveduppenguin · 23/04/2025 03:58

Putting the toilets and beds aside @userfriendly55 unfortunately you sound very selfish. You spoke to your friend like she was a child. I get that it’s YOUR Airbnb account but she has paid half, she can use the other toilet on the way out if she wants. You act like you are doing her a massive favour here, ANYONE can make an Airbnb account!!you were rude and you know it.

Objectrelations · 23/04/2025 04:09

Wow yes YABU

OuijaBoard · 23/04/2025 04:10

I don't understand why it matters which toilet she used - they were both part of the AirBnB property and so either one of them being left dirty when two of you left could have been a problem. Was it just that you didn't want to go back upstairs and it would have been easier for you to re-check the closer downstairs one? I'd have sucked up the slight extra hassle, under the circumstances.

Perhaps she thinks you were being weird or rude assuming she would leave either toilet dirty after a last-minute use. If that's it, I'd just explain to her that you always feel like you have to inspect the entire property immediately before leaving so that you can authoritatively argue that everything was in order if the owner questions you (and it will be you because it's your account). I can understand why she might not have understood this based on what you said, which comes across as brusque and bossy the way you've written it here.

Can you just ask her what's wrong? Maybe these trips would be easier if you had your friend make an account and used hers, or took turns?

ilovelamp82 · 23/04/2025 04:14

100% of responses are letting you know that you have been unreasonable but you are clearly unwilling to see this. If you can't understand that you owe your friend an apology for your strange behaviour despite everyone unanimously agreeing that that is the appropriate course of action, then it is clear that you are the problem.
Has this kind of behaviour caused issues anywhere else in your life? Have you lost friends before over similar encounters? It might be worth having some self reflection. Try to ask yourself why you needed to exert strange controlling behaviour over a grown adult. Really put yourself in her situation and ask yourself how you would feel if someone told you that you weren't allowed to use the bathroom you wanted because they thought you would leave it too dirty. What a horrible position you have put your friend in.
I'm not sure I would want to be around said "friend" after that too.

Butchyrestingface · 23/04/2025 04:17

because I had just checked/cleaned the bathroom upstairs and didn’t want to have to do it again.

Youve just communicated to her that you don’t think she’s capable of using a bathroom and leaving it in a clean, sanitary state.

I wouldn’t be going to Costa again with you, let alone away on holiday.

Thunderpants88 · 23/04/2025 04:18

Pihrd · 22/04/2025 22:29

You told a grown woman that you’d have to check the toilet after her?

This!

yes op v unreasonable!

Eenameenadeeka · 23/04/2025 04:21

Yeah you were unreasonable, very controlling and treating her like she's messy? I see why she's upset. She probably won't want to go anywhere with you again.

BeanQuisine · 23/04/2025 04:45

Storm in a teacup. You overreacted to her using "your" toilet.

Next time you see her, a simple apology - "Sorry love, I was a bit of a toilet nazi on our last outing, wasn't I?" - and you'll both be laughing about it in no time.

LBFseBrom · 23/04/2025 04:47

Dartmoorcheffy · 22/04/2025 22:27

Yes you were unreasonable. You could have just asked her to make sure she left it tidy.

That.
You were insinuating that your friend would not leave the lavatory clean.

McSpoot · 23/04/2025 04:47

Maybe I missed it, but wouldn't you have had to clean both toilets when leaving? Whichever one she used would have had to be cleaned again so your excuse about why she couldn't use "your" toilet is illogical.

TheBlueUser · 23/04/2025 04:59

V unreasonable.

She wanted to use the toilet that flushed properly, so she could ensure she left the bathroom clean. Periods aren't dirty when you have a working toilet, what did you think she was going to do? Bleed all over the floor?

Kisskiss · 23/04/2025 05:13

I get the anxiety over the Airbnb rating. I have that too after a crazy host left me a bad rating for the first time.. I don’t use Airbnb anymore for this reason.
however I think you were a bit OTT with your friend who had been very nice and accommodating with giving you the better room for the same price and you could probably just ring her up and apologise

Viviennemary · 23/04/2025 05:16

You acted like the bossy mother of a small child. Not surprised your friend was annoyed. Treating folk like that isn't really on.

pumpkinpip007 · 23/04/2025 05:21

YABU. Previous posts have explained why. I’m just adding to the comments.

BabyOrca · 23/04/2025 05:30

While you're focusing on the toilet, I'm more appalled by the fact that you picked an Airbnb that did not allow your friend a proper bed.

And then didn't even offer straight off the bat to pay more.

4timesthefun · 23/04/2025 05:31

Unless there is a drip feed about her being particularly unhygienic coming, it sounds like you were overly controlling in this situation. There is no reason you couldn’t say to another adult ‘the toilet upstairs doesn’t work much better, but whichever you use, can you just give it a quick clean and make sure everything is in place, host ratings of guests can be a bit brutal’.

autisticbookworm · 23/04/2025 05:42

Yes you are unreasonable you treated her like your child . She should not have to justify her toileting needs to you. I’d have told you to F off. But saying that if a full house clean was part of my weekend away I wouldn’t be going.

I’ve always left houses in a reasonable state (without doing a full clean) and I have a 5* rating on air bnb.

if you were my friend unless you gave a very sincere apology I would step back from the friendship.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 23/04/2025 05:43

You were very unreasonable. PP have covered all the points I wanted to make but am commenting as you seem to think what you did was acceptable, it wasn't.

IdleIdleIdle · 23/04/2025 05:46

YABU. Nothing more to say that hasn't already been said. If you had voting turned on, I can't see how anyone would have voted on your side.

Evaka · 23/04/2025 05:49

You were wildly unreasonable.

Airbnb charge cleaning fees? Why the fuck are you leaving the place spotless? Neat and tidy yes, obsessively cleaning and checking. No babe.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 23/04/2025 05:49

You told her she had to flush it a couple of times?? You sound over the top and need to learn to relax. You treated your friend like a child.

OliviaBonas · 23/04/2025 05:50

I have been your friend in this situation who always paid half for accommodation of my friend’s choosing where I always got the second best room. I wouldn’t go away with you again if I were your friend even if you did apologise for your behaviour. I hope she cools the friendship and finds nicer friends to go away with. I wouldn’t book somewhere where the other room was a sofa bed in any circumstances.

ConcernedOfClapham · 23/04/2025 05:50

Sorry, but regarding the toilet I’d be ‘off’ with you too and I think the least you owe her is an apology and an acknowledgement to yourself that you’d handle it differently next time.

re: the hard time you’re getting over the bedroom situation and cost, I think that’s unfair. You both had an agreement that you were happy with and I think that is irrelevant to the question you originally asked.