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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my friend is making a HUGE mistake and she should leave well alone.

134 replies

Minieggloverrr · 22/04/2025 18:01

My lovely friend caught her husband cheating on her a few months ago. She found lots of telling text messages between him and OW and naturally everything blew up enormously. She contacted OW’s husband to tell him and started chatting to OW’s husband regularly - they leaned on each other during the inevitable fall out and when OW and her husband moved in together, taking OW’s child with them.

Fast forward a few months and my friend and OW’s husband are dating, very seriously with a view to moving in together themselves. Friend is very happy, in fact everyone seems to be happy but I have heard from friend that OW and her ex are furious about their relationship. I think they thought they’d just melt away into the distance but of course because of the child they are in and out of each others lives a lot.

She is adamant that it’s not a rebound thing and it’s not done out of spite - just that they genuinely love one another. The child moves between the two houses seemingly oblivious to the old relationships of the parents (child is 4).

However hard I try I cannot get my head around how this will pan out in the future. Has anyone had prior experience of this and can it work long term? I don’t think my friend would cope with another devastation and I worry for her.

OP posts:
mindutopia · 24/04/2025 10:00

I think this isn’t as uncommon as you’d think. I think there is a degree of trauma bonding involved, yes, but not a rebound in the classic sense. I think it’s very similar to bereaved partners ending up with the best mate or sibling of their deceased partner. It happens oddly.

lazycats · 24/04/2025 10:02

Sounds like a crap episode of East Enders. Poor child.

OneBrightAmberDuck · 24/04/2025 10:45

Didn’t this happen with Shania Twain?

KimberleyClark · 24/04/2025 10:57

The heating husbands and his OW are really not in a position to complain about their exes getting together are they?

ladygindiva · 24/04/2025 21:23

My first boyfriend was the child in this set up. He lived with his dad and stepmum ( and several siblings/step siblings) who got together when their respective spouses ran off together leaving their kids behind. They started as friends, had been married a few years when I knew them and seemed very happy, and still appear to be so over 30 years later.

ladygindiva · 24/04/2025 21:24

Oh and the original cheaters split up within a couple of years!

broney · 26/04/2025 20:03

Could be messy, but could work out really well. Be there for your friend when needed, but don't interfere.
Sorry if that sounds a bit woolly.

Buzyizzy217 · 27/04/2025 08:10

I had a mate who left her husband and married his brother. And she had a daughter by the first husband. So the little girl’s uncle became her step dad and her dad was also her uncle! 🤦‍♀️

VanilleFraise · 27/04/2025 09:12

This happened to a lovely friend of mine. Happily married some 35 years later.

Tbf, worked out for the best as husband 1 was a controlling arse and husband 2 is a genuinely lovely man.

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