To think my friend is making a HUGE mistake and she should leave well alone.

[Minieggloverrr]

My lovely friend caught her husband cheating on her a few months ago. She found lots of telling text messages between him and OW and naturally everything blew up enormously. She contacted OW’s husband to tell him and started chatting to OW’s husband regularly - they leaned on each other during the inevitable fall out and when OW and her husband moved in together, taking OW’s child with them.

Fast forward a few months and my friend and OW’s husband are dating, very seriously with a view to moving in together themselves. Friend is very happy, in fact everyone seems to be happy but I have heard from friend that OW and her ex are furious about their relationship. I think they thought they’d just melt away into the distance but of course because of the child they are in and out of each others lives a lot.

She is adamant that it’s not a rebound thing and it’s not done out of spite - just that they genuinely love one another. The child moves between the two houses seemingly oblivious to the old relationships of the parents (child is 4).

However hard I try I cannot get my head around how this will pan out in the future. Has anyone had prior experience of this and can it work long term? I don’t think my friend would cope with another devastation and I worry for her.

This happened at a school I taught in. All four kids, two from each family. were at the school. It was a bit strange seeing Mrs A with Mr B and Mrs B with Mr A at school events but the kids seemed to take it in their stride. I bumped into one of the couples recently and they're still together 25 years on.

My ex neighbours swapped their partners and have been.married for many decades.

I know people this happened to. Two couples who were friends each had two kids and the woman from one couple and man from the other had an affair. Both marriages broke up and the first couple moved in together. Similar scenario to OP's friend the other couple supported each other and eventually got together too. Umpteen years later both couples are still together, kids all grown up and grandchildren in the mix. The couples are not friends at all. The couple I know are the ones who were left and in actual fact they are a better fit for each other than their original partners, have similar interests, life goals etc. At the time it all happened I thought it was a disaster waiting to happen but I was wrong.

This exact same situation happened with two couples who were friends of my mum’s many, many years ago. Both couples were very happy together and were married for at least a decade back then. They’d be very old or dead now.

Good for them. I hope they have a lot if fun and find true happiness with each other. Any relationship can be messy or end badly. Children should always be protected but who cares what the original cheaters want.

Your poor friend has been through a terrible time. She's happy with the new chap. It might work out, stranger things have happened! It might just give her back some self-esteem and confidence after being devastated by being cheated on. Support her and be happy for her and also be there for her if it goes tits up! That's what friends are for!

Why is it your business?

This happened to friends of my parents, the chap had an affair and went off with OW, the wife of the original couple ended up in a relationship with the husband of the OW.
As far as I know they are all still together, the couple don’t mix but I think it probably happens more than people think because the spouses that have been cheated on help each other come to terms with what’s happened as they both know how each other feels.

I love this. Poetic justice

Didn’t Shania Twain do this? Either way, ow and cheating shitty ex have absolutely nothing to be “furious” about. It’s ok for them to shag each other but the people they’ve left need permission? From them? Doesn’t that just show how entitled they really are! Support your friend but stay out of it.

My Grandmother did this and stayed married to her second husband for 30+ years until she died. They were very happy.

This is the situation with my ex MIL and her husband. They ran off together and the remaining pair got together. They had been best friends for many years and both couples had children of similar ages who were close friends. I didnt come into the picture until a few years later and by then everything was ticking along nicely. The two couples were never friends again but all the children are still close and regard each other as family. It has made for a couple of interesting weddings along the way, but they are all still together 30 years on.

I knew a guy (now in his 50ies) whose parents have done it and both couples remarried to each other. In their circles it was known as the great wife swapping party 😀 (behind their backs).
so it could work 😀

Thinking about Shania’s situation - surely the last person in the world you would want to cheat on is a country singer? I mean, cheating spouses and heartbreak is their bread and butter, lyric-wise. They could spend several albums absolutely eviserating you very very publicly. Awkward.

"Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats"!

This sort of thing happened to a friend I went to school with the parents have been with their respective partners for over 20 years now.

Came here to say this!

This reminds me of a situation when I was a kid. I had a girl scout leader who was a real piece of work. She abused her son, who I went to school with. He went to prison later for murder. One day during a Scout meeting at her house she got into a wrestling match/ fist fight with her daughter. Anyway I found out later she and her husband each paired up with the neighbors across the street. I always felt sorry for the kids .

TBF it's got FA to do with the ex partners who caused the situation in the first place. They are CF to be angry. Hopefully your friend and her new partner are happy , perhaps they have the qualities in each other that they lost by the ex partners leaving. Like jigsaw pieces in a reversed weird way.

Yes a similar thing happened several years ago near me. The husband and wife in one couple fell for the wife and husband in another couple and vice versa. They rejigged their housing arrangements and to the best of my knowledge are all still very happy to this day.

Done out of hurt , I’d imagine , not spite …

Seems OK to me. One of my parents close friends got together with the ex wife after their respective spouses had an affair and left.

Turned out well.

I have a close friend that this happened to. Her husband was cheating and she met up with OW's hubby out of curiosity really, compare stories and fill in gaps etc. They have now been married for many years. Their exes did not end up staying together and both married other people. They didn't have any kids together but both had kids with the ex partners. They are all grown up with kids of their own.

My friend was an OW. She and her partner have been together years now and have 2 DC together whilst their ex DPs also got together and have children. We all thought it was utterly bizarre at the time but they all seem happy in their own situations now (hate each other of course !)

The opposite happened to the two couples I know that did this!