To think my friend is making a HUGE mistake and she should leave well alone.

[Minieggloverrr]

My lovely friend caught her husband cheating on her a few months ago. She found lots of telling text messages between him and OW and naturally everything blew up enormously. She contacted OW’s husband to tell him and started chatting to OW’s husband regularly - they leaned on each other during the inevitable fall out and when OW and her husband moved in together, taking OW’s child with them.

Fast forward a few months and my friend and OW’s husband are dating, very seriously with a view to moving in together themselves. Friend is very happy, in fact everyone seems to be happy but I have heard from friend that OW and her ex are furious about their relationship. I think they thought they’d just melt away into the distance but of course because of the child they are in and out of each others lives a lot.

She is adamant that it’s not a rebound thing and it’s not done out of spite - just that they genuinely love one another. The child moves between the two houses seemingly oblivious to the old relationships of the parents (child is 4).

However hard I try I cannot get my head around how this will pan out in the future. Has anyone had prior experience of this and can it work long term? I don’t think my friend would cope with another devastation and I worry for her.

Something similar happened in my family, both couples have been together well over 30 years now, they even live on the same street and get along as friends.

I used to know a couple who got together like this, no children involved. It ended in divorce some years later but then lots of marriages do so I don't think that means much. He's dead now.

It’s not your life OP, just leave well alone, your advice won’t be appreciated.

This happened to my friends parents and they all lived happily together, my friend was a bit bemused at family gatherings as the roles could become a little fuzzy, but they managed to muddle along

I know of a very similar situation. The OW and EX stated together for a few years but the (cheated on) couple ard still together 30 years later.

It could potentially work out and I'd stay out of it but I'm absolutely judging how quickly they are moving strangers in with children.

I was friends with a couple this exact situation happened too… the cheating couple got engaged within a year and then he cheated (at there engagement party no less) and they split within 18 months. The rebound couple are still going strong 10 years later… but I do agree it was very odd and the poor kids were very confused

10?! Do you work on the set of eastenders?!

@Psychologymam ha nope. Couldn't be further north.

I was in and out of a different school every day (only repeated a couple of times a year) and over many years.

It could work out ok - leave well alone.

Thank goodness there's only 1 child

Know someone who this happened with aswell, the original cheating couple split up due to.. surprise surprise…more cheating. But the other couple are still happily together 20 years later

Do you think they are genuinely happy together or is it more of a trauma bond between them?
I would be wary too. It would be lovely for them both to find happiness, and there would be a justice to it, but it sounds like they are moving a little too quickly.

I'm sure this happened with Shania Twain. Still lasting.

In one of Adrian Vaughan's books, he was working in Oxford in about 1970 and his 'landlady' swopped with the woman next door, first he knew about it was when she came in with his breakfast/

He's writing about his career as a signalman so doesn't go into much more detail

Flipping heck. Real life wife swap!

I know two couples who did this too!

The original cheating couple were both fed up after a very long marriages rather than being intrinsically attracted to each other. Both families were good friends ( through the kids) did annual holidays and weekends

away.
The cheated on couple broke up but the original ones are still together. Do do one weekend at theirs altogether and then the next at their respective other parent.

This happened to Shania Twain.

Twain met producer Robert John "Mutt" Lange after he heard her original songs and singing from her debut album; he offered to produce and write songs with her. Having spoken on the phone for many months, they met at Nashville's Fan Fair in June 1993 and became close. They were married on December 28, 1993, and had a son, Eja (pronounced "Asia"), on August 12, 2001.

On May 15, 2008, it was announced that they were separating after Lange had an affair with Twain's best friend, Marie-Anne Thiébaud.

Their divorce was finalized on June 9, 2010.

On December 20, 2010, it was reported that Twain was engaged to Swiss Nestléexecutive Frédéric Thiébaud, Marie-Anne's former husband. They were married on January 1, 2011, in Rincón, Puerto Rico.

Her ex and his OW really can't be upset. It's honestly ridiculous.

I also know someone this happened to! No kids though. I think part of it is trauma bonding, part of it is that’s the first person of the opposite sex they are in close contact with post heartbreak. It’s like the Titania effect!

It doesn't say anywhere that the friend has a child? There's a 4 y/o belonging to the OW.

When my cousin found out her husband had been cheating on her for SIXTEEN YEARS, she briefly dated the husband of the woman her husband had been cheating on her with.

As someone up thread said, it's a trauma bond.

IMHO, take your friend out for a cup of tea and sit her down.

Tell her that you think that she needs time to process the end of her marriage and should maybe slow things down. Also tell her, it is absolutely her decision but as a friend looking out for her you've provided your opinion. And underline that this coffee chat is the absolute last time you are mentioning these concerns...you will forever hold your peace.

Finally, as a pp said, keep the kleenex handy because this situation has a lot of baggage and is more likely than not to go sideways.

Not your circus...

Nope. Only one child. Aged 4. Very clear.

Why is it any riskier than any other new relationship? They almost certainly bonded over the joint betrayal but that doesn’t mean they don’t genuinely get along aside from all that now.
I rather think it has a lovely poetic justice to it. Even more so if the exes are raging.