To think my friend is making a HUGE mistake and she should leave well alone.

[Minieggloverrr]

My lovely friend caught her husband cheating on her a few months ago. She found lots of telling text messages between him and OW and naturally everything blew up enormously. She contacted OW’s husband to tell him and started chatting to OW’s husband regularly - they leaned on each other during the inevitable fall out and when OW and her husband moved in together, taking OW’s child with them.

Fast forward a few months and my friend and OW’s husband are dating, very seriously with a view to moving in together themselves. Friend is very happy, in fact everyone seems to be happy but I have heard from friend that OW and her ex are furious about their relationship. I think they thought they’d just melt away into the distance but of course because of the child they are in and out of each others lives a lot.

She is adamant that it’s not a rebound thing and it’s not done out of spite - just that they genuinely love one another. The child moves between the two houses seemingly oblivious to the old relationships of the parents (child is 4).

However hard I try I cannot get my head around how this will pan out in the future. Has anyone had prior experience of this and can it work long term? I don’t think my friend would cope with another devastation and I worry for her.

My cousin was in same situation, all is really amicable now, DC is fine and they all attended DCs wedding recently, sat together etc. Its never really been a problem for them, they are definitely with the right people now and everyone is happy.

I used to know two couples who did this. The ones who hadn't had the affair were still together and very happy until one of them died. I don't know about the other couple. So it is possible.

It may work out it may not, but thats some brass neck the cheaters have got to be furious about it!

What exactly is their problem?

Reminds me of a story where I grew up - the vicar ran off with the wife of the local doctor and the doctor got with the vicar’s wife! Made for some interesting village gossip at the time

Way too much, way too soon all round. They should be just enjoying dating at this stage. No need for the child to know about new relationships let alone be living with new partners.

I think I'd tell her my concerns once, with love, and then leave it

If I were her, I'd be concerned about the ow coming to steal her husband back off me, as she's done it once before

So I'd go in with low expectations, but would absolutely still date the guy and give it a go 🙌

I know someone whose one parent had an affair left his wife and got married and then the two people who were cheated on got into a relationship and are also married and they all get on reasonably well now. So effectively just swapped partners. They’ve been together since he was about 12 or something so a good 20/25 years

When growing up i had a friend who was the child of a couple like this. They had two sets of half siblings from the first marriages. She lived with her mum's children. However, they would go and stay with their dad, whilst the dad's children would come and stay with them.
The marraige seemed happy and they are still together now in their 70s.
The only sad thing about the situation was that the other family lived a long way away so each set of siblings only saw their dad's in the holidays.

It happened to a friend many years ago. She was the victim of a cheating husband, and my friend and the OW's husband both got together. They are still together now, 30 odd years later.

Agree.

@Minieggloverrr OW and her ex are furious about their relationship.

Well, they started it.

I am not sure how it came about (affairs?) but there were two families in my neighborhood growing up who did this. Each family had two boys, so there were four boys total and sometimes they had weekends at the other house (A and B go to Mom 1's house, C and D go to Mom2's house), and sometimes all four boys were together at one house for a weekend (A B C D all at Mom1's house). They made it work. I think it was weirder for all of us than it was for them.

I knew someone at school whose parents did this, it was worse though as the 2 sets of parents were in-laws and so the kids were cousins. Very confusing and complicated for all involved.

Shania Twain is in similar situation and seems to be happily married to ex husband OW’s ex husband too!

It shouldn’t work, but sometimes things just do. I hope your friend has her happy ending. At least they didnt start their relationship with lies and cheating - so it already has a markedly increased chance of being successful. As trust is a cornerstone of any relationship, and how can the cheaters trust each other? They can’t in two words. At least your friend and her new dp know the pain and hurt, and are unlikely to inflict it on each other.

I would celebrate her happiness in your position, and be glad something good and positive came from the heartbreak.

10?! Do you work on the set of eastenders?!

A friend of mine cheated on her husband with a colleague. They eventually left their husband and wife to get together. The ex-wife and ex-husband the got together. I happened to also know the ex-wife, she was blindsided by the affair. Their relationship had become stale as they had 3 children under 5 but she thought they were OK. My friend on the other hand was married to a horrible, borderline abusive man. The ex-wife and ex-husband have now got together and I'm worried that he is just using her to get back at his ex. Some of their children have all also started playing up since it all happened, my friend talks about their new family as if it's a beautiful crazy love story and the children are all blissfully happy in their new blended family but it's very obvious that this isn't the case. They are very unsettled and confused as their parents have separated and pretty much swapped partners, moving in together really quickly.

I have a feeling this or something very similar happened with my great-grandparents & it was financial - the left partners ended up moving in too save money! (They were all friends beforehand though)

Bizarrely my uncle his wife and neighbour couple did a wife swap. I think it was mostly a mutual agreement though. Both wives had the same name oddly and there were various mixes of children in the end. A bit confusing, but everyone was happy and all the kids are still close. I was too young to know the details, but was mightly confused why my aunt with the same name was now a different person.

I work with someone who has done this with four then youngish kids involved (2 each side).

Best friends, one couple had an affair, the other two consoled each other and hooked up. First pair married, second pair were about to marry a few years later but realised they missed their best friends. Had some sort of reconciliation and original partners were witnesses at the wedding!

Been best friends again since, holiday together and all sorts. Been married over 20 years both. Kids all now adults, all very well adjusted, regular contact with both couples and all holiday together with them often too. Seems a very happy if odd family! Colleague’s view is that they all were very fond of each other and fundamentally enjoyed each other’s company (affair bit aside!), but not matched as partners and they knew they all had a combined ambition to love the kids and do their best by them whatever which saw them through the tough times.

Same happened to teenage school friends who were best friends and that story couldn't have been more different. A lot of animosity and side taking from kids that shouldn’t have been put in that position and it still seems to play out now. Again both couples still together (kids not so much).

The same happened to my Aunt , she married him and they were married for long time and blended families quite happily

Same.

I went to school with a girls whose parents had done this. She lived with her dad, stepsister and stepmom, and she and her step sister would go together to stay with her mum and her stepdad.

She was a massive arsehole, but I think that was coincidental.

This situation worked for Shania Twain....

I also know 2 NDN’s who swapped and lived happily next door to each other for many years and are still friends

Children would have wander between houses