To just want to be a housewife?

[CasketBase]

I don’t know what’s happened to me. Growing up as a teen I was very rebellious and independent, I wanted the world. Started working early, went to university, started working full time and studied in my spare time. My job prior to having a child was serious and I was working my way up. Then DC came and I went part time self employed and ever since I’ve had her, I don’t want that life at all. She is 3 and is part time in nursery whilst I work but originally I wanted to do well in my work but now I don’t care. All I want is to look after my daughter, clean my home, and spend my time cooking and gardening.
Is this normal?! I could t care less about a career or earning lots of money or anything. I live rurally and all I care about now is nature and ‘homliness’. I genuinely love ironing, hanging out the washing and making the beds. I have ADHD and these were jobs that used to paralyse me, but now I find comfort and calmness in them and it’s the work I can’t cope with. Is this a phase? Or is this something to do with becoming a parent? It’s bizarre, it’s like I’ve had a personality transplant.

Right now, at this moment, your partner has died, hasn't run off with another woman and hasn't declared that he too wants to stay at home.

So, @CasketBase enjoy being at home. This is your life right now and you're enjoying it. Good luck to you.

Ignore all those painting Doomsday scenarios-you can "what if" yourself around the bend. What if a sink hole opens up under your house at 4 this afternoon and you, the washing line and the house are never seen again.

You're doing what's right for you right now. Who knows what is around the corner and we can't squander the happiness of now for some vision of the future that might never happen.

I'm very much the same as you OP, but 2 children, now both school age. I think the ADHD is a factor. It makes me a perfectionist, but I cannot possibly be a perfectionist in 2 jobs at once - work and motherhood. It would cause too much stress. So instead we are a very unstressed happy family because I can put all my focus on the kids. Now they're at school I'm very open to a part time job, but it's got to be the right fit so taking my time.

A lot of women experience this shift in outlook during menopause too, going from being quite professionally driven to having no patience for or interest in workplace nonsense. Most work places and careers are designed by and around men and their typical life course, so it doesn't surprise me that a lot of us reach a stage where it just doesn't appeal any more.

I have been a housewife for a while .I have had PT /temp jobs as well ,but overall like being at home.Love baking (probably made about 2,000 cakes over the years! Having a Dog as well, which fits in well with home life .I wonder when the switch came about that all women should have Careers and a family? My SIL gave up work when her DC came along, and never really went back .She got married in 1970 and her company was surprised she went back after getting married! (Civil Servant)

I gave up work when I had dc1 as suddenly changed and did not want to leave him with a childminder or go to work anymore. I loved my job with a passion but that stopped as soon as he arrived. Dh then set up a business and could work all hours as I was there to do everything else.

Sure dh could have left me but he didn’t. I stayed at home with both dc until they finished GCSEs and now work part time in a job I really love. It was a shock going back to work as was t used to working to time and not planning my day myself but it’s great to be part of a team again.

Both dc are thriving and both got Saturday jobs as soon as they could so me not working has it affected their work ethics. They are sociable and friendly and happy.

Basically you need to do what suits you and your family as we are all unique so there is never going to be one size fits all. Yes, your dh could leave or die but life would be really tough even if both were working.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

No, you are not being unreasonable - I feel similar. Not officially diagnosed, but I'm pretty sure I am AuDHD (DD is and most of our traits are similar).

Went to a grammar school where careers and being ambitious were drummed into us, though even without that, I was on the same page. Wanted to go to the most prestigious university I could, had various career ambitions and wanted to fly high in whichever one I chose. Not getting particular jobs was the most gut-wrenching of disappointments.

Then... I had children and my priorities completely changed. I do still have elements of that job satisfaction and need to do well, but my current job relies a lot on self-management and admittedly I am struggling a bit with that (made worse at the moment with my DD's current needs, particularly around school attendance).

When I am at work and in the zone, I feel a glimpse of what I used to.

But when I'm struggling with DD at home when I should be working, or when I am at work thinking about all I need to do at home or about DD, or it is my day off (I work 0.8), then work just seems like an additional barrier and I fantasise about how much I could do and how much easier things would be if I didn't have to think about work as well.

Same thing happened to me OP. I've spent the morning making shortbread with DC and cleaning the kitchen. I have no interest in returning to work.

Sounds like you put all your energy and focus into something you found important and now you have replaced the (something important ) with your dc . You find that fulfilling and enjoy nature and nurturing .

If you’re happy and not struggling financially I’d say you have found what not many people can or do .
contentment …… Enjoy .

I never said I was going to be, I said I WANTED to be. I’ve repeated this multiple times. I was asking about feelings, not financial advice . Read the thread.

oh my God that line about it not being your managers and colleagues around your death bed is SO ON THE MONEY, I am going to steal it and use it and remember it always!

I definitely felt like that at the beginning and stayed home with our twins til they were two, then they did 15 hours, gradually going up to four days a week in nursery.

Now they are at school, my "personality has transplanted" again and I am so ready to work/learn/be my own person again as well as "mum". Going back to uni and taking on more freelance work and it feels great.

So all I am saying is, you feel this way now, that's great, embrace it, but be prepared to change again in a few years! Brains are amazing!!

I'm not interested in reading the thread but all the best.

I am also a SAHM, to a single toddler. Can't say I embrace the chores as such BUT I absolutely understand what you mean about loving the gentle domesticity. I love it too, and have also surprised myself in that - although my career was a bit meh, I did have a degree and an MSc and pre COVID was making progress down a tricky career path. I'm also surprised that I've gone full "hippy mum", breastfeeding and cosleeping with my three year old and seriously considering home schooling. It's like DC came along and suddenly nothing else really mattered in life and I wanted to pour 100% of my efforts into her, while she's still little, at least.

Our days are pottering round the garden together, baking, painting, a whole bunch of different groups, swimming, pony riding, (arguing about how many episodes of Bluey she's allowed to watch), dog walks, making shit crafts out of loo roll tubes. It has it's frustrating moments but often I just feel like it's exactly where I should be in life. And then I feel guilty because I'm not "contributing" enough and now I'll probably never have a proper Science career and I'm supposed to be a feminist so why am I now fussing about getting tea on the table for when my husband walks through the door after work??

Are you me?!:D I was in a professional, highly paid job before kids but I don’t care about any of that anymore. Neither of mine is in nursery now. I spend all day everyday with them and I love it. If you can afford it, go for it!

I dotn particularly want to be housewife or sahm. I just want to not work 😅

I'd love to be a SAHM forever. I had 7 years off with my two youngest and I had to recover after a head injury and post concussion syndrome before being injured by off label psychotropic drugs a decade ago.

I'm back working part time now, perimenopausal and probably undiagnosed ADHD. I feel every day is an absolute nightmare and struggle, and I think I'd cope much better with less stress at work, although I think cognitively it's probably good for my brain

I just hate how disorganised I am and it impacts my poor DH so much. I'm a bloody nightmare for him at times 😳😂

I don’t know who Matt Walsh is. And I posted this to explore my feelings as I have found it different, but if being unpleasant and passive aggressive makes you feel good on this cloudy afternoon, enjoy.

Then don’t contribute 😂

I would have been very happy living this kind of life (albeit in a city) and if I had my time again I would have spent a few years at home

I never comment on these threads, but wow no matter what you posted there will be people who tear you apart, nevermind the fact they've not even read the question 😂😂 you even got people warning you to not get obsessed with cleaning. Haha can't make it up.
But in actual response to your question, I don't think your feelings are unusual. I'm about to go on my second mat leave, I'm in a high paying job but since being back after my first - I just don't care about work in the same way, and don't think I'll go back after this next mat leave. If you're fortunate enough to be able to make these decisions and it works for your family then go for it! Also no decision is permanent, you could change your mind in a couple of years and that's okay too!

I went to uni, had a good fledgling career as a management account. Had first baby, went back to work pregnant took redundancy and never looked back. I think there is nothing more rewarding than staying home if you can and want to to raise your kids. I was able to care for my grandparents upto their death too. I did always hate putting sahm down as it's looked down on. Kids are older I retrained and work part time. I think that's a good balance. Enjoy your time. You will never look back and think I should have worked more

I'm no longer interested in contributing. All the best is usually a sign off.

@CasketBase not bizarre at all, I think when kids come along it changes things, I’m the same, I work too but I do not care about it like I used to xx

I do not have ADHD but feel similar. I value my financial independence too much to ditch the job, but if I had a trust fund to see me through life I would happily ditch the job and spend more time my kids, volunteering in the community/campaigning, having a more sorted house and cooking better meals.

SAHM is still a fairly popular choice amongst those whose husbands earn enough to support this, amongst people I know. Or with the wife working very part-time.

As someone who had a child very young and had to do it all from my late teens I can tell you that I felt this keenly. I was totally out of sync with everyone else and it was a very lonely place. In my view, feminism should be first and foremost about redefining parenthood, sharing the load - not judging women's choices. Because of mine, in my younger days I was too conservative for my peers (who thought I was betraying the sisterhood by having a child and marrying his dad) and too progressive for genuine conservatives because I worked like a dog for decades to build a career.
For me equality is about being a true team with your partner. My DH sacrificed some years of his career to allow me to graduate and get on the ladder, I sacrificed some years of mine to help him catch up. When he was made redundant a couple of years ago, he didn't need to worry because I had his back - including financially- and when the tables turned on me last year, he's done the same. We don't have a perfect marriage, far from it, but this aspect has been crucial in keeping us together.
If you have a solid foundation of trust in yours, go be a housewife for a while. Get that out of your system or make it permanent it's up to you. No one should lecture you for it.