To think this is cruel on the children?

[Phillipconnarthy]

I know it's not my business, my children etc. But I'm just sharing an opinion.

A friend has two children, a boy aged 5 and a girl aged 9. Every summer, they're shipped off to their grandparents for the majority of the school holidays.
Their grandparents live 300 miles away. Obviously they get updates, facetimes etc. But I think that's pretty cruel, particularly on the 5 year old.

A week or so I could be totally on board with, but nearly 6 weeks? Anyway it's up to them, just wondered what people thought.

If the children have been doing it all their lives, they won't know any different.

I used to stay with my Gran for the whole holidays. It was bloody brilliant, she was really kind and loving. Didn’t miss my parents at all.

Sounds wonderful. My MIL was shipped to another country for the summer holidays every year, and then got passed around different relatives over there. She had a whale of a time and has some great stories.

I’ve just come back from a holiday with my DGC. A week in the French countryside followed by a couple of days in Paris Disneyland. This summer I’m taking her for a couple of weeks to a long haul beach holiday. Her parents will also take her away for a European break. I don’t think she realises how hard done by she is and how cruel her parents are for allowing her to go.

We had this when we were little. My grandad would drive down to pick us up and I remember listening to Abba and Dolly Parton with him on the way up.

I don't think it was full six weeks but I don't remember being upset by separation because it was my grandparents who were very loving to us.

I don't think this is a bad situation at all and better than day camp.

i wouldn’t do it myself but I also wouldn’t call it cruel

My sibling and I spent two weeks each summer with relatives (not grandparents) from not much older. I don't remember being homesick, had a great time and would have happily stayed longer. Due to finances and geography our family holidays were usually visiting relatives anyway. I think full working days in a holiday club (if even possible) would be tougher on the kids.

I have heard that this is the norm amongst lots of Eastern European families. The kids go off to the countryside to spend holidays with grandparents with whom they feel loved and secure, and have a wonderful time.

Many children who board at school spend long periods away. It all depends on the children. Some are extremely robust and enjoy the variation in environment. For development it can be very good, dealing with different people in different circumstances. For others it does not work and they need more parental support. Within reason, each family works out what is right for them. I do not think this sounds particularly unusual TBH.

My DD goes to grandparents for 1-2 weeks most summer holidays. All family live 300+ miles away. It’s the only time of year we get childcare. No help for the rest of the year.

How much childcare do parents agreeing with you get on a weekly basis?

Sounds like an ideal solution to me.

My grandparents lived in a different country, we would be shipped off for weeks in the Summer to them. I loved it. It made our relationship a lot closer than it otherwise would have been. It was definitely a positive thing in my childhood.

I know someone whose dc always went to grandparents in another country for the entirety of the summer holiday.

You know, they have a lovely relationship with their parents now they're an adult - and they still choose to spend a good deal of the summer holiday with their grandparents.

It's so subjective. Maybe the grandparents are idyllic and live in a cosy home full of wonder and It's a wonderful break from home?
Having said that I do think it's a very long time for a five year old. You would really have to trust the grandparents to be honest about whether they are being honest that the kids are really ok

My db+ds+I got shipped off to my grandparents all the time, all hols, without fail. I can't tell you the joy, the happiness, the change of surroundings, a totally different way of life, a Victorian freezing house, Victorian discipline, weird meals, and a set of different friends, fondest memories, best memories, so exciting, like Narnia, literally. Like a film set, only real. Longed to get away from parents, like all children do, pretend we were orphans or suchlike, 'dirty books in the library' - Maupassant and Boccaccio, and A Thousand and One Nights (with pictures!!!). So sad my dc had nothing of the sort, really sad.

From being 12mths old I had my GD for days/week at a time. They lived 3 hours away and we have all family near me. My GD loves her aunts and uncles and gets so much from extended family time wise. Imagine having six extra people who love you unconditionally apart from your parents.
What's amazing is they have now moved 10 minutes away and we get to see and support her on a daily basis and my DD of course gets to work in a high pressure job without worrying about time restrictions, I am always available.

If children are blessed with capable, fit grandparents, I see nothing wrong with it.

Unfortunately my parents are neither capable or fit, so it's holiday club mixed with our own annual leave.

I'm glad that we have a good nursery though that is a like a 2nd home for our kids.

My dc love going to grandparents. They get spolit rotten. There are many fun things to do.

A bf of ds1 went to Poland for a huge chunk of summer, spent time by the sea in the sunshine having a wonderful time with family he loves and who love him. His parents were working so not much fun to be had stuck in a UK city. I was quite envious of my friends who have family who can do that for them.

This would have been a dream come true, if this had happened in my childhood. The happiest weeks of my life were spent with my nanna and grandad

Having had a miserable childhood with parents that were very strict and even had an issue with me quietly reading in my room, spending extended holidays with grandparents would’ve been bliss to me! Not sure what’s so cruel about it. As long as the grandparents are not mistreating the kids, it sounds a good and safe way for kids to spend quality and independent time away from parents and bond with other family members.

I loved going to my half sister's in the summer holidays from age 5. She had a lovely clean, tidy, beautifully furnished house, surrounded by parks, fields, holiday activity clubs, a skating rink, there was her daughter and the other children in the street to play with, nice food, trips out to interesting places - I never wanted to come back.

The only thing I missed was my cat. But she bought me a soft toy that looked like her, so I even had that there.

Oh my goodness I actually think this is fab for the kids, if the grandparents are fit and healthy and also enjoy it. They get unrivalled attention and probably treats, maybe make new friends there, experience different places. The parents can go to work without feeling guilty. We have no childcare, me and DH run a business and I feel constant guilt and pressure during school holidays juggling everything, working from home between us, taking them to work sometimes, trying to sneak out of work at lunch time to go to the park when I’m really busy. I feel pulled in several directions at once. This seems ideal to me and probably memories for the kids they will treasure forever.

the only consideration really is if the kids are happy enough with this arrangement. Sure being at their grandparents / treated / taken out often is enjoyable as opposed to cruel.

I don’t think there are any boarding schools taking kids age 5. Or if you find one it will be the exception.
I think a 5 yr old would probably find this hard, yes. On the other hand developing strong relationship with grandparents could be great. I didn’t have this and neither will my kids (grandparents either dead or disinterested).

Different folks, different strokes.

Crueler than them being left to fend for themselves for the holidays?