Does anyone else not send their children to grandparents for sleepovers?

[nosleepoverss]

My child is 3 years old and he has never had a sleepover. Both sets of grandparents have asked about it and I just don’t see any need for it. We co-sleep, he still breastfeeds to sleep most nights and I don’t want him to sleep anywhere else/away from us and I see no reason why he should 🤷‍♀️ Surely I’m not the only one? 😂 I imagine he will be asking for sleepovers in a few years time but right now I just see any need for it?

Completely normal biologically and in lots of cultures. Not as common in western culture, but more people do than you'd expect.

Even down to the other day I fed DD in a corner at the zoo as she'd scraped her knee and was overtired and needed a nap, she's almost 2 but looks older (lots of hair and tall!) And a mum nearby shushed her DS and told him she was trying to get to sleep, then said to me it was lovely that she was still feeding and she fed her DS until he was 3 and a half at bedtimes.
Also know multiple mums from school who fed to around the same age, it's just not something you generally see as it's usually only bedtime by that age and people don't really speak about it unless they know other people also do as there's no reason to bring it up otherwise.

DSD (9) goes to my parents for sleepovers. DHs parents are dead. They’ve known her since she was 2 but we didn’t start sleepovers until she was 5 and it’s rare, maybe 3-4 times a year. She stays over with her Mum’s parents too and has since she was 1, but again not that often. I think it’d be more often with full custody but we do 50:50 and in our current set up both of her parents want to make the most of the time they have with her.

She would stay with grandparents every night if it was her choice though because, as I was told yesterday, we all make her “do everything.” (DH and I asked her to put away her own shoes upon arrival. Her Mum and Step Dad had earlier in the day had the audacity to ask her to hang up her own coat. We are all clearly abusive) 😅.

Being spoiled rotten by Grandparents and not having to do any mundane jobs or tidy your room or eat healthy food is all part of childhood fun and I treasured my relationship with my grandparents!

Mine are 7 & 12. They have never been for a sleepover ever with grandparents. I am NC with my family. Dc not allowed at MIL’s house due to her partner’s probation conditions (you can read into that what you will and you will almost certainly be correct). We were actually given the option by the police to sign off on them being allowed contact with her partner if we met with his probation officer and went through the risks. And I said, what?! Are you having a laugh?! Um, no. I couldn’t even tell you the last time Dh was permitted to set foot in his childhood home as her partner won’t let him in anyway.

MIL is not even allowed unsupervised contact with our dc, only with us or another responsible family member.

I have such warm memories of sleepovers with my grandparents as a child. I must have stayed over at least once a month. It’s sad that my dc will not have those memories, but they just don’t have wonderful grandparents like I had.

Mine do and have done since they were small. Both grandparents offered and wanted to, DH works in hospitality so is often at work late, especially on weekends. If grandparents didn't have sleepovers with the children I'd never leave the house alone besides to go to work. One weekend night a month I get a night where I can sleep beyond 6am and it's lovely! I am forever grateful for it though and thank them profusely for the time and space.

NRTFT

Also breastfed until 3. My daughter wasn't ready to stop but I was.

My 14 year old has had maybe a total of 4 sleep overs at the 2 of the 3 sets of grandparents. One set probably would have liked more but it wasn't possible and I'm not sure I would gave been happy about it too often due to a difference in parenting.

No we don’t have them away overnight really. Grandparents never have them at all- day or night. I have an aunt who has taken my kids overnight when I’ve needed it (when I’ve been in labour for example) but my youngest was 2 by then. We don’t greatly get them babysat in general tbh- maybe once or twice a year for a few hours if we have a concert or something.

I had the most amazing relationship with my grandparents and they have been an incredible, guiding, supportive light in my life.

I want my children to have this with their grandparents too and mine stay at their grandparents roughly once a month. My parents are also involved in lots of other ways beyond just giving me a break, my kids will always know they can come to them for anything.

At the end of the day my husband and I could be dead tomorrow in a car crash. Knowing my children would have supportive, caring, involved grandparents to scoop them up means so much to me. Those of you who deliberately keep the grandparents at arms length best hope you’re here forever.

Just some stats and evidence supporting extended feeding for those who think there are no benefits.

I still don't understand why it is considered perfectly normal to drink milk designed for the offspring of another species, but not allow children to continue to drink milk designed specifically for human offspring for as long as they want to.

My little boy has stayed with grandparents since he was 3 months old. He’s 3 and a half now. He is absolutely obsessed with my parents and my MIL and they all dote on him. I feel sad for what he and they are missing out on.

I wouldn't feel pressured into it but it might be a nice break. It really depends on the relationship you have with the grandparents. It's your choice as the parent and if you do end up agreeing to sleepover, I would make sure that it's on your terms without apology. Used to send DD for more sleepovers than I wanted to because grandparents would only babysit if they could have her for the night, at their house, so if we ever had a work event or wanted a date night, we had to send her to grandparents for the night. (Had a tough time finding a regular sitter in the city at the time.) Even then it was only like once ever couple of months when absolutely necessary but we pulled back and started skipping events when it became increasingly clear as she got older (3, 4, 5ish) that the grandparents were not respecting our parenting wishes regarding food/diet or anything else for that matter, and some of it was downright dangerous given that DD has a long list of life-threatening food allergies. They were super flippant, claiming they had raised two kids just fine, and their eyes would glass over when I tried to instruct them how to use the epi-pen. Their attitude was "their house, their rules" with no regard to the fact that we were the parents. They seemed to actually get some weird kick out of defying us, like it was payback or something. They thought they were spoiling DD in a good way I am sure, but DD started not wanting to go over anymore as poor DD started coming home sick to her stomach for days from being stuffed with so much junk food regardless of our wishes, also coming home each time with sacks full of more junk food that went straight into the bin. The last straw came when they misplaced her epipen and claimed I never sent one, only to then admit they had left it in her overnight bag on their counter and then taken her to dinner, thus leading us to believe it was common for them to not take it seriously enough to carry on them at all times. Strangely, they eat fairly healthy themselves but used every sleepover to just gorge poor DD with pastries and candy and chips and she would literally end up throwing up when she got home. No matter how many times I told them this has to stop, they just practically laughed and said they had a right to spoil their grandchild and do as they pleased in their home! (Needless to say at this point, they are no longer even allowed to see her....for many reasons.) So...if I could go back in time, I would have only let her sleep over once a year....MAX.

My DC did it from a very young age. Children need to be used to sleeping away in case of emergency eg what happens if you have to go into hospital? My DC had the most amazing relationship with their GPs.

Mine used to sleep over at grandparents, they loved it, were spoilt and built a great bond with our parents. We knew they were well taken care of so were able to relax and it gave us valuable time together as a couple, co-sleeping non stop for three years sounds pretty tough on your sex life.

Sleepovers aren’t a necessity to build a good relationship though. They can have an amazing relationship without sleeping in the same house. My DC and my parents are mad about each other, they are incredibly close but they’ve not had a sleepover yet, it’s not relevant. The two things are not linked. No need to feel sorry for anyone else’s kids.

So only for your convenience, no consideration that the child may enjoy having a night with their grandparents? Selfish attitude, me, me, me.

Mine go once a week. Its great.

It will be a pain in the arse to pop in to school every luchtime

No I think 3 is quite young and if you don’t want to you shouldn’t feel pressured. Just tell them maybe when dc is older.

My son does once a year when I go away on an annual girls trip and the occasional night in the summer holidays but that's about it now he's older. My mum helped me raise him (and still is) from a baby and even did nights with him to give me a break. I think at 70 she's done her bit now 😂

I can count the number of times that my children have had sleepovers at my parents’ house on one hand. Never at my ILs as they live a couple of hours away.

Youngest is 4 and we’re finally just managing to get her out of needing an adult to lie with her for HOURS before she falls asleep. Eldest (6) is autistic with PDA and grandparents struggle to manage him.

If we ask very nicely, parents will help out for a special occasion or whatever, but it’s certainly not a regular thing.

They had some sleepovers when they were younger but now I’m a single parent so my children are at their dad’s EOW anyway. I don’t want them living out of a suitcase and spending more time away from me. My mum helps me twice a week with school pickups and we usually see her on my weekend too. They have a very close relationship with my mum and adore her. My 7 year old frequently refers to her as “my second mum”. They don’t need to have sleepovers for that. She has had them for sleepovers in the past and would again if I asked her but it’s a lot to put on her plus she is still working too.

My ex in laws used to have the children more too but my ex father in law has significant health problems now so I would never ask them. Sometimes they do sleep there on holidays but my ex is always with them as far as I know.

There's no right or wrong answer. My kids stayed at my parents from a few months old once a month or so and then once a week when they were older and chose to. They had the best times being spoilt and taken to all these places, being played with and cared for. We’ve also had cousins sleeping here and my kids staying at cousins a couple of times a year which the kids absolutely love. We’re lucky because we all get on and are on the same page with our parenting/ caring styles so this makes it much easier.
If I was co-sleeping and breastfeeding I’d imagine it would be more hassle than it’s worth.

If we ever do have a night out, which is rare, or a night away, which is rarer (last one of those was over a year ago as it was a friend's wedding) my dad and my MIL jointly come to look after the DCs at our house. They are 6 and 3. They've never been at my dad's or my MILs for a night to sleep over. Both have small houses and no spare rooms so it would mean giving up their beds. Plus our oldest is ASN so easier to have him go to bed as normal with his routine and his own bed.

No - for a mix of reasons. One has a horrible dog that I wouldn’t feel ok about them being around. One has no space and is mentally all over the place. One is disabled and wouldn’t cope. And the other is quite frankly an arsehole, who we don’t speak to. All live ages away.

We did just before DD was 2 as I was pregnant and we needed to know DD would be ok if we needed to stay in hospital for longer.
You do what is right for your family - but that should be your whole family and DC not just what you want.
I have very fond memories of sleepovers with my GP. I was spoilt rotten and loved every minute. As do my DC.

I think this is more about you than your DC. GP will not be around forever so let them make memories.

My children don't sleep over anywhere, their choice & I'm not going to force it despite the fact that I think grandparents are upset by this. Not necessary, when they are older if they want to stay at GPs I would have no issue.