Does anyone else not send their children to grandparents for sleepovers?

[nosleepoverss]

My child is 3 years old and he has never had a sleepover. Both sets of grandparents have asked about it and I just don’t see any need for it. We co-sleep, he still breastfeeds to sleep most nights and I don’t want him to sleep anywhere else/away from us and I see no reason why he should 🤷‍♀️ Surely I’m not the only one? 😂 I imagine he will be asking for sleepovers in a few years time but right now I just see any need for it?

Except that never happened to myself or my brothers or my husband or his sisters or most of the adults generations before us because typically, young women especially, didn’t have sleepovers. You’re projecting.

the word sleepover to me means when you are a teen and stay at a friend’s house with a group of friends. you talk rubbish, eat rubbish and don’t sleep at all.

but that’s just me splitting hairs!!

I've had my grandson overnight from about six months. He was born in lockdown and we all lived together on and off throughout COVID. Because of this he sees this as his second home. I love having him to stay and it's a break for his parents who have stressful jobs.

How odd. We must be looking up the benefits of natural term weaning/breastfeeding in very different places...

The numerous scientific articles available do show a huge benefit of breastfeeding to both the child and the mother.

People may agree with your very narrow-minded view, but that doesn't mean your collective opinions are correct.

Where did you find this information?
You can think it odd as much as you like obviously, but it's good to at least be correctly informed.

Really? You didn’t spend any nights away from your parents until you were 18.
How sad.

You keep seeming to miss the words 'in my opinion' from your posts.

No we didn’t stay with our grandparents. And I didn’t stay with anyone other than my parents till I was much, much older. It’s very common.

Sad for who? Don’t be sad for me, I’m not, I wouldn’t change a thing about my childhood and my relationships with my parents and grandparents now. And don’t be sad for my parents as they aren’t either. Widen your perspective, what works for you doesn’t work for everyone else. And this link you’re making to independence simply isn’t correct. Sleepovers are a recent thing, in history it wouldn’t have happened even as recent as my (and maybe your) grandparents.

You’re inventing things to suit your narrative but it’s not fair on the OP. Her children will be fine if they don’t sleep away from their parents for years yet.

Stop trying to bully her into making decisions she isn’t comfortable with by making things up.

What's wrong with that?

I know that my grandparents spent time away with relatives other than their parents. My Grandmother, who is 97, talks of holidays with her grandparents without her parents.
If you are really wanting to look at family structure going back grandparents would have been far more involved in the upbringing of their grandchildren- the old “it takes a village”
Yes there is probably a period post industrialisation where this isn’t the case.
I’m just advocating for giving your children independence.
So many people on here have this belief that you must wrap your children in cotton wool. The number of people who jumped on an OP who asked if she could leave her 16 year old alone for a night was ridiculous.
This is why we end up with parents going for interviews with their kids, adults who can’t do basic tasks like laundry and cooking and a huge rise in mental health issues in the young.

What is the bf benefit to a 5yr old? Oddly curious😁

That’s why i said ‘maybe your grandparents’ because as I have said everyone is different. Trying to drive an uncomfortable mother into doing something with her young child isn’t advocating for independence. Sleepovers don’t equate to independence. Not going on sleepovers doesn’t equate to wrapping your child up in cotton wool. Not going to sleepovers doesn’t mean your mum is going to come to your interview. You’re projecting. Her child is very small.

When I saw the title of the thread I was assuming older children and that my 3 year old wouldn't be relevant, but yours is 3 too..

No, my son isn't ready for sleeping over at his nanny's yet! We co-sleep (and also breastfeeding up until 5 months ago). He's never even slept with his dad let alone any other family members. It is something he'll do in the future, I hope, as all his cousins love sleeping over at nanny's. Not for us, but for him!

I bf, my 2 boys but I just cannot have imagined them running up to me at nearly 5 to have some of my milk. 🙃

Yes, what is wrong with that? I breastfed my son until 2 months prior to his 3rd birthday. We were both just ready for it to come to a natural end, but if he'd have wanted it to go on longer I would have!

To be frank - my comments aren’t directed at the OP. I agree that while she’s breastfeeding the child its completely impractical.
There were many others though who commented that they would never let their child sleep else where.
Sleepovers are one important tool of many that help develop independence.

That’s fair enough.

I bf mine until they were ready to stop, which was about 4.5.
They have additional needs and it was an excellent way of stopping them running around hurting themselves when they were overwhelmed at bed time. Far preferable for all concerned to watching them endure a meltdown and helping them come down from it afterwards.
It's good for gut health.
When mine had D and v from school every time he gulped water he brought it back up. He was able to keep down breast milk, whether it was the rate of flow or the content I have no idea but it helped his hydration when nothing else did.
It makes him feel secure and safe.
I felt no need to deny it to him. It was part of our bedtime routine which is frankly no one else's business. I thought I'd stop at a year or whatever, but to me, deciding that him reaching a randomly selected number of months after which it was "odd" then cutting it off when he found it soothing and it made him happy, was in itself the very odd thing.

That's generally not what happens. By that stage it's usually just once or maybe twice a day at bed time or in the morning.

Also there is a huge difference between not allowing sleepovers and not sending your kid on them.

Claiming that you sending kids to grandparents so you can have wine and a lie in is solely for their benefit and development is utter nonsense. Yes, a good bond with grandparents is wonderful, time away from parents is important and independence is something kids need to develop. Parent mental health is also important so some people need those nights off but we're all on our own journeys and doing what we think is best for our individual children. Sleeping at grandparents house or not when they're 3 isn't going to make a blind bit of difference to their development or relationships.
If your parents don't share values and get on well with a set of grandparents, you're less likely to have a strong bond with them, whether you're packed off to theirs alone one night a month or not. Likewise if you all get on well and spend a lot of time together that bond will be there whether you sleep there without your parents or not.

I think some of these people mistook little Britain for a documentary.

Nah, not really! Reasonably educated. Just found it a bit weird to still be bf at nearly 5. I don't know anyone irl who does this. Maybe just different circles but don't imply that I am thick.

The boost to the immune system continues for as long as you are BF.
Comfort and security.

I think it's better to look at it from the other way - is there anything wrong with BF a 5 year old? If both the child and mother are happy then what's the problem.

I was working full time, not sitting around weaving lentils while my children ran back and forth taking milk from me.

One stopped at 3 1/2, the other nearer 4, both very gradually to the extent that I didn't realise it was the last one. There would be days when they wouldn't want any. It didn't stop them staying overnight elsewhere - BF babies and children soon learn when it's available.

BF until way, way past 3 here (training as lactation consultant and can confirm this is entirely normal and not weird). And also let DC have sleepovers with grandparents from around 1 year (very sporadically if we wanted a night to ourselves) - also from at least 2yo I went away leaving my breastfeed toddler with their dad for a night every so often.

Should also say we lived 2 mins away so very easy to come and get then if necessary which it was a couple of times.

It's entirely up to you. There's no need for them to do it, but I always loved it as a child and appreciated it as a parent.

It also meant if there was ever a reason we needed overnight childcare (such as when DC2 was born), it wasn't a big deal.

My DDs had regular sleepovers with my parents. DD1 from about 15 months. DD2 was older about 3 the first time she stayed over. They used to stay with my parents on school holidays right up until Covid. Once the restrictions lifted they started going again.
Only stopped about a year ago. My mun died this year and I'm so glad they got quality time with her.
DS has never had a sleepover without us (he's 4, DDs are 16 and 18). I doubt he ever will. He's got severe SEN and I don't think my dad could cope with him at 80. MIL has had our DDs once overnight.
It's obviously up to you OP but it's nice to have involved grandparents and your son would probably love it. No rush though. It doesn't sound like he's ready for a night away from you yet.