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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does anyone else not send their children to grandparents for sleepovers?

497 replies

nosleepoverss · 21/04/2025 19:22

My child is 3 years old and he has never had a sleepover. Both sets of grandparents have asked about it and I just don’t see any need for it. We co-sleep, he still breastfeeds to sleep most nights and I don’t want him to sleep anywhere else/away from us and I see no reason why he should 🤷‍♀️ Surely I’m not the only one? 😂 I imagine he will be asking for sleepovers in a few years time but right now I just see any need for it?

OP posts:
Fingerscrossed4 · 22/04/2025 22:03

It’s the whole “why does my child need to sleep anywhere else”, “my child has never asked to have a sleepover” - that’s not going to create an independent well rounded child.

LuluDelulu · 22/04/2025 22:06

Fingerscrossed4 · 22/04/2025 22:03

It’s the whole “why does my child need to sleep anywhere else”, “my child has never asked to have a sleepover” - that’s not going to create an independent well rounded child.

Utter drivel.

Cosyreader1 · 22/04/2025 22:10

We haven't yet as my daughter is only 4 months old. However grandparents have offered to have her overnight when she is sleeping longer and I'm more than happy with her going to them. They love her to pieces and want as much quality time as possible. Plus, between pregnancy and having my baby, I probably haven't had an uninterrupted night's sleep in about a year so would very much welcome the break!

Generator7 · 22/04/2025 22:12

Fingerscrossed4 · 22/04/2025 22:03

It’s the whole “why does my child need to sleep anywhere else”, “my child has never asked to have a sleepover” - that’s not going to create an independent well rounded child.

Would love to see the research that backs this claim up.

Beautifulweeds · 22/04/2025 22:15

No we never have, due to parents being older and DC having issues. It seems to be the norm for many, which must be nice. Xx

Fingerscrossed4 · 22/04/2025 22:31

Generator7 · 22/04/2025 22:12

Would love to see the research that backs this claim up.

Show quote history

A young adult who has their first night away from their parents aged 18 is going to find that tricky.
How would they not? They’ve always had a parent down the hall.

Fingerscrossed4 · 22/04/2025 22:34

In fact we saw it on school trips. My kids did one in Year 6 where they went away on a residential. A couple of kids didn’t go because they were too worried as they had never had a night away from their parents. Others went but were horribly homesick as they had no experience of being without Mum and Dad. Why would you want that for your child?

IdaGlossop · 22/04/2025 23:00

Fingerscrossed4 · 22/04/2025 22:34

In fact we saw it on school trips. My kids did one in Year 6 where they went away on a residential. A couple of kids didn’t go because they were too worried as they had never had a night away from their parents. Others went but were horribly homesick as they had no experience of being without Mum and Dad. Why would you want that for your child?

Not being able to spend a night away from your parents closes off so many experiences - residential school trips, scouts and guides, orchestra trips, sleepover parties, holidays with friends, aunties, cousins. Waiting for the child to ask for a sleepover is a nonsense. What if they never ask? The parents should be making it happen. The job of nurturing a baby to independence begins the second the cord is cut, something that seems to escape parents - mostly mothers, dare I say - who do the reverse, binding their children to them in a way which creates a stifling co-dependency that had outlived its usefulness once the Stone Age ended.

vegantart · 22/04/2025 23:04

My children haven’t but only because my parents and my in laws never wanted to have them overnight.

kennycat · 22/04/2025 23:42

i never did this and i’d never consider doing it now i have children. i visit my mum with the children and we stay over big it wouldn’t occur to me to leave them there without me. didn’t realise it was even a thing people
did! Mum
doeant need her sleep disrupting and her morning wrecked by my offspring.
both my children have done school residential and guide/scout camps absolutely fine without the need of my mum.

MrsKeats · 22/04/2025 23:59

Mine were never asked. Rubbish grandparents all round really.

LeopardPants · 23/04/2025 00:03

Mine go to my sister’s place and my mum will often stay there to help. She would have them (and I would happily let her) but she lives further away and her house is a total state so not possible until she sorts it out… My second spent a week with my sister when he was 10 months old as we went on honeymoon - he had a great time! It killed my milk supply though sadly (not surprisingly).

Personally I really enjoy having the occasional break so don’t see why I would keep them with me for years on end without them staying with family. My kids love going to my sister - my eldest asked to go there over Easter. Helps that his cousins are a similar age.

SmegmaCausesBV · 23/04/2025 00:19

Me! One is dead so that would be wrong, the other lives in a shithole that isn't safe and never offers anyway.

luckymumandnowluckygranny · 23/04/2025 01:26

Well I am the granny and my wonderful granddaughter has been coming for sleepovers for a couple of years - maybe twice a month - since just before she was 2. She loves it and so do we, and my daughter gets some much needed unbroken sleep, Obviously you must do what is right for you and your family, but I believe it is good for little ones to have another place where they feel safe and happy and loved. As they say, it takes a village. I see it as a huge privilege for us, getting to re-read all the books we read to our children, and play the games and visit the parks again. My own parents were further away, and although they doted on my children they would have been too anxious to keep them overnight on their own (we often stayed with them as a family). However just do what suits you and your little one. (I breastfed my youngest till she was 4 so no criticism there), but remember grandparents are family too. Unless they are not fit enough, then don't risk it. Good luck whatever you do

LalaPaloosa2024 · 23/04/2025 04:38

Goldengirl123 · 21/04/2025 19:30

Breast feed at 3?????

That is extremely beneficial for the child. Look it up.

LalaPaloosa2024 · 23/04/2025 04:46

I think it’s ridiculous of the grandparents to ask for this. Your child is only 3 and should be with their mother. I think it’s unfair and inappropriate to ask you this. He/she isn’t a toy to be passed around for the enjoyment of others. Why do they need to have your child sleep over? Why isn’t seeing them during the day enough? No way.

Sleepovers are fine if you want to do that when they get to school (we have done them, but won’t anymore now I’ve read about the risks and had one bad experience). My child is very independent and happy to go away for school residentials. Don’t pay any attention to comments that say it will impact your child’s independence. A 3 year old belongs with their mother.

LalaPaloosa2024 · 23/04/2025 04:46

Fingerscrossed4 · 22/04/2025 22:03

It’s the whole “why does my child need to sleep anywhere else”, “my child has never asked to have a sleepover” - that’s not going to create an independent well rounded child.

Utter rubbish. It’s called good parenting.

LalaPaloosa2024 · 23/04/2025 04:48

Fingerscrossed4 · 22/04/2025 22:31

A young adult who has their first night away from their parents aged 18 is going to find that tricky.
How would they not? They’ve always had a parent down the hall.

Show quote history

3 isn’t 18.

LBFseBrom · 23/04/2025 04:50

ncforschoolhelp · 21/04/2025 19:44

@Antsinmypantsneedtodance if your 5 year old is going to school in September please stop breastfeeding them.

I expect it is only a little bit, at night before the child goes to sleep. It will stop soon.

Op, later on when he goes to school, if he wants to.

FancyCatSlave · 23/04/2025 04:50

DD is almost 6 and never had a sleepover or babysitter (went to nursery though). My parents are too old (health issues) and in-laws dead/abroad.

Not an issue for us but I do wonder how different it would be to have grandparents to help. But it’s not their fault they can’t-I left it late to have DD.

LalaPaloosa2024 · 23/04/2025 04:54

ThejoyofNC · 21/04/2025 19:43

Totally disagree with your first paragraph. It's not normal and in no way beneficial. Quite the opposite to be honest.

Show quote history

On what basis do you make this comment? Just randomly forming an opinion doesn’t make it true. Why not do some research and educate yourself. There are huge benefits in extended breastfeeding for both mother and child. For the child benefits include reduced likelihood of type 2 diabetes and obesity in later life and higher IQ.

CakeBlanchett · 23/04/2025 04:56

If there are loving and trustworthy grandparents in good health, why not? Some of my favourite memories are staying with my maternal grandparents (the paternal ones died early), having so much fun on outings, curling up on their bed and reading for hours, having my favourite meals and strolling out after dinner for an ice cream. We also had really interesting conversations (age-appropriate) about current affairs, art and music.

Goldengirl123 · 23/04/2025 07:44

I don’t need to look it up. I don’t think it’s necessary and many people will agree with me

Goldengirl123 · 23/04/2025 07:45

Actually I have just looked it up and there is no benefit to the child at all. It’s just very odd

LuluDelulu · 23/04/2025 07:55

Goldengirl123 · 23/04/2025 07:45

Actually I have just looked it up and there is no benefit to the child at all. It’s just very odd

Breastfeeding is amazing for gut health, and immunity, not to mention the comfort children derive from it and the emotional benefits of letting them cut down slowly. It’s the norm outside the western world to BF to age 3 and beyond. The benefits don’t magically stop because a child reaches 3.

But tbh whether it’s beneficial is kind of irrelevant. It’s not harming anyone and it’s not ‘odd’. You have a very narrow worldview.