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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does anyone else not send their children to grandparents for sleepovers?

497 replies

nosleepoverss · 21/04/2025 19:22

My child is 3 years old and he has never had a sleepover. Both sets of grandparents have asked about it and I just don’t see any need for it. We co-sleep, he still breastfeeds to sleep most nights and I don’t want him to sleep anywhere else/away from us and I see no reason why he should 🤷‍♀️ Surely I’m not the only one? 😂 I imagine he will be asking for sleepovers in a few years time but right now I just see any need for it?

OP posts:
Whyamiherenow · 22/04/2025 17:56

We let DS stay at both sets of grandparents. For work reasons / wedding that we attend / one on one social time between DH and I. DS loves it so do grandparents. It isn’t frequent but it is helpful to our marriage to have some non child focussed time on occasion. My parents have also taken DS on holiday. They are retired and he isn’t in school yet. They all enjoy it and he gets to have lots of rounded experiences etc. it isn’t frequent that he stays away but it is a useful and healthy thing for our family dynamic I think. It isn’t necessary though, not everybody has the same support and not everybody wants it. DSD does stay with us obviously but she wouldn’t choose to spend a night away from her mum or vice Versa eg her mum will collect her from her grandma at 11 at night whereas I would prefer DS to just sleep the night through.

Efrogwraig · 22/04/2025 17:57

My grandson announced he was coming on a sleepover when he was four. Stopped when he was 6. Now just days out.

JJMama · 22/04/2025 18:03

My parents never offered so wouldn’t know.

Fingerscrossed4 · 22/04/2025 18:04

What’s hilarious is all you who don’t let it happen because you are building your close relationship with your children are just damaging your future relationships with your grandchildren.
My children have all gone for countless sleepovers at both sets of grandparents and have hugely rich relationships with both. Everyone has benefited. The children have learnt tons, we have had a rest and our relationship as a couple has had time and the grandparents have loved having them.
My boys are now in their teens and will speak to both sets of grandparents on the phone most days.
I hope that we can continue this tradition and we will be just as close to our grandchildren (and children) in years to come. We are modelling a healthy multi generational family

MustWeDoThis · 22/04/2025 18:06

nosleepoverss · 21/04/2025 19:22

My child is 3 years old and he has never had a sleepover. Both sets of grandparents have asked about it and I just don’t see any need for it. We co-sleep, he still breastfeeds to sleep most nights and I don’t want him to sleep anywhere else/away from us and I see no reason why he should 🤷‍♀️ Surely I’m not the only one? 😂 I imagine he will be asking for sleepovers in a few years time but right now I just see any need for it?

This is weird and unhealthy. All I'm reading here, is you have attachment issues which are preventing your son from having healthh, normal quality time with the grandparents...because you're still treating him like a newborn.

God help what this will do to him when he's older and starts to have relationships. Hopefully you will have stopped breastfeeding by then.

I breastfed all of my children - All 3. I also bottle fed them. 3yrs old, still attached to the breast, cannot sleep without it, no nutritional advantage at this age, unable to sleep in their own bed. Your poor husband.

DrSK2 · 22/04/2025 18:13

Breastfed my son until end of age 4. He is currently 7. We’ve always been co-sleeping. He is a great boy and we have a lovely bond. My child my rules. Never went to grandparents for sleepover. I am against sleepovers.

Melody32 · 22/04/2025 18:13

MustWeDoThis · 22/04/2025 18:06

This is weird and unhealthy. All I'm reading here, is you have attachment issues which are preventing your son from having healthh, normal quality time with the grandparents...because you're still treating him like a newborn.

God help what this will do to him when he's older and starts to have relationships. Hopefully you will have stopped breastfeeding by then.

I breastfed all of my children - All 3. I also bottle fed them. 3yrs old, still attached to the breast, cannot sleep without it, no nutritional advantage at this age, unable to sleep in their own bed. Your poor husband.

Show quote history

This is such a ridiculous take. Another mum shaming another mum because she is doing something DIFFERENTLY to you. What if the OP simply isn't ready yet. There is no golden age for a sleepover. The child is 3 not 10. Do you know how many parents cosleep but are ashamed to say because of ridicule like this but in other non western cultures it is so natural. Saying "your poor husband" meaning what? Are you in her marriage to know the ins and outs. People assume cosleeping means a dead sex life as if the bed is the only place you can have sex or connect with your spouse. I encourage you to go follow "thebreastfeedingmentor" on Instagram. Nutritional value doesn't ever disappear with breastmilk and he's taking it only to bed please educate yourself.

Realism28494 · 22/04/2025 18:14

My DS has never been asked by GP because they feel they’re too old to look after him. They never take him for a day out or anything like that for the same reason. It was very different for our siblings DC although they are all 20 years younger than DS so GP were at a very different stage of life then.

We have to pay for all childcare.

Changedforadvice · 22/04/2025 18:27

Yep. We, unfortunately, forced a stop on my DS a few months back at 3 and a half (he'd reduced it down of his own accord quite a bit anyway) I had a bit of a health issue and needed to lose weight which I found impossible while breastfeeding. It's fallen off since and the fact I'm getting fit to be a better mum for my DS keeps me going on the few occasions he's asked to feed since. I hadn't set out to do it that long but he wanted and needed it and had it not been for the health issue I'd have carried on till he self weaned. It's natural and has huge benefits for your child if you can do it.

Edit: had linked the first post but it's disappeared!

FlourandFlowers · 22/04/2025 18:35

Fingerscrossed4 · 22/04/2025 18:04

What’s hilarious is all you who don’t let it happen because you are building your close relationship with your children are just damaging your future relationships with your grandchildren.
My children have all gone for countless sleepovers at both sets of grandparents and have hugely rich relationships with both. Everyone has benefited. The children have learnt tons, we have had a rest and our relationship as a couple has had time and the grandparents have loved having them.
My boys are now in their teens and will speak to both sets of grandparents on the phone most days.
I hope that we can continue this tradition and we will be just as close to our grandchildren (and children) in years to come. We are modelling a healthy multi generational family

Do you think sleepovers are critical to healthy that multigenerational dynamic? Or do you see a possibility where other factors, inclusive of quality time, still enable those relationships to blossom?

Debzyrobinson · 22/04/2025 18:48

I suppose you got your reasons for Breastfeeding, but I think a 3 year old for breastfeeding.

Debzyrobinson · 22/04/2025 18:49

I mean a 3 year old is a bit to old for breastfeeding.

rosemarble · 22/04/2025 18:51

Debzyrobinson · 22/04/2025 18:49

I mean a 3 year old is a bit to old for breastfeeding.

Many 3 year olds that are BF are probably quite happy staying away overnight.
I know mine was. At that age they know that if Mum is not there then it's a different bed time routine.

IdaGlossop · 22/04/2025 18:52

DD had only one grandparent who had health issues that ruled out sleepovers. However, DD had her first sleepover aged about 18 months with a close family friend who had nine grandchildren. DD had seen the elderly friend regularly since the first day of her life, and knew her house well. Otherwise, I would never have suggested it.

Knowing DD was likely to be an only child, I was keen for her to feel confident about sleepovers, residential school trips, guides etc and she always did. A small number of children didn't go on the first residential school trip when they were 8/9. That was because they had never had a sleepover and couldn't bear to be separated from their parents. Parenting fail in my book.

Dogsbreath7 · 22/04/2025 18:58

There is a difference between sleepovers with friends vs family.

kindly you are not building independence for your child so that isn’t good parenting although you must think you are - why?

he is about a year away from school starting?
you/ husband could be in an accident and need him to stay with either GP?
it could be fun for your child?

This is my opinion and yes breast is best, but still co sleeping?! suckling the breast and needing it to go to sleep?! Yikes and Yuck.

FTMum23 · 22/04/2025 18:59

Little one is 2 and no sleepovers, no need for them yet.
If we go out for a parents night out (usually a meal and home by 10, such a hard-core life) then my MIL and FIL come round to ours, give dinner and do bedtime then go home when we get back.

Enthusiasticcarrotgrower · 22/04/2025 19:04

Mine do, and they love it. They’ve had sleepovers there from under 1. Their grandparents make it so special and lovely for them.

AlecTrevelyan006 · 22/04/2025 19:04

My wife looks after our 3yr old grandson one day a week when he's not at nursery. He did his first sleepover with us when he was about 4 months old. He usually stays over once every 5-6 weeks or so. It can be hard work but we love it and he seems to as well.

Generator7 · 22/04/2025 19:07

Fingerscrossed4 · 22/04/2025 18:04

What’s hilarious is all you who don’t let it happen because you are building your close relationship with your children are just damaging your future relationships with your grandchildren.
My children have all gone for countless sleepovers at both sets of grandparents and have hugely rich relationships with both. Everyone has benefited. The children have learnt tons, we have had a rest and our relationship as a couple has had time and the grandparents have loved having them.
My boys are now in their teens and will speak to both sets of grandparents on the phone most days.
I hope that we can continue this tradition and we will be just as close to our grandchildren (and children) in years to come. We are modelling a healthy multi generational family

This makes no sense. Sleepovers don’t equate a good relationship, they have no bearing on a good relationship. I never had sleepovers at my grandparents and I love/d them all dearly and we speak and see each other often (those who are still with us).

My DC has never had a sleepover because they don’t want to but they love my parents to absolute bits, made about them.

Sleepovers don’t make or break relationships. They can be useful tools for some but they’ve no bearing on how strong a relationship is.

JayJayj · 22/04/2025 19:08

My daughter is 2 and 7 months. She has slept at my mums once just before Christmas. I work nights and my husband was really poorly and needed to be able to sleep for work.

She has then stopped at my sisters last month as me and my husband were asked to a small party and wanted to have a drink.

I wouldn’t have done my sisters but we have been struggling with our relationship and definitely needed some time alone together.

We breastfeed and co sleep. She surprisingly slept all night in her own bed!!

If you don’t want them to stop out and there is no need then don’t do it.

Generator7 · 22/04/2025 19:09

Dogsbreath7 · 22/04/2025 18:58

There is a difference between sleepovers with friends vs family.

kindly you are not building independence for your child so that isn’t good parenting although you must think you are - why?

he is about a year away from school starting?
you/ husband could be in an accident and need him to stay with either GP?
it could be fun for your child?

This is my opinion and yes breast is best, but still co sleeping?! suckling the breast and needing it to go to sleep?! Yikes and Yuck.

You’re ignorant and invalid opinions?! Yikes and yuck.
Comfort for children is important and breastfeeding for comfort is absolutely valid. Sleepovers don’t build independence.

Rosieandtwinkle · 22/04/2025 19:12

My brother and I used to stay with our grandparents regularly from an early age, though granted they were only up the road. We have very fond memories through the years, from tinkering around in the garage with grandpa to learning to bake with granny. We both still roll out her recipes from time to time now! Sadly husband and I have lost all our parents so DD has never experienced that joy.

Pippinsdiary · 22/04/2025 19:27

The mum shaming on here is vile. Why do people get such a kick out of being horrible just because people do things different to them?

My 3.5yo has never slept out. She’s always been an awful sleeper and still wakes multiple times during the night very upset so we wouldn’t do it to her until she’s ready. We live 300 miles from grandparents but she has a great relationship with them all regardless

Fingerscrossed4 · 22/04/2025 19:31

It means they can create their own independent relationship that doesn’t involve you.
Your children can also develop some independence.
So many people on here seem to forget that our job as parents is to create functioning members of society. A child who has never slept away from their parents in a place where they feel safe is going to really struggle later in life.

Pippinsdiary · 22/04/2025 19:34

Fingerscrossed4 · 22/04/2025 19:31

It means they can create their own independent relationship that doesn’t involve you.
Your children can also develop some independence.
So many people on here seem to forget that our job as parents is to create functioning members of society. A child who has never slept away from their parents in a place where they feel safe is going to really struggle later in life.

Why do they have to sleep over for this to be the case? I’m sure lots of people didn’t sleep at their grandparents and don’t struggle in life 😂 (me included, they all died before I was born!) weird take