Does anyone else not send their children to grandparents for sleepovers?

[nosleepoverss]

My child is 3 years old and he has never had a sleepover. Both sets of grandparents have asked about it and I just don’t see any need for it. We co-sleep, he still breastfeeds to sleep most nights and I don’t want him to sleep anywhere else/away from us and I see no reason why he should 🤷‍♀️ Surely I’m not the only one? 😂 I imagine he will be asking for sleepovers in a few years time but right now I just see any need for it?

What a horribly judgemental thing to say. Children are highly unlikely to know or discuss who is breastfeeding still at that age, let alone be breastfeeding in view of other parents at the school gates for them to form an opinion.

You need to reflect on why you think it's weird for a child to drink milk designed for humans, when they are still very young. Many others have pointed out natural term weaning is between 2-7, think about when milk teeth have started falling out and why they might be called milk teeth.

I remember sleepovers at my nana's house. We would be in her bed eating Cadbury's chocolate and listening to fantastic stories from around the world. I loved it. The next day we'd go to a park, play crazy golf, watch tennis and bowling, and eat ice cream wafers. Can't remember how old I was but it was definitely before age 10 yrs old.

Three of my grandchildren stay over every Friday - sometimes 2, sometimes 1. My DGD, who is in year 4, stays every week and has done since she was 3 years old. After gym club we do hot tub then toast marshmallows. We wallow in bed and tell each other about the dreams we've had in the past week, tell funny stories, talk about what we would love to do next. The best thing is marvelling about how beautiful she is while she sleeps. She's such good company and I look forwards to Fridays. Her brothers sleep in the bedroom next to us, when/if they want to stop over. They're younger and fall asleep much earlier.

I have three other grandchildren who have never stopped over because of a combination of distance - if they get upset and want their mum it's a very long drive home, and their own bedroom routine. All three children need a parent with them until they're asleep, they all wake during the night and randomly want their parents/swap beds. DGD who is 5 knows her cousins sleep at mine and she asks to join them but her mum realistically knows that she would be upset and beg to go home at some point. All three children have been traumatised by the fact that mum and older daughter have spent 12 weeks in hospital in the last six months. The admissions have really impacted the bedtime routine and caused separation anxiety.

Saying that I have done quite a few sleepovers at their house on a Saturday so that they can go for a meal and stay in a hotel overnight (birthday, anniversary, bank holidays). I get little to no sleep as we all end up squashed in one bed (super king but small with me and three children, including 2 year old twins, who all appear to spin 360 degrees in their sleep).

All good fun.

Too early. At least wait till the kid is 7 - when they've been weaned.

It will work for some parents and not others. My DS is two, an only and doted on grandchild (on my side). My parents ask to have him to stay every fortnight. My parents are late 60s with their full faculties and no serious health problems, mum is a retired nursery teacher… I trust them with him implicitly. DS adores them especially my Dad and I want him to have strong family bonds. We don’t expect or rely on it, but it does also give DH & I a bit of a break - which we really appreciate. I did sleepover at my own Grandma’s regularly when I was little and we were very close, so I guess it’s “normal” for our family dynamic too.

Having said that, MIL wouldn’t ever ask to have DS stop over and neither of us would trust her with him either! And I certainly wouldn’t think it’s strange or unusual that you prefer to keep yours at home with you.

We didn't. One set far to busy with work and exhausted themselves . And other chain smokers who refused not to smoke . Teenagers now and very close to my parents .

My kids didn't have family sleepovers until they were 5ish. But none of their grandparents were asking to have them overnight.

They loved them when they started going. I think they were hugely valuable and I remember my own sleepovers at grandparents when I was little - magical! Not sure if they (or I) would have really enjoyed it at 3, though I'm sure it wouldn't have harmed.

Did you get your medal in the post yet first being a top class ma? 🙄

I don't understand how people co-sleep, tried it with both kids and it resulted in nobody getting sleep! I understand why people choose to do it but we couldn't make it work. Children are different, there isn't a one size fits all approach, therefore parenting has to be different. Coseleeping works for you, own room at 6 months works for me, no need to be so judgemental. You aren't better than me because you cosleep.

Same as this sleepover debate. Whether they have sleepovers at 5 days, 5 months or 15, it doesn't make one parent better than the other. Many factors are taken into consideration. Everyone's circumstance is different. As always this has become a thread of a "my way is the right way" attitude and judgey comments! 🙄

We have never either and my eldest is 5

We live with my parents 😅. He's almost 2 and BF but I sometimes have to travel for work and so stays with them and has expressed milk. I imagine when we move out he'll stay sometimes too. My nephew who's 4 has also stayed over with my parents when my brother and his wife have gone to weddings or short trips.

Could you share some peer reviewed research that supports these claims? Why does it stop being beneficial?? How are you defining normal?

or is this an opinion? If so, don’t state it as fact.

Nope. My eldest is 8, and neither of them have ever stayed over anywhere without us, including grandparents and I'm absolutely happy with that.

Bitt different though to the situation that OP is describing? There seems to be a good relationship.what she is saying and her MIL is keen to do so.
I obviously wasn’t saying everyone should do this, regardless of what kind of relationship you have with your parents or PIL did I? Why people always feel the need to react to threads just to point out their situation is different to the one OP is describing is beyond me.

My ds never had sleepovers with GP as they were all dead. We never have dh's gc overnight .

can't be arsed

Can you be arsed to be separated from them when you go to work?

Can you be arsed to send them to nursery/childminders?

Can you be arsed to force them to go to school against their will?

What a load of BS. All children are away from their parents at times. Being pampered and spoiled by other family member they know and love isn't punishment.

You do know the nuclear family is not universal? Or even the healthiest option for children?

I don't agree with sleepovers. Children should sleep in their own beds until they are old enough to leave a situation they are uncomfortable with

No criticism at all. Just wondered how old your parents and children are. I'm 65 this year and am certainly not a spritely lady. I can manage all three (5, 3, 18 months) for a few hours during the day. I could do the older two overnight. There's a fourth due in July. I know my limits 🙂

Thanks, I work abroad every now and then so she’s used to me going. Her GPs have her every week for 1-2 days depending on the week and her aunt when GPs do 1 day and she’s in nursery 2x a week.

Hopefully she’ll be fine, she was great when we went for a weekend. But we’ll soon find out! We haven’t got a chance to build up anymore, my parents are away for 10 days next month.

Fingers crossed for us 😂

3 years old? Should be in his own bed and having some independence.

how do you have a sex life with a 3 year old breastfeeding himself to sleep. Let him go! He isn’t a baby anymore.

I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but you can have sex at any point in the day, in any room of the house when it's appropriate... It doesn't have to be just in bed, and just at night. I'm not sure why the OPs sex life is a huge concern to you though?

Breastfeeding, and co-sleeping, at three years old is perfectly acceptable.

One side is almost 80, ours are younger than your grandchildren and there is definitely some resistance from this side as to what is safe or not. We get a lot of ‘it was fine when you were a baby’ etc. I’m talking things like safe sleep etc. They’re also not as mobile as they used to be and as you’ll know, toddlers don’t understand that they have to slow down and wait 😄
The other side are younger but again, don’t respect our requests in relation to safety. There is a significant safety issue with this side which I don’t want to say as it’s outing but leaving them there isn’t an option whilst it’s ongoing.
It’s amazing for your grandchildren and their parents that you can do so much. I do think there’s massive value in grandchildren spending independent time with grandparents when they’re lovely grandparents. My own grandma was wonderful and I cherish the memories I have of sleepovers there.

I think you're right to be cautious. On the rare occasions that DD and her husband venture out for the evening, other Grandma and I babysit together. DD is considering letting the older two spend the night at mine, but I 100% think it's her decision. I rarely drive them and will take one at a time swimming. They love me to pieces, and I them, but they are her children. Her decision.

I loved staying at my grandparents, it was a big part of my childhood and helped shape me into the person I am today, but If your still feeding dc then it can wait, just please don't rule it out completely.

Indeed. I think very, very many co-sleeping children have younger siblings conceived somewhere other than the family bed.

Nope not over here. My MIL has a bit of cluttered home that's not very baby proofed so I would struggle to leave LO there overnight. Last time we went there she had a cake knife casually out on the table (she'd made loads of food for Easter inc cake) and DH grabbed it seconds before DC did. I could have peed my pants. I've only ever slept over at my auntie's house with my siblings and my uncles house as a child. I preferred home though,didn't enjoy it lol. Also glad you shared you breastfeed your 3 year old to sleep, it will make other mums who do the same feel like there's nothing wrong with it. There are toddlers having milk to sleep at the age too from bottles or sippy cups.

Yep, both of mine since birth. Mum was with me and partner for both births as well. They are now 12 and 15 and stay at grandparents nearly every weekend (their choice) and sometimes for a week at a time during school hols. They have an amazing relationship with them and I’m eternally grateful to them for all their help and support as without them I couldn’t have worked or retrained.