Does anyone else not send their children to grandparents for sleepovers?

[nosleepoverss]

My child is 3 years old and he has never had a sleepover. Both sets of grandparents have asked about it and I just don’t see any need for it. We co-sleep, he still breastfeeds to sleep most nights and I don’t want him to sleep anywhere else/away from us and I see no reason why he should 🤷‍♀️ Surely I’m not the only one? 😂 I imagine he will be asking for sleepovers in a few years time but right now I just see any need for it?

Once in 25 years. The GPs are not lovely but not sleepover types.

I don't think school children spend much time analysing whether each of them has the milk designed for humans or that made for calfs. And I'm pretty sure none would think to tease another child for drinking the correct milk for their species unless they had judgemental parents at home and they copied them. So perhaps the answer is to keep your judgemental thoughts in your head and not pass them onto your child, rather than insisting that another child should stop something natural and healthy.

And this is how gentle parenting starts.

If a child got to pick they would never ever leave their parent. But some of us have to work, do the groceries or just have some time to ourselves.

In these situations, the child will have to go along with it. Will have to get used to grandma.

If OP doesn’t want to send their child to the grandparents, that is fine. But if I personally kept delaying it when I needed the extra help, and if I didn’t invest in my children also having this relationship with my parents, then my children probably wouldn’t have the amazing bond they do with their grandparents. So in the long run - it’s a win win.

Again, different with OP as there is time to build that relationship - 3 is still young.

I'm not unaware of them, which is why I posted them, and I'm sure the WHO wouldn't criticise any mother's decision to breast-feed for longer than two years if that's what any mother wishes to do as it's a personal decision.

Gosh, you're really uneducated. Most DC wean between about 3 and 7. They get to a point where they lose the ability to breastfeed. So no adults of 20 do not still breastfeed. The fact you actually thought that is the madness!

Yes, I know that, both parts.

@Sunshineandpool "Most DC wean between about 3 and 7." That may be true for other countries, but not for the UK where just 0.5% of mothers are still breast-feeding at 1 year old. We seem to be an outlier here though because other countries' stat's show they typically wean much later.

I find it desperately sad how many are saying they don't 'feel the need', that it's of 'no use' to them, there's 'no value'. Genuinely struggling to get my head around that mentality.

Assuming the grandparents are healthy, able & of sound mind why would you actively prevent wonderful memories being created for your child & your parents?

Is it because you didn't have those relationships as children? That you're not close to your parents? I dunno, it's just so cold to think that way

My mum & dad have 7 grandchildren & they've all stayed there, every Friday, until they grow out of it (usually at about 14 or so though my 16yo & 17yo still go occasionally). But they all start this as a regular thing around 3yso with the odd sleep over from about 6 months (all breastfed so sent with milk). They all have the most fantastic relationship.

My own grandson is 18months & stays over probably every few weeks - not for practical reasons, just for fun! My son was very keen for that due to his experiences of being spoiled at nan & granddad's house & how special it is.

To see that as pointless is just heartbreaking to me

My DC have both stayed overnight with my parents & my in-laws fairly regularly since they were very small (they are 9yo & 7yo now) this was incredibly fortunate as earlier this year both DP & I were separately hospitalised (DP undergoing extended cancer treatment & myself as an emergency admission) meaning that the DCs needed to stay with GPs. They've both stayed enough to know how to pack their own overnight bags & are familiar with sleeping at their GPs homes.

My grandparents had me and my sister every Friday overnight. My mum had my 2 and my niece most Fridays until they were around 12!

So it was all about you needing a break and not about what your child wanted or needed at that time, don't get me wrong maybe that's worked out very well for your child but it isn't the case for everyone - there are lots of children out there foisted onto other family members because their parents can't be arsed.

That was for all children worldwide. I think it gives more of an indication of the natural age to wean rather than just the UK where most do not breastfeed for very long.

Just because the grandparents are 'healthy, able & of sound mind' doesn't mean they live anywhere near their grandchildren or that they are interested in them. My children's only 'wonderful' memories of their grandparents is that they aren't bothered about them! For us grandparents are pointless.

Its perfectly ok, including the breastfeeding.

Have you ever met a 5yo? Mine spends his time at school doing phonics, counting, playing ninjas / spiderman / sonic, talking about ninjas / spiderman / sonic, drawing ninjas / spiderman / sonic (you get the idea...) I don't think it would cross his or any of his friends' minds for a second to discuss which of them still breastfed (And if any of them did mention it, I'm positive that none of them would care at all.)

There really is no need for a sleepover at the age of 3. Or any other age. Relationships with grandparents dont rely on sleepovers.

I felt that willingness etc were implied, obvs if the grandparents dgaf then this wouldn't even be a question.

Edited to add - my kids have 4 sets of grandparents in a manner. Two sets live overseas, one set is dead & my parents are on the doorstep. But even the overseas ones make a real effort to visit & take the kids away etc.

I loved staying with grandparents and other extended family when I was a child. And I regularly had my nephews and niece to stay with me when they were younger too. They loved it.

What do you mean there's 'no need'? That's what I'm not understanding.

I think just that many, many children don't have sleepovers with their grandparents and they are fine. It is not something children 'need'. That's not to say it can't be a lovely thing. I wish my children had grandparents who cared. But it's not something they need. They get plenty of love and fun from their parents and our friends.

Yeah our first is 3 months and on his first with my mum and dad on Saturday! It's more common in Ireland though

Some of my best memories was staying with my gran ❤️.

DD (13m) has had an emergency sleep over with my parents, a weekend with them because we went away (don’t flame me!) and then 1 more night recently due to work.

Shes got a whole week with them soon!

First off, the breastfeeding comments come from very ignorant people. Feeding at 3 is completely normal. And some of them are just straight up racism.

Re the sleepovers, DD has been sleeping over at Grandma and Grandad's almost weekly from around 2. She loves it and has a great relationship with her grandparents. That's a choice that works very well for us as we trust my parents, live fairly close by, and it's important for us to get time to reconnect as a couple. The break makes us better parents too imo. We get to go to adults events that we enjoy, like the theatre or just out for dinner, and know she's happy and well cared for, and then have a lie in the next morning. We also have the security of knowing if there was ever an emergency, she'd be fine overnight with grandparents.

It's not wrong to not feel a need for it, but you might find there's a lot of benefits that you haven't considered.

I was coming from the angle of grandparents wanting the sleepovers & parents not allowing it. In your case it's obvs why they don't stay over & I'm really sorry they don't care, that's just awful :(

When I was little, it was normal for kids to go stay at grandparents esp as they often lived close by rather than in other counties/countries?

Just to warn you my cousin's son used to have a sleepover with his grandparents regularly and was fine. Then when he was almost 2 they left him for a week. He was distraught. It was awful. A whole week is a very long time for a baby. Perhaps build it up a bit first?