Does anyone else not send their children to grandparents for sleepovers?

[nosleepoverss]

My child is 3 years old and he has never had a sleepover. Both sets of grandparents have asked about it and I just don’t see any need for it. We co-sleep, he still breastfeeds to sleep most nights and I don’t want him to sleep anywhere else/away from us and I see no reason why he should 🤷‍♀️ Surely I’m not the only one? 😂 I imagine he will be asking for sleepovers in a few years time but right now I just see any need for it?

Mine were long sleeping through the night by 6 months old. Safe and fed in their cot in their own room.

Co-sleeping would've been for my benefit as we would've constantly disturbed each other and they wanted their own space. It was also nice to have our bedroom back without having to tiptoe around.

No requirement for the second paragraph.

This attitude is just as bad as those criticising extended breastfeeding imo. Can't we just make our decisions without slagging off others.

Still breastfeeding 3y/o DD. She probably started staying at my in-laws at 2.5yrs. DD sees MIL once a week, has had days out with her, been away on family holidays with us.

DD isn't fussed about breastfeeding when I'm not around.

We started with MIL sleeping here and transitioned to DD sleeping at her house. DD and MIL love it.

I think it all very much depends on the relationship.

DH and I just enjoyed 4 nights in Lisbon child free. Thanks MIL. I think 4 nights would probably be my limit for now.

I think we are at the very end of our breastfeeding journey now - I'm done and it's sporadic at this point.

The actual recommendation is below:

‘WHO recommends you keep breastfeeding your child up to two years and beyond and for as long as you both want to continue. Breastfeeding never stops protecting children from infectious disease.’
(The underlining is mine.)

I’m surprised that there are some people on this thread who seem to be unaware of these recommendations tbh. I thought MN posters would be a particular grouping who’d know them.

The grandparents are part of my “Village” and I wouldn’t have a life if I didn’t have this extended childcare.

If it works for you, then that’s great. But I actually enjoy a few hours away from the kids - and a night away from the kids! Blisss (although I end up twiddling my thumbs and wondering what I should be doing)

DGD (7) first stayed with us at about 20 mths as DD and SiL were going to a wedding. We had a trial run sleepover a few weeks before to check she would be OK with it. I had been her childcare 2 days a week for most of her life however so she was completely comfortable with me. We then had her for a few days when DGS was born and DD and SiL were at the hospital ( age nearly 3). Once she started pre-school and then school we started having her regularly in the holidays for a couple of days at a time. DGS was always a bit more clingy and not ready for sleepovers until a bit older but we now have both of them. I don't think even now (age 4) he would be happy to stay without his sister however - they are all different and I think you have to go at their pace with these things.

Congratulations on your BF OP. I was feeding my last child at 3.5 quite happily. It wasn't to replace meals, and was generally at wake-up and bedtime. I wonder how many of the posters shaming extended breastfeeding on here used to try hard to ensure their offspring had dairy to keep up their calcium? and how do they not see how bloody weird it is to keep another species for its milk to benefit their children, whose growing bodies need it, when human bodies can supply that milk all along? Imagine that, what a revelation...
Anyway, back to the sleepover questions. My children had sleepovers with Grandma from toddler age, the youngest probably being about 1.5. They all have a lovely relationship with that grandparent now. But it is your choice, there is not right or wrong.

Why on earth would you breastfeed a nearly 5 year old! When do you stop! 10! 15! 20! Madness!

Each to their own but I love shipping mine off to the grandparents house for the night. Doesn't happen enough though maybe twice a year? And my god I relish every single second of that peace and quiet

And can you imagine the teasing the child will get at school about still breastfeeding! You’re not helping the child by breastfeeding a 5 year old!

That's what I hear called your "mother wit" talking. I think you are doing the right thing by listening to it and honoring it and should continue doing so.

There is no good reason a small child needs to spend the night away from Mother if it's not necessary nor wanted by Mother. As you say, every milestone doesn't need to happen right now. There's no need to rush it before you are ready and before you feel your child is ready. The grandparents' wishes should not trump yours.

I think you might have to continue putting your foot down. I find it a little worrisome that they're so eager to override you on this. As the older generation, I would get your feelings and honor them and not want you to go off without your toddler and feel bad and your child to feel bad too, most likely, since you know your child better than anyone. I find it a bit concerning that they don't. Grandparents who push are so tiresome. Best wishes. :)

If it isn’t for you then that’s fine! I would have given anything to have had the chance 😂

Rightly or wrongly these threads always seem to turn into its wonderful for the grandparents / parents but never seem to focus on what the child would choose.

Why would anyone at school even know? I doubt pp is breastfeeding through the school gates at lunch time.

My kids are always asking for a night at Nanny's. They love it. We're not shipping them off to war!

Mine have had sleepovers every month or so since 6 weeks old so they don't know any different but they get excited every single time.

Almost 5 year old has never stayed overnight before either - in laws would like her to and do ask occasionally but I would like to wait until she’s a bit older and asks to and has a better understanding of the world/danger. I don’t feel that either grandparents house are safe enough if she was to wake up while everyone else was asleep, and I don’t really want to demand child proofing 😂she will sleep over one day, just not yet.

Please ignore the comments judging extended breastfeeding. DD is almost 5 and is at school and still breastfeeds, some days she has none, other days she does here and there but she only really asks when at home when we are having quite chilled days usually, and at night when falling asleep/occasional wake up but usually settles with DH now. No other parents or children at school would know, although I would happily say if asked. Kids that age wouldn’t judge, parents might.

She loves cows milk and drinks a lot of it (no issue with this at all btw), but it truly baffles me that it is acceptable in society to drink essentially a cows breast milk, yet people would judge me for letting her have milk from me that was literally made for her personally! Madness! Luckily I find it pretty easy to ignore these comments but it’s a shame that it could stop others from doing something that is completely natural.

I actually had this concern for DS2. Like many (most?) extended BF'ers he was just having milk once a day, or often less than that. I really didn't want to stop just because I was worried about school. I didn't want to tell him that he shouldn't tell other people he had Mummy Milk when he woke up - to us it was entirely natural and right. I didn't want him to mention it to anyone at school and then be teased. In the end he weaned naturally just after he turned 4 - 6 months before he started school. For the longest time he'd just had it in the morning, only a couple of my good friends knew (other mothers who'd also naturally weaned), not because I wanted to hide it but I know there is such strong negative feeling about it in the UK and also because I simply didn't need to share that aspect of our lives.

I never went into BF thinking for one moment I would end up doing so for so long. I think it's very sad that people are so judgemental about extended BF.
My sons are now 26 and 16. I can't think of what negative impact them being allowed to naturally wean might have had on them.
They were both quite able to be apart from me overnight from about age 3, though we rarely did because family weren't local and there was never really much need.

Mine never did as there wasn't a need and they weren't quite local enough for it to be useful. However, as they grew up they then weren't used to it and didn't want to do it, so they never did. My youngest has never really liked sleepovers at anybody's house though, he'd much rather just sleep at home. Or at a hotel!!

PIL’s assumed we would be handing over DS1 from a few weeks old, as that was the case with SIL’s DD. But it was a no from me because with DP’s parents, it’s all or nothing. It can’t be the odd Friday night. It has to be EVERY Friday unless there’s some sort of emergency or special circumstances. They are very controlling. And they would have thought they could have a say in how DS was raised etc. He did stay over a handful of times when he was older, but that was his choice and perfectly fine by me. My own parents weren’t able to have him due to poor health, so there was no decision to make.

We don't all have grandparents that live close by or that are interested in a relationship with their grandchildren. For my children there was no need.

I do not remember my childhood with any fondness and so there was no chance I would ever leave my child in my parents' care.

A completely sensible reaction.

This good relationship has to come from both sides. If the grandparents aren't interested what can you do? You just have to get on with it without any help.

Mine sleep over at my parents loads. They take them on little holidays as well for a couple of nights here and there. I did the same with my grandma and honestly they were my fondest childhood memories. We had a really close bond, my grandma was like a 2nd mum to me and she’s truly shaped the person I am today and I miss her loads.

Yeah about 20 🤪 what a fucking idiotic thing to say.