Men talking at me

[Kellybonita]

A new male colleague has just started in my Job.

He has this way of talking AT women. For example, me , my boss another woman and him went for a coffee. My boss invited him then my boss had to leave early. So we were sitting with him. He will start telling a story about his life, and he will go on and on and on. And not even involve us in the conversation. He will talk at us, and not pause for a second.

To get a word in, is really hard. I will try to interrupt his stream of talk, but he will keep talking on over me. I've become so irritated that if it is me and another woman and him sitting there now, and he is talking on and on about himself, I will just turn to the woman and ask her something completely different. And then the two of us have our own chat. That does get him to stop

I realised i know a lot of men like this at work. They just talk on and on AT women. They expect us to just sit there listening to them.

Do you know men like that? How do you deal with them?

Women do that too. I know loads of them.

It's not just men who do this.

In my job, it's only the men that do it.

It's like they think their voice is more important than women's

I tend to avoid people like that, I excuse myself and leave. If it's a work colleague just say you have a phone call to make.

Love your response to the stream of consciousness OP 😂

I'd just assume he's socially awkward, bless him

Its not nice for you though either

Not really sure what you can do about it tbh, other than try to interrupt him when he's speaking - maybe to ask another question or move the conversation on 😬

I don’t know anyone like this at the moment. I’ve come across people like this, men and women, but I avoid them so I rarely meet them a second time

Hold up your hand and say ‘I’m going to have to stop you there, Nigel.’

’Why?’

’No reason. I’m just going to have to stop you. Now, Caroline, what do you think about the price of coal/reincarnation/the new hire in Accounts?’

"My boss had to leave early." Mmm.
Take a leaf out of your boss' book and excuse yourself.
It's not just men who do this, I had a female relative who did exactly the same thing.

Believe me, I know plenty of women like this in my workplace 😂 so I'm not sure why you are only seeing it as a 'man' problem.

Could be nerves op
give him a chance

I only know men who are like this.

There's no woman in my workplace who will talk at me for thirty minutes without stopping.

However I know several men that do this.

I'm also thinking about our work zoom calls. My male colleagues always try and take over the zoom call.

Problem is, @Pentimenti , is that Caroline secretly desires Nigel, and she's finding having a normal conversation with him quite distracting. I'm not sure what Nigel thinks of Caroline though.

I have 3 neighbours who do this, one male two female, and a very dear female friend (love her but she monologues big time!). Dh says I have the patience of a saint with these people 😂

Oh goody, another man bashing post 🙄

Lots and I mean lots of people do this, not just men. They drone on and on about themselves and yes its irritating.

And yet...I believe I'm allowed to have an opinion.

And in my opinion, it's the men I work with, that do this. Not the women

I'm entitled to my opinion, thanks.

Some do

but my word, so do some women too

Yes, during my working life I've noticed many, many men doing this in both corporate and voluntary work environments, usually during meetings. There's been a few women too but it's much rarer.

Men dominating meetings is a real, observed phenomenon which you can look up and read more about if you're interested. Here's one illustrative overview of some relevant studies: https://finance.yahoo.com/news/stark-reality-men-dominate-talking-meetings-113112910.html?

@Kellybonita I'm entitled to my opinion, thanks.

Of course you are - but you need to learn the skill of interrupting and moving the conversation on. In my experience, people only prattle on if nobody is challenging them or politely interrupting. That's your job.

Isn't this just a personality thing rather than a man thing? I know more women who do this than men tbh.

But you're asking other people for their opinion and experience ...

I can't see where anyone has said you aren't allowed to have an opinion.

You are.

And others are allowed to disagree.

Obviously.

Yes there have been so many online meetings that I've been in, where the men completely take over and barely let the women speak. The women try to interrupt and just get spoken over. Eventually a man will say "now we will go to hear from Claire". And will let her talk. When he has decided she can talk.
But the men dominate the start of the meeting

Yep, of course you are allowed your opinion but you were asking others for their experiences were you not?

I gave you mine. Thanks

Not sure the OP in this case has quite grasped how MN works.